Faith is Love

It was a beautiful adhan, an evening call for prayer! This is a small town with only one mosque. The calls for prayer are herd at every street and corner of the town. There are people of different faiths in the town, for Muslims adhans are calls for prayer and for others they serve as time reminders. Out of five adhans, the first adhan in the morning helps me to get up, and the fourth in the evening reminds me of cooking time.

I went to the kitchen and looked for the vegetables and the elephant’s foot caught my attention. I held it and started to clean it for cooking.

At this instant my home is filled with a purifying lavender fragrance of essence sticks ignited by my mother in law in the prayer room. The hymns and mantras in rhythm to the ringing brass bell in her enchanting voice are creating a hypnotizing effect. She has always been very punctual for her prayer and she would pay utmost attention to every detail regarding her offerings.

A shining copper plate would serve as an offerings plate, which contained all ingredients as per my mother in law’s Hindu spiritual beliefs. The plate contained a clean copper bowl of fresh water and a vessel with a central stand and five tiny containers around. The different tiny containers contained red kumkum powder, yellow turmeric powder, camphor, rice seeds and water in a clockwise manner. The plate also contained jasmine and marigold flowers, a banana and a sweet dish made of milk and rice. Then there was a brass lamp burning off mustard oil and a brass bell for ringing while chanting hymns and mantras. She always used either lavender or sandal essence sticks in prayer.

I started to cut the elephant’s foot and a memory slide came up instantly on the swaying curtain of my thoughts. I remembered an evening seven years back, when I was cleaning elephant’s foot, and my mother in law was praying. It was same lavender perfume and my mother in law was chanting hymns and mantras in her sweet voice. She held the offering plate in her left hand and she came to me in the kitchen while still chanting the mantras. She had lit the camphor in a small circle of rice in the offering plate.

“I hope that it comes true Madhu!” she said in between her chanting.

She started chanting again and held a pinch of kumkum with her right thumb and index finger and applied in between my eye brows. It was followed by a pinch of turmeric powder and was applied it below the kumkum in between my eyebrows. Then she moved the plate from her left to right in a clockwise fashion around my head. She repeated this for seven times after which I bowed down to touch her feet.

“May Goddess bless you with a baby boy!” she said while putting her right hand over my head.

We both smiled as she returned to prayer room and I continued with my cooking. It had just been seven months to my marriage then and the previous day I had vomiting sensation. My mother in law was extremely happy to assume that I was pregnant and that we were going to welcome a little guest at home.

Me and my husband Akash went to the doctor for pregnancy test.

“It’s just uneasiness due to weather change which caused vomiting, nothing else…” said the doctor.

My mother in law was disappointed but she continued her ritual everyday expecting a baby.

“Mrs Sharma…” a lady’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Yes who is it?” replied my mother in law. “Ohh… Mrs Mehara! Please come dear! How are you?”

“I am fine Mrs Sharma, how are you? Where is bahu Madhu?” Mrs Mehara asked.

“Oh she is busy in cooking, let me call her!” replied my mother in law. “Madu dear, see it’s Mrs Mehara here!”

I stopped cutting green chilies and went to see Mrs Mehara in front room.

“Namaste aunt!” I greeted, approached her and bowed down to touch her feet.

“Be blessed and happy my dear.” Mrs Mehara blessed me by touching my head. “Your bahu is so traditional Mrs Sharma. You are surely a lucky Mother in law,” she said to my mother in law. “Look at my daughter in law, she doesn’t even care to say Namaste. She only speaks in English like good morning, good night… what a non-sense!” Mrs Mehara said distastefully.

She continued, “No doubt one should get modern, but that doesn’t mean you forget your traditions. You are surely lucky one and Akash is a lucky husband,” she re-affirmed.

“I don’t like to say this Mrs Sharma, but bahu must have come across a bad omen, otherwise it’s been seven years and she still can’t give you a grandchild. It’s impossible for such a sweet girl to have such a bad luck! This must be something supernatural…”

“Bahu, beta you go back to your cooking…” asked my mother in law to me. I was already uncomfortable with the topic, which my mother in law understood and so she asked me to go inside and so did I.

“Poor child!” Mrs Mehara muttered.

I was in the kitchen but I could hear everything they were saying.

“I am saying for sure Mrs Sharma, you know Mrs Patel? Her daughter in law had same problem. For three years they didn’t have child. They visited so many doctors, but all in vain!” she said with widening her eyes.

“Finally they went to Saint Dani at Bandho hill. He said to them that there was a bad omen and gave them two bracelets for each husband and wife. And the very next year Mrs Patel had a grandchild!” She said with surprise and charm in her face.

“I am telling you Mrs Sharma, why don’t you try?”

“Bahu… Will you put some tea to brew?” my mother in law asked me.

“I already did mom!” I replied.

“There’s nothing we didn’t try.” My mother in law continued to talk to Mrs Mehara. “Akash and Madhu went to so many different doctors, but everybody said that everything was normal.” My mother in law added.

“Even after three years we didn’t lose hope. They went to Goddess temple at Shantipura mountains. There are eleven hundred stairs to the temple and it was said that if one walks over the stairs bare feet, one will be granted one’s prayer by the Goddess. Akash and bahu both walked up the stairs, but for nothing in return. In the fourth year they went to two different places, one at the Lady of the Lourdes Temple and another at a Saint Sarfaraz Dargah.”

“Tea, aunt…” I interrupted their conversation. I served the tea cups in a tray and remained standing by the wall in the doorway to front room.

I entered the conversation saying, “Aunt, for five years we had hope. But afterwards everything started to feel unpleasant. After so many prayers at so many different places what I got was disappointment!” I said in down voice.

“Initially my neighbors used to invite me at their homes, if they had any celebration for childbirth. Afterwards they stopped inviting me saying that I was a bad omen, because I was sterile.” I said with wavering voice and they both listened silently with sad faces.

“Even if I looked at someone’s child for more than a while, they would pick their child up and try to hide it from me. This has become so insulting and pricking. I really hate it when every other person speaks of my apathy. I am really done with the pity and done with guilt,” tears rolled over my chicks.

“Child, provide something to a hungry man, you will be blessed forever,” a voice from the front door interrupted my conversation. Our house is on ground floor and front gate faces the street, so many a times beggars pass by begging for alms.

“There is nothing yet cooked baba, you please go to next door,” I told him wiping off my tears.

“You have done so many good things for others but people have turned back on you, my child. You always speak well for others, but people speak badly of you, in your back. Please offer me something I am hungry since morning” he continued to seek.

My mother in law interrupted, “Baba, she told you nothing is cooked yet, you please go to next door”

“You mother have some a unique ability to compensate your weaknesses, at some points you have achieved changes and at other points you have achieved constancy, this is what has prevailed this house for so long. Your ultimate goal is to find security. Please mother offer me with something I am very hungry,” he still persisted.

“Come on baba, can’t you hear, there’s nothing for you to offer, find the next door, go ahead!” this time Mrs Mehara interrupted him.

“You mother have tendency to trust people very easily and you are too frank with strangers. Besides some of your goals tend to be unrealistic, all this has sometimes brought you to a loss. Please mother give off this poor man with something.” He insisted.

Then he again looked at me and said, “You are disciplined and self-controlled outside, you tend to be worrisome an insecure inside. You have tendency to be critical of yourself. You have a great deal of unused capacity which you have not turned to your advantage,” he continued.

He said so many true things about us, though he doesn’t even know us, he must be a man of great wisdom! So I assumed and said, “Wait, I have some food left from afternoon, but would you like to eat the leftover?” I asked him reluctantly.

“Anything from you child, you are an auspicious person!” his statements touched us somewhere, and especially his last statement touched me. I went inside and brought three rotis and some cooked fenugreek leaves over them. I offered the food to him as he started to talk again.

“You are so blessed child, you always do good things but sometimes you are doubtful about what you did. At times you are sociable while at other times you are introverted and reserved. You have a great need for others to like and admire you.” He continued.

“My child you fed a hungry man, your house will always stay in abundance and no hungry man shall ever return empty hands from your door! Let me give you my best advice, don’t wander anywhere, be grateful for what you already have, have faith in what you are already doing, and you will have your longing wish fulfilled! Bless you child, you may stay happy forever!” he said while he left for never to be seen again.

“I should be going now Mrs Sharma!” Mrs Mehara and my mother in law finished their tea. I collected the cups of tea in the tray, and brought them into the kitchen. Mrs Mehara left saying Namaste.

The sentence from the beggar kept swirling over and over again on the curtain of my thoughts. ‘be grateful for what you have and have faith in what you are already doing…’

Oh my God! Yes! How beautiful message he said to me! He started the stream of faith inside me again.

Probably that beggar was just saying random things and I was going mad to assume that I can still be a mother. I don’t know, but I strongly want to be a mother.

What is it that I am doing already that I should have faith in again?

After I applied lot of pressure on my mind, I remembered that it is a fifth Hindu month ahead, and on the fifth day of that month I perform five elements ceremony each year. So let me do this ceremony itself but this time for asking for a baby!

On the fifth day of the fifth Hindu month, I got up much early than first adhan. I made a circular flowery Rangoli in front of my door. I had already brought the smooth and colorful stones from the bank of river outside my town.

I started the ceremony at five in the morning. It was still dark and cold outside. I put five smooth and colorful stones clockwise on the Rangoli. I took the offerings plate and took red kumkum from it and put it on first stone, yellow turmeric on second stone, camphor on third stone, rice seeds on fourth stone and the water on fifth stone in a clockwise manner. I put the jasmine flowers on each of the stone. Lastly I put the brass lamp with mustard oil in the center of five stones, and lit the lamp.

Now I closed my eyes, held my hands near my chest in Namaste and focused all my attention on that and that moment only. I tried to feel the air, the smell, the temperature outside, the sounds coming from different directions and then I focused on my breath for few moments.

I spoke to the five stones, “Holy five elements, you are earth, fire, water, air and sky. This entire universe is made of you. You have the potential to destroy, and you have the potential to create. Life is created of you and after death the soul and the body is dispersed back into you. You are five, but you must have one mother that created you. For the sake of your love for your mother, I pray to you today. I ask you to unite yourselves, and form a small life in my womb. Please hear this cry from this craving woman!”

Tears fell down my cheeks, as I opened my eyes.

At five in the evening, I picked the stones one by one and wrapped them in a white cloth. Then I went to the river bank and submerged the cloth along with the stones in flowing water.

I held my hands at my forehead in Namaste, and my ceremony ended.

I am doing this ceremony since childhood. But it was different energy this time. It was different feeling this time. It was different calm and serenity this time. It was different leap of faith this time.

From the next day I forgot what had happened in the past seven years and started my life afresh like new. I enjoyed everything I was doing. I prayed regularly. I greeted everyone with smile and talked to everyone with happiness. I asked Akash to purchase a cradle for me for no reason. And he did it for no reason. I was happy for no reason, and so was everyone in my home for no reason.

And then it happened, I had a vomiting sensation and I rushed to washroom. My mother in law pronounced the name of Goddess.

“Akash, take her to the clinic immediately and get the pregnancy test done! Go at once,” said my mother in law.

She kept waiting till we returned. As she saw us returning form the clinic, she asked, “What happened?”

I replied, “The five elements blessed me mom! I am pregnant!”

It was a beautiful adhan at the mosque, and everything felt so hypnotic. I was so happy.

After nine months I was blessed with a baby boy!

In the next month I called everyone in the neighborhood for the celebration for my son.

Mother’s love created faith, and faith made me mother!