Sincere Feelings

~ My anticipations of waiting for him slowly started to dwindle. He was nowhere to be seen or found and no one knew him except for me. It was as if someone like him never expected.

Wish it would be a dream, but no it still haunts me up to this date. The fact that he left me all alone on a cold bed, on such a day still haunts me to this date. The only thing that stopped me from going crazy was this box that was beside me the moment I opened my eyes, after his disappearance this was the only thing that remained with me. Everything else about him disappeared overnight.~ 

My guts never allowed me to open this box without him being there to witness it, though no one else remembered him or knew him, he is still alive in my heart.

~ It's been 4 years, 2 months and 13 days, but my heart never fell for anyone else. ~

Sigh… I thought all this while seeing the red heart-shaped box lying in a corner of my old bookshelf.

Is he even alive? I thought to myself.

<My Life was a lie all along>

I have grown old, haven't I? I asked for the old box from which I could still feel his presence.

Though there was no reply in return, it still made me happy cause the time I spent with him was more precious than what I am enjoying right now.

Are you inside?!!! I came back to my senses with him screaming, Chase is back here again with a marriage proposal I guess ~ I walked to the door.

What is it today? I asked him before he stepped forward to rush into my house.

Mom sent me here, I think she found someone new and suits you well. She was smiling like a bird early in the morning when she handed me over this letter.

How many times is it that I have to tell you people that I don't want to get married. I am not in a situation to dream of such sweet things. I have to work, not like you guys.

Come on sis… don't blame me for that, it was you who insisted on moving out of the house since you met those guys 4 years ago, and didn't leave you without a word.

Please understand and move on!

He is not the reason why I am like this, I just don't feel like I don't need a man’s affection, I have a ton of things to get done since it is my leave today, and you here are bothering me early in the morning.

Stop nagging me, if you want to I can launch an investigation for you. You will at least know whether he is alive or not if we do that. I am dealing with more than enough troubles because you are not there to take our father’s place.

Mom told me to tell you to stop sending her the money she sends you every week. She just wants you to be healthy, eat well and dress well.

Look at you! You look like you jumped out of the garbage can.

Maybe this is the reason why he left you, Chase said as he burst into laughter.

Wait a second, do you remember him? I went rushing to him.

I was talking about Cassiel, not about that imaginary boyfriend of yours. Let me remind you sis, there was no one with you before 4 years like you said.

Anyways mom said that you two should meet tomorrow at the R cafe, tomorrow afternoon. He is so interested in you that he bought the whole cafe because they said that it is fully booked tomorrow. I am pretty sure that he is going to become a good husband to you.

By any chance did you cook? He asked while sneak peeking at the kitchen.

I will not give you a single bite from my breakfast, go eat all that luxury at your house, and one more thing I will not step into the company of yours even if you guys threaten me and as for the date tomorrow, I will go but I will make sure he regrets his choice.

Come on sis…! Don't be so stubborn, I will leave you now. Don't attempt anything tomorrow, I don't even know who that person is because mom didn't tell me about him and she herself sealed the envelope before giving it to me.

He left, the moment he closed the door behind him I broke into tears, the thought of Xiao being dead flooded my mind. Though I thought of that, I don't want to witness his grave.

<“God if you are hearing me, make sure that he is alive, Him being alive somewhere  in this world is more than enough for me”>

I picked up the box from the shelf and dusted all the dust away and brought it onto the stool, hoping that with me opening this I will be able to let him go.

I kept staring at it, trying to figure out why he left a box instead of a note. I myself didn't even realize that he went missing until a few weeks passed.

<It is my Fault anyways… >

I untied the red ribbon carefully, not wanting to tear up a single tread and took the top of hoping to find some sort of a clue.

But instead there was a jewelry box, the exact set of jewelry I had my eyes on the day he disappeared.

Even though he bought this, I said to myself with tears rolling down my eyes.

There was a pink coloured paper under the box, I took it out to see what it was. It was a short note which said,

Yuki, I am sorry to disappear like this;

But my time is already up;

When I come back, I won't remember you;

But you will remember me if your feelings for me were sincere;

It's a matter of time;

But you are the only person who can find me.

I love you and I am sorry, Xiao.

Tears flooded my eyes and rolled down my cheeks, wetting the note on my hand, blotting the letters on it with my tears.

<He didn't leave me all along>

My whole mind was empty, it was full of nothing but of him, of how I can find him but at the same time the chance of me finding him in this vast world contrasted with all of my other ideas.

The day passed without even realizing, all the energy I had in myself had disappeared because I was trying to find other clues that would lead to him. 

In the end I ended up collapsing onto the bed. 

The sun started shining before I could even think of getting a good night's sleep, though a single day without food or sleep couldn't kill me, I was devastated since the moment I started finding ways to find him back.

The fact that I had to meet someone else because of my family, even though the situation I was in suddenly changed was more than stressful and depressing. 

Since the moment I was determined to find him, my mind was imagining my past with him back again, though the scene of me waking up all alone haunted me, the sweet memories that both of us shared was more than enough to suppress that feeling.

There were only a few sets of clothes with me that suited me to go outside since I would always be in a blazer because of my position at the working place.

I am not going there to please that person anyways, I told myself putting on a blazer that I thought was okay to wear something like this.

Though my body felt like it was about to crumble, I had to go and tell him, “I have someone that I love.”

The streets were flooded with people, mostly from lovers since it was their day to celebrate but for me it was a day full of nothing but grief and misery.

There was one man sitting all alone in the cafe R with a huge bouquet of roses, though I wanted to steal a glance at him before I entered. He was sitting with his back facing towards the direction I was.

I went in without much trouble and casually walked towards him not even wanting to sit down and talk to him, Yuki you are here to tell him that you can't have any feelings for him, I spoke to myself.

You must be… I said standing behind him.

Nice to meet you! He got up from his seat and turned towards me, with a huge smile on his face.

I was astonished by what I saw in front of me, ~ the same eyes, the same physical features and the same face. Nothing was missing in front of the man in front of him. ~

Xiao, I said, jumping to hug him.

Miss. Yuki, that's not my name, he said.

Stop teasing me with you, I said with tears rolling down my cheeks which were already wetting his shirt.

< I finally met him, he found me even before I could find him. >

I finally broke the hug, and looked at his face.

Miss Yuki, I am not sure about why you're so surprised but I am sorry to tell you this but my name is not Xiao, he said with a light smile on his face.

How can you not be? I said, The look on his face was as if he met me for the first time today.

< Does he not remember me? >

Anyways nice to meet you, forgetting my name is not a big deal after all. What would you like to have, he asked me casually.

Wait a second!

You really don't remember who I am?! I asked him. 

Miss Yuki, I am sorry to disappoint you but this is my first time meeting you.

Nothing was different, even his talking style was the same. Even when we were normally talking he always talked like we were discussing a business deal.

That's when reality hit me, didn't  he mention in the note that he won't remember me?!

I came back to my senses after seeing him collapsing onto the table, I got off the chair and went to him but he was unconscious.

Can I have a glass of water please!!! I shouted.

I took some water out of the glass and sprayed some onto his face, though he slowly opened his eyes and they were full of nothing but exhaustion.

Are you alright? I asked him.

I am, he mumbled.

No you are not, I said putting my arm around him. Is that your car outside, I asked him.

Can someone please help me carry him outside, I said with tears gradually flooding my eyes. Two workers came to me and helped me carry him outside.

Thank god, I found the car key in his pocket.

With him in the passenger's seat, I was cautious about how he was. The fact that he didn't open his eyes bothered me. The main problem was I had never driven this type of a car.

May I help you drive the car? A worker offered to help me.

It's okay, I said, not wanting to let out an inner matter like this. After all, even if he don't know me, he is from a big family in the business world. This might affect his work.

I drove the car to the nearest hospital, seeing him looking at me after opening his eyes relieved my heart.

I barely managed to carry him to the out patient department, but as soon as I stepped in the doctors came running and took him.

How long was he unconscious for? One of them asked me.

For about 15 to 20 minutes, I said with tears rolling down my eyes.. 

~ My heart and soul was able to identify that it was him, but not him. ~

A doctor came to me after a few minutes, with a serious look on his face.

Are you one of his family members? He asked me.

Yes I am, I replied since there was no one else.

He collapsed because of exhaustion but did you know he is suffering from X Cancer? There is no need to worry about it, since he said with his own mouth that it is still in the first stage and the doctor said for you to not worry because it is possible to get rid of it.

You can go and visit him in a few minutes, the doctor left.

It felt as if something hit the back of my head, I never expected him to be sick. I should have known. Otherwise I wouldn't have acted that way to exhaust him.

A nurse came to me and asked to fill-up the form, and I did. Since there was no choice, I put my relation to him as his fiancée.

I went to him as if I wasn't aware of his situation.

Sorry to disappoint you Yuki, he said.

There is no need  for that, you should have canceled the meeting if you aren't alright.

There is something I want to tell you, he said. First Let’s head over to my house, he said, trying to get up.

There is no need, you are going to stay here until the doctors say that you are alright to go, I said pushing his  body down onto the bed with my hand.

Wait here for a moment, I will go and get you admitted. I went to the reception and got him transferred, so that he would be comfortable talking.

He just kept staring at me, it felt as if he had a lot to say but couldn't speak those words out.

It's okay if you don't want to marry a sickly man like me, he said and I do remember you. I don't know how but I do know you for some reason.

I have had flashbacks since the moment I locked my eyes with you, and I don't have any of my memories of more than 25 years of my life. It was as if I was reborn into an unknown place.

If it was my previous life, I guess I was your lover, he said with a light smile on his face.

I rushed to him wanting to give him a huge hug, but at the same time I was scared of him being hurt though I hugged him tight. The warmth of his traveled through  my body making me feel his presence again.

< It felt as if he was not the only one who was reborn but me as well >

He broke the hug and kept staring at me with the same gaze he always used to look at me with. Though there was no smile on his face, I knew that he was smiling from deep down in his heart.

< No one in this world will understand this feeling, I thought to myself. >

He pressed his lips against mine, bringing back all the memories we shared together back to me, everything about those memories felt great, regardless of most of them being the toughest time of our life, us spending those times together and overcoming them were more than enough to bring happiness back to my heart.

What surprised me wasn't that, when I opened my eyes there was a pair of huge snowy wings behind him. 

I kept looking at him, having no idea whether he was trying to fool me to bring a smile onto my face.

But that wasn't the case, none of them seemed fake. The look on his face itself expressed that what was going on wasn't a lie.

Yuki, he said holding both of my hands.

I am sorry for disappearing, I did my best not to vanish but my vanishment brought me to the living world. I will never disappear you again.

Xiao… I said,

It's okay, I gave him a huge hug.

~ Yuki, this same day was the day that I was separated from you, and today after 5 years we met again on the same day. ~