I Was Hoping You Would Come Outside

           The year was 2018.  Greg, an informally dressed man with longish hair in disarray, and shirt untucked is seen bursting out of a building, shaking his head and holding a pack of cigarettes. Pam, the one who is observing him, thinks that her grandmother would have called him a ragamuffin.  As soon as he is a few steps away from the door, he is approached by Pam, a casually dressed woman with wild blond hair, and bright red lips. He thinks that his grandmother would have called her a floozy.

Pam

“I was hoping that you would come outside.  I could see a pack of cigarettes in your shirt pocket when I was inside, and I was pretty sure that no one else in that crowd would come outside for a smoke.”

Greg

“I know what you mean.  Now, I only have one cigarette left in the pack, so we will have to share it.  I hope that you do not mind.”

Pam

“Not at all, I was desperate for a cigarette, and there isn’t a convenience store in sight around here.”

Greg

“Well, I had to get out of that building. This is my first time going to an event like this. I really don’t know what I was thinking.  I’m never going to do this again.  Everyone I met was so conservative and boring, no fun at all.  I reckon that a couple of them saw the pack of smokes like you did. They looked at me, quickly got up and walked away without even sitting down to get to know me better.”

Pam

“That’s the same feeling I got. The guys I met were interested in me, at least physically, but they were all so conservative and predictable.  I pretty much anticipated everything they had to say.  I’m never going to a speed dating session again.  It was an act of desperation, not a wise decision on my part.  I’ve been completely single for too long, but not long enough to keep company with the guys I met tonight.

           Greg lights up the cigarette, and passes it on to Pam, who gives a “Thank you, kind sir” accompanied by a deep curtsy.  Greg responds with a “You are most welcome, good madam,” and executes a full bow, causing the empty cigarette pack to fall on the ground. He picks it up as if it were some kind of lost treasure. For the next few minutes the two of them share the cigarette, passing it back and forth so that each has a few puffs three times over.  They do not speak, focusing solely on the shared cigarette.  When it was done, they both sigh, exhaling a little puff of smoke while doing so.

Pam

           “So have you always been such a rebel?  Did you get into any trouble in high school?”

Greg

           “Yes I have, and yes I did. Once, and this is such a cliché, I got suspended for ‘smokin’ in the boys room’ as the early 1970s song says, for ‘everybody knows that smoking ain’t allowed in school’.  Now, what about you? Were you a ‘bad girl’ in high school?”

Pam

           “Yep. Sure was. Funny thing though, I got suspended for doing the same thing that you did, ‘smokin’ in the boys room’.  One guy peed himself at the urinal.  Turns out he was a teacher.”  I did it on a dare. I did a lot of foolish things on dares in those days.  Still do sometimes, like tonight.  A friend of mine challenged me by saying that I didn’t have the nerve to try speed dating, that I was too scared to even try it.”

Greg

           “Somehow I am not surprised by that, knowing you as well as I do now.  I just had a thought, kind of a dare to the both of us. Did you see that bank of light switches by the front door?”

Pam

           “No I didn’t, but I think I have a good idea regarding what you are thinking.  And to tell you the truth, I’m up for the dare.  But I want to add something to your idea to make it more fun.”

           She then whispers her idea into his ear, although no one else is near close enough to have heard her if she had spoken her idea out loud. Greg first smiles, and then laughs like he too does not want to be heard.

Greg

           “I thought you would be.  And so am I.  Your addition will make it more effective as a lesson.  It will really surprise and inform those straight-laced people.”

Pam

           “No surprise there.  I kind of figured that you would be up for it.”

           The two of them creep up to the door as if they were planning a major crime.  Pam opens the door, the two of them walk in, and then Greg turns off the lights.  There are sounds of shock and surprise coming from the people in the room.  After about a minute of this, Pam turns all the lights back on.

           Then Pam make her announcement, “I would like to tell you all that I met this lovely man outside and we shared a cigarette. That meant more to me than all the talk I got from you men. The smoke brought us together, not anything else.”

           Greg responded in the same vein. “Yes, it’s true.  She saw the pack of cigarettes that some of you women caught sight of in my shirt pocket, and then walked away.  After sharing that one cigarette, we established a romantic bond.

           Strangely a few people start applauding tentatively, soon followed by a good number of others more enthusiastically.  Pam and Greg both bow to the crowd to show their appreciation, turn and walk out the door.

Greg and Pam Share a Surprising Secret 

           Greg stops and grabs Pam’s hand, then pulls the empty pack out of his shirt pocket with his other hand.  Then speaking to both pack and Pam he says:

“You know it is the strangest thing.  I was going to quit smoking as soon as I finished the last cigarette in this pack.  Now that I’ve found you, and we have bonded over a cigarette, I am not so sure what I should do. What do you think?”

Pam

“Even stranger, I quit smoking last week. Tonight, however, I felt I really needed a cigarette after my experiences inside that building.  Then sharing a smoke with you changed my whole mood.”

Greg

           “I’ve got a dare for you. I dare you to become my girlfriend. so that we will see that neither of us ever smokes again.  What do you think?”

Pam

           “I accept your dare, because I believe that a man who would share his last smoke with a stranger is a good one to share a life with.”