Truth is a liar

They say the truth will set you free. In my case, that turned out to not be true. Looking back, I can see the irony, but unfortunately no one else in the room did. I guess I should have expected that, but I had other things on my mind at the time. So, here we are, ME with my hands restrained, John standing in the hall as we go by, smirking. If I could have understood what was going on I probably would have said that I’ve never hated anyone so much in my life before today. I used to think of myself as easy-going, calm and likeable but today I will become anything but. I had already learned to not trust but today it became much more ingrained. If I could have understood, I would have lied, and if I had known, I would have understood that it’s not the truth that matters but who is a better liar.

I felt the warmth of the morning sun warming my cheek. I put my fingers up to the window so they could feel it too. It was so cold in the room however that even the warmth of the sun streaming in couldn’t ease the ache my fingers had developed during the frigid night. I cozied back into my blanket and hoped it would get above freezing today. The endless cold and snow were beginning to wear on my soul. As if it didn’t have enough already wearing it down.

I jumped as I heard Mary scream up the stairs “Get your lazy butts up and get down here!”. John just mumbled and rolled over in his bed. I jumped up and started to put my shoes on. One thing about sleeping in your clothes is that it allowed you to get ready that much faster in the morning. “John” I whispered, “get up, we’ve got to get downstairs”. “Shut up twerp” he mumbled from beneath his blanket. Fine, I thought, I didn’t want to look at you this morning anyway. I quickly left the room and went into the bathroom. I quickly did my business trying not to look or touch the toilet. Same with the sink. My mom had never let our bathroom look even remotely this disgusting. But I didn’t dwell on that for long cause I didn’t want anyone to catch me crying. I had been punished so much for that the last few weeks I think my tear ducts were forever scared to let anything out.

I skipped down the stairs as quickly as I could and ran into the kitchen. I saw Mary at the sink, drinking her coffee and looking at her phone. She didn’t look up or acknowledge me when I entered but kicked the chair toward me. I narrowly missed running into it and saw her lips lift slightly at the corners. I grabbed my bag by the back door and attempted to get past her as fast as possible. “Not so fast, little maggot” she growled as she grabbed me by the hair and flung me back around. “Where is my other pack of cigarettes?” “I don’t know, I didn’t touch them” I whispered, as I saw her hand twitch. I tried to avoid it, but her slap caught me upside the head and almost knocked me to the floor. I knew it was useless to argue so I just stood there and tried not to look scared. Surely, she wouldn’t do anything too bad before I had to go to school. I heard John coming down the stairs just then and ran out the door as quick as I could. I ran all the way to the school three blocks away.

I didn’t see John all day, not even at lunch. That was unusual since we both hated school but hated being in that house even more. I wondered if he was skipping again and worried that he would bring the wrath down again on both of us. I tried to focus on class, but Mr. Abernathy had no idea how to make English anything more than drudgery and most of the kids, including me, kept nodding off. We looked like a field of bobble head flowers blowing in the wind. I don’t know if Mr. Abernathy was half blind, into his own lesson or just plain didn’t care but he didn’t seem to notice our vast lack of attention and kept droning on. I looked out the window and could see the clouds floating by. I remember when I was little my dad and I used to try to find animals in them. We had our own zoo he used to tell me before he’d get so drunk he used to make animals up that didn’t exist.

After school I walked back to the house, going as slow as I possibly could, stopping to look at stuff along the way. I stopped to pick up a nail and wondered where it had come from. I also spotted a rock that caught the sparkle of the sun. I put them both in my pocket to look at better later. I walked as slow as I could but eventually I came to the house. I stopped on the sidewalk to gaze at it with dread. I hated this house and what lay within it. I wished I could just keep going and walk until I found a beautiful house, with the sun shining down on a dazzling garden, spring flowers popping up everywhere. It would have a white picket fence, and a dog in the yard. And just beyond the garden a big tree, branches growing out at every angle. A tree house balanced between two of them and a rope swing below them. It would have a mom, waiting on the porch with an after-school snack and so happy to see me after the long school day. I would eat the snack in my tree house and play with my dog until dinner.We would have dinner, a real dinner, when my dad got home and talk about our day. I would actually do my homework and get tucked into a nice warm bed at night.

Mary popped her head out the door just then, interrupting my reminiscing and yelled “are you going to get your scrawny butt in here or stand out there like an idiot all night? I’m getting hungry and you’ve got chores to do.” I shuffled up the driveway and dropped my bag on the floor beside the door. I heard the air before I felt the slap on the side of my head. “You hang that bag up, don’t be leaving it on the floor for me to trip over” she screamed. I grabbed the stool and hung up my bag then carried it to the kitchen to start dinner.

I was just finishing the macaroni and cheese when Mary came back into the kitchen. “Where’s John?” she asked. “I don’t know, I haven’t seen him all day. I thought maybe he was sick or something” I say quietly. She looked at me, staring, as if she could detect a lie or something. “You mean he wasn’t at school today? Again?” “I don’t know. Dinners almost ready” I mumble. She went upstairs and I heard her rummaging in our room. I heard her throwing things around and knew we’d have to re-assemble our room before we could go to sleep. When she stomped back down the stairs, I had dinner on the table and was just sitting down in my chair. Suddenly, I was ripped from my chair and slammed into the refrigerator. I slid to the floor and didn’t move. I knew not to look up and maybe she would just sit down and eat.

Just as I was getting hopeful, John came in the back door slamming it into the wall. I scooted toward the living room and tried to be quiet. As the screaming started, I crawled under the desk and pulled the chair in front to shield me and put my hands over my ears.

I’m not sure how long it was quiet before it finally sunk in. It wasn’t a peaceful quiet, but a dark ominous quiet, the kind they try to portray on horror films, usually before something terrible happens. I crawled cautiously out from under the desk, moving as quietly as I could. The house was dark, no lights on, even in the kitchen. I guess I must have fallen asleep and everyone had gone to bed. I was surprised Mary hadn’t found me to clean up the kitchen after dinner. I hoped there was some macaroni and cheese left but I didn’t hold out hope. John would have eaten it, just out of spite. It would be a long night without any dinner and my stomach must have thought the same since it chose that moment to protest. As I walked into the kitchen, I hit the light switch and lost any thought of food.

Mary lay on the floor between the table and the sink. Her face looked purple, and her eyes were staring straight ahead as if she were outside looking at the clouds. My first thought was which animals did she see? I rounded the table to get a better look and realized her mouth was open and stuffed with macaroni and cheese, the empty pan laying next to her. I was just getting ready to scream when John came running through the back door, with two cops right behind him. They all stopped short when they saw me. The cops were pulling their guns, and the first cop behind John grabbed him and stepped to stand in front of him. “Put your hands behind your head and lay down on the floor” the other cop yelled. It was a good minute before I realized they were yelling at me. “What’s going on John?” I asked. “Get down on the floor!” the cop yelled again. I laid down, crying now. The cops came over and handcuffed me but the handcuffs slipped back off. He pulled out a zip tie and secured them. I was so terrified, I could feel urine leaking down my leg, racing for the floor with my tears. The cop yanked me up and started for the door, but the other cop pointed at me and said “don’t put him in the car like that”. John said quietly “I’ll get a towel” and retreated down the hall toward the downstairs bathroom. While he was gone, I kept trying to find out what was going on but the cops wouldn't answer me. It was like I wasn’t even there. After John came back with the towel they locked me in the police car and went back to the house. It was a long while before they came back.

Everything was a blur after that, I vaguely remember getting to the police station and being put into a room. A nice lady came and asked me if I wanted a drink or something to eat but I didn’t think I could keep anything down. No one would tell me what was going on. I knew something bad had happened, but no one would answer my questions. Finally, I fell asleep leaning over the table and that’s when they woke me. Two men and the nice lady came into the room and sat with me. They told me their names and the nice lady said they were there to help me. “Help me with what?” I asked. “We need you to tell us the truth about what happened”. So I did, everything I could remember. “Can I go home now?” I asked when I was finished. “Not yet” said one of the men. “We need you to tell us the truth. Do you know how to tell the truth?” “But I did tell you the truth” I said. “That’s not what John said” he responded. “What do you mean?” I asked. “John says he didn’t come home until later that night, he was at the park, playing with some boys. When he got home he found you in the kitchen standing over Mary and ran to get help. He says you killed her.” “That’s not true, John came home and he and Mary were fighting. I crawled under the desk and hid. She was on the kitchen floor, just like I said when I came out”. “Who made dinner?” asked the nice lady. “I did, I made macaroni and cheese” I said. “Making dinner was my job. John had to do dishes.” “That’s all we need, son” said the nice lady. “Thanks. We’re going to take you to a nice facility now, they’ll get you cleaned up and get you something to eat. And I’m sorry to say this under these circumstances but Happy 10th birthday, Chris.”