There! My favourite sight. Not the sunrise, whatever it’s doing this morning, but you. When was the last time I saw that expression… You must have been much younger, though still old.
Your eyes widen, as if to say you’re seeing something extraordinary that you’ve never seen before. Your gaze darts in all different directions, capturing every shade of the sky. What are you seeing? I wonder what I seem to be missing. After all these years, today must be special. I wish I could enjoy the sky the way you do.
After all, the sunrise never changes. Just a yellow influx of soft light igniting the black, sitting on top of a constant blue. You loved to go and see it every morning, and so I took you. Seeing you marvel at the sight every time was good enough for me.
The sun radiates through our window. I am sat right beside you, but the warmth chooses you. Your facial muscles relax… A smile? You glow with content, and rays of light start glistening off the white hairs around your nose and chin. For an ephemeral moment, you looked just the way you did during your fittest days. Chasing, jumping around the garden with me- we burnt energy far more immense than the sky could ever produce!
How we used to run. You were gifted with racing legs, all those competitions you won. The look of bemusement on your face with a medal around your neck revealed even you couldn’t quite believe your talents. I always thought I had the edge during our garden sprints though.
The day we met remains vivid in my mind, and recently I’ve found myself drifting back to it more frequently. The local kennel, a real racket with the relentless clashing cages and boisterous barks. Musky odours struggled against the pungent perfume of the staff, the sort of environment that would short circuit the senses. Amongst the noise, I saw you. I saw you overwhelmed by it all. I saw your quiet and sensitive soul tense up, scanning every ongoing around you, unknowingly requesting help. How could I say no? Before we realised, we were already locked in a curious gaze. That was when the fire lit inside both of us. I chose you, and you chose me.
Thereafter, we ran. Across country and continent, we shared an adventure powered by a zeal for speed. You and me, charging to destinations neither of us knew, for reasons no one else needed to understand. We continued for miles, and okay, maybe you had the upper hand in our long-distance races, but speed became mere trivia when we finally stopped at the peak of a mountain to admire our world. You would turn, all teeth showing, and give me a look to say, ‘yeah, we just did that!’ We never got tired.
But then, we got old. Your first injury gave a glimpse of our present-day life. Comfortable and indoors. You hated living slow at first, I’ve never heard barking like it. Wouldn’t have been out of place at the kennel. You eventually accepted the increasing limitations of your body; I still haven’t stopped beating myself up over our slower runs.
You learned to appreciate the still evenings, too. My favourite spot was the lake, where we used to dismiss the arthritis and gun it to the water’s edge. I liked getting there first, even if it meant I had to wait for you. We’d sit for hours watching the water’s ripples transverse through the moonlight. The moon always fascinated me, it welcomed both our eyes with its simple glow and painted a wet stripe of white down the centre of the lake. My second favourite sight, shared through the same eyes. Just for those silent moments, I could see the world as you did.
Your pupils expand as your eyes connect to mine. You reach out. The sun places its palm against the back of my head with a tingling warmth that invites me in. Resting my head next to yours, we bask together. Oh, how did we ever grow so tired! Was it when we stopped our adventures, or did our adventures stop because of us? I never wanted them to end. In fact, why don’t we go out now? No cloud will block the sun today, so come on, let’s go! Whatever the sun’s doing right now, don’t you want to see it?
Your smile grows. That’s the spirit, I know you want to go out! Both eyes narrow as the smile ascends further up your face. That old fire is still in there, I see it dancing through your entire torso. You’re shaking, come on, like old times. You and me, chasing the sky.
I spring to my feet, but you pull me back in. Those half open eyes are now shining, absorbing the intense sunlight, glistening even. I’ve only seen this once, a very long time ago, when we first left the house, just us two. Both legs remain still… Oh I’m sorry. Not today, eh. I know you’re tired, don’t wor- you pull me in closer, your forehead kisses against mine. The reflection from your eyes engulfs my field of vision to just… light, wet light. It’s okay, don’t rush yourself today. Take it easy, just rest…
You release a long, long, long sigh, and the light fades. We rested together, smiling, just as we always do.
Footsteps, chatter, rustling papers, I’m awoken. They’re pulling me away. Where are you taking him? The rays of light ascend higher. The squeaking of wheels disappears further down the corridor. Where is he going? Voices compete for supremacy, but none make sense. All words I cannot understand. The room is now full, but empty of you. I set off for the corridor, but then I’m also taken away.
I wake a second time, and now I’m back home. Your scent lingers in each room, the scent of the outdoors. I look around, but to no avail. Did you get lost? Your smell is strong, etched in the fabrics of our furniture and on the edge of my nostrils. I always think I know, but can never lead myself in the right direction.
Weeks pass, and I worry that you’re waiting for me somewhere. I continue searching for you in dreams, trying to ask where you are. You always tell me, but like all dreams they’re forgotten a moment too soon.
All I can recall is we run. With speed and agility reminiscent of our younger years, we take to our world again. Gliding through light blades of grass, the shiny dew jumps out of the way, and the sky disperses its clouds. Towering hills bring us closer and closer to the very top. Our energy is infinite. You have that fixated look that knows where we’re going, and I try to follow. I never quite make it though, despite getting further every time. I hope I’m not making you wait for too long.
Waking up is now like entering another dream. I search the house, eat my breakfast, and sit by the window- it’s my new routine. Eventually, someone does return home. She comes with groceries, and I can never help myself having a nose. I knew her, and now I know her. It took me a while to accept that she was real because the resemblance was uncanny. She’s the younger one with longer hair. She looks just like you, not in the face, but in the way her eyes call for attention. You called her ‘Sally’. And she calls me ‘Oliver’, just like you. I think she will take care of me now, and I will take care of her too.
She may not be a runner, but occasionally we walk to the lake at night- walking is actually pretty underrated y’know, you should have given it a try in your elder years. We sit by the water’s edge and I frequently catch her glancing towards me as I gaze at every twinkling star. Same old night, a gentle orb breathing white into navy, scenes we spent hours enjoying. It’s beautiful, you’re missing out. But then again…so am I.
I know you’re out there, running, no doubt grinning with every step. Keep waiting for me, I will catch up.
However long I have left, I will keep returning to this spot. I will think of our times together here, our adventures and our games, and I will think of the next time I see your figure in the distance. I will run to you, faster than you’d like to accept, and ensure that this time I don’t lose you again.
When the moon rises above the clouds and extends its glow across the lake, sparkling ripples of the past cast the only reminder that keeps me dreaming. This is where I sit. The place where I knew then and still know now.
Wherever you are, best friend, I know we’re looking at the same sky.
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