Forbidden love

Another hot spring day has arrived , and the AC is on full blast. I look outside and see kids playing in the sprinkler and some where in the pool. There was a group by the ice cream truck, as there parents come out their houses with money. Everyone looks happy, like a picture I dream of. I haven’t been outside in a few days and people are starting to notice. Knock, knock, then a pause knock, knock, I hear my neighbors at my door. I hear Susan tell Molly, something is wrong. Bella never stays inside like she has been now. I know, I’m worried I heard Molly reply. As bad as I want to answer, I know I can’t. For if I do, it will cost me dearly. Few days go by and finally the buries from the last fight have faded. I go outside to soak up some sun and do some shopping. Smiling a little smile as I walk past another person, but careful not to make eye contact. Walking past a salon I catch my reflection in the window and pause quickly. I no longer recognize myself. My hair has some grays and is pulled into a messy bun. That’s how I normally wear it since it gets pulled to much. Feeling down and unsatisfied with myself I walk in and sit down in a chair. Two hours later I walk out with beautiful burgundy hair, With waves that bounced as I walked. I loved it and I couldn’t wait to show my husband. I rushed home, so I could get dinner ready.

I’m home, where are you Bella? I heard my husband yell from the doorway. In the kitchen Jim, finishing up dinner. Meatloaf, mash potatoes and gravy, corn on the cob and dinner rolls, I made your favorite. Of course banana pudding for dessert. I started bringing the food from the kitchen to the dining room. As I start to set the gravy down, I felt a strong grip on my wrist. I looked to my left and seen Jim eyes. They were cold and black has coal. They pierced my heart like a dagger. What did you do to your hair, he demanded to know. How much did that cost me? Who are you trying to look good for? With tears in my eyes, I softy said for you Jim. I want to look pretty for you. The food got slung across the room as he picked me up, one hand on my wrist and one hand on my throat and threw my across the table. Bella, how many times have I told you not to spend the money I work hard for. You sit at home all day, no need for you to look pretty. Unless you are trying to find someone else. Are you leaving me Bella? The abuse carried on into the early morning, finally it stopped. I crawled to the bathroom to soak in a hot tub. Quickly the water turned red from all the places that bleed. Laying there in the hot tub I relieved my last 5 years. Tears poured from my eyes as my heart broke more and more. But something seemed to snapped that morning. While soaking in the tub and Jim came in to say Goodbye. He had to go to work, kissing me on my for head and telling me he loves me and he sorry. Just he couldn’t imagine life without me. And if I wouldn’t disobey none of this would happen.

As he walked out and shut the door, I could feel the rage boiling inside. For I had enough and was no longer wanting to be his punching bag. If that was love, I rather not had loved at all. I made up my mind and no longer would I be quite. I haven’t told a soul, so I knew I would have a battle to fight and I must stay strong. Before getting dress and gathering a few items, I sat quietly looking into the mirror. Remembering all the nights I cried myself to sleep. All the pain I felt and how I wish for life to end. Life that I once loved so much. The man I gave my life to and vowed to love and honor had betrayed and hurt me for the last time. Wiping my tears I grab my belongings and headed to my car. Stopping at bottom step there a lose board and my hiding spot. I picked the piece of wood up and pulled out a black binder. In it is documents of every incident. Pictures and notes and anything I can think of, that I may need. Driving to the sheriff office I start shaking and feeling sick to my stomach. Pulling up I sit in my car for a few minutes to gather myself. I knew after I walked through those doors my life would change. I went in and talked with the investigator for hours. I was told I would have to face him in court and testify. Since I never called the police nor told anyone it was his words against mine. By the end of our conversation my home was no longer my home, I was accepted into a shelter for abuse women. My victim advocate worked hard and got us a court date within two weeks. I took the stand and spoke the words I had kept quite for so long. Not making eye contact with any besides my victims advocate. After hours of reliving my nightmare and all parties seeing the photos. The judge had a ruling and I was given a second chance at life and Jim life stopped when the judge gave him 15 years.

It's been one year since Jim got locked up. Someday are okay and others I still feel like his prisoner. Even though he can't hurt me, over the five years there was enough damage done and it's gonna take time to heal.