17

Beauty, to me, lies within. It always has. A persons actions and heart define their beauty. Jeremiah Tin has always been a beautiful person to me. When I was alone, he was there, when I needed someone, Jeremiah was there to listen to me. He truly was the most beautiful boy I had ever met. And to top it all off, his beauty both lied within and visually. He was tall, blonde, piercing green eyes and had a smile that could completely make someones day.

I had always loved him since we first met when I was in the third grade and he was in the fourth. We met on the playground where he said he liked my hair and though I was pretty. Nobody had ever said that about my long black curls and my very clearly African american features. In fact everyone said I looked messy and weird with it and I had almost began to believe them before he completely changed my mind and made me realize how stupid they were. I knew that I had to have this boy in my life no matter what.

Ever since that day, we saw each other all the time up until our senior year. I've had plenty of heartbreaks with him getting new girlfriends while he was completely oblivious to how much I loved him. I truly did love Jeremiah and I was just waiting for the day he'd tell me he had always loved me back, but that never came.

Jeremiah and I always dreamed of being NASCAR racers together. We had always raced our hot wheels cars together and tried to go as fast as we could, him always winning in the end. We had many big dreams about college, jobs and we always gave each other our fullest support.

Sometimes, that support wouldn't be inevitable. Around 9th grade, we had our first true argument. He had gotten a girlfriend, my friend. Her name is Natalie. She was a beautiful girl, I have to admit. That beauty was only on the outside though. She had a lengthy history I was aware of about her being manipulative and unfaithful. He, however, was completely blind sighted by her. I tried to tell him what I knew but dismissed me as being jealous that he found someone before I did and not wanting him to be happy. After that, we hadn't talked for the entirety of their relationship.

It wasn't until he had broken the no contact, texting me a simple "You were right, Imani." I told him it was okay and that he didn't know and I let him back in. I loved him too much to just let him go. That love had grown into an almost brothely love. Not romantic and it had always been. We both had agreed to never shut each other out again. But then, as most promises go, it was broken. Things were going amazing with me and Jeremiah until that party. My biggest regret.

Jeremiah and I had a tradition of going to parties and raiding the fridges and eating everything in there. It was supposed to be a great night for me and Jeremiah, but there, I met Malcolm.

Malcolm was very charming and seemed like the best man I had ever met. He had invited me to dance, and so, with the blessing of Jeremiah, I had danced the night away with Malcolm. I could see Jeremiah, arms crossed, seemingly not enjoying his night. I wanted to go over to him, but Malcolm had completely taken all of my attention and for the pretty much the rest of that night, we got to bond and know more about one another.

Around 11 is when I began to look for Jeremiah. He was nowhere to be found however. I checked every room, lucky enough to only briefly find one couple having sex instead of the usual 3. However, when I looked in the bathroom, there he was. His legs were curled into his chest, his arms hugging them in place with a red solo cup in hand

"Hey Jer, you ready to go?" I asked, slowly walking to him. He looked up with his sharp gaze. "I don't know, are you ready to stop basically fucking that guy in the living room?" He shot back. Never have I heard Jeremiah speak to me like that. Even when he was upset with me, I never heard that tone from him. "What are you talking about? Jeremiah, are you drunk?" I asked softly sitting next to him. He began sob softly. He laid his head on my shoulder, his soft cries becoming more uncontrollable.

"You left me. I love you Imani, and you left me for some other guy." He cried drunkenly, "You said you wouldn't shut me out ever again." I rubbed his back and sighed. "I love you too Jeremiah and I always will, but youre my best friend. That's how it has to be." I tried to explain, only riling him up again. He shot to his feet and looked back at me. "I'm leaving. I need some space from you. Don't bother talking to me."

Before I could protest him leaving due to his drunken state, he was gone. I should have never let him leave.

The next day, news spread that he was dead. It all happened so fast. Somehow, I didn't believe it though. I went to Jeremiahs house with flowers and an apology ready for him. His mother had answered the door, seemingly crying. She immediately hugged me and allowed me in.

"I didn't expect this to happen. Not to my first born. You were always the best friend he ever had." She cried uncontrollably. I stood up. "What happened?" I asked. I knew the answer but I couldn't seem to believe it. I couldn't help but ignore what I knew was the truth. "Oh honey," she explained shakily, "He got into a crash yesterday."

"No he didn't" I know I sounded absolutely stupid saying that but what else could I say? It was my fault he had gotten into the car that night. It was my fault he wasn't here with his mother. I couldn't bring myself to accept these truths. Not yet. "Honey, I know how much you loved him. He was always-" I have no idea what she had said next. My mind completely blanked, the words "he's not dead" repeating to me. I couldn't live with myself if I accepted this.

It took me a good week to finally realize he wouldn't be coming back. He wasn't gone though. Jeremiah was a highly intelligent 17 year old man. He loved cars, music and art. He may have had his faults but he was and always will be the best person I've ever known. A truly beautiful person.

As for me, now I'm 22, still with Malcolm who has helped me through everything. I visit Jeremiah every chance I get, telling him about my job. I became a writer, not a NASCAR driver. I write about him everyday and who I know he could've been. Because in the end, he's my best friend and I'll never take a second for granted again