To My Family - Note #1

*Note: This is a fictional work and does not promote suicide. If you're struggling with depression, anxiety, or other mental health concerns, please consider seeking help or talking to someone.*

I’ve tried so many times to tell people how I feel, especially about the anger inside me. I told you again and again about my intentions and efforts, but in the end, I was left completely alone in this dark, unfair world. Sadness surrounds me, and it feels like I can’t breathe. Even though I know there’s love in my heart and moments when I feel hopeful, those feelings don’t last. Maybe that’s why my decision makes sense—why stay in a world where love is used as a weapon to hurt others, when death promises peace, free from the pain and unfairness of life? Choosing to end my life still has meaning, and if the people who care about me truly understood, they wouldn’t judge me for it. It’s not a nice option, but it’s quicker than living a whole life full of suffering. No amount of beauty in this world can cover up how ugly it really is.

I leave behind a sister, a mother, a father, an uncle, and other family members. I don’t feel regret about it—this is my choice. I do love them sometimes, for the childhood they gave me. But reality doesn’t care about love or respect. It only speaks one language: a cold, hateful emptiness where death is the only thing that’s certain. The only truth in life is the nothingness that comes after death, with selfishness and cruelty filling the space in between.

To the family members who might blame me after I’m gone, I have this to say: In the end, you either die by your own hand, or the world takes your life without caring about your choices. I decided to take control of my own path, not letting the world decide for me. This was an act of free will, not the result of random cruelty.

To my mother, I told you how I felt many times. I shared my intentions, my feelings, and how desperate I was. But each time, you brushed it off, leaving me with the only choice I felt I had. I begged for help, but you told me that no hospital could do anything for me. I was truly alone.

You didn’t raise me badly, but you couldn’t stop what happened. There were moments when you made life easier, but in the end, you weren’t able to save me. The hardest part for me was how much I struggled to explain my pain. I just didn’t know how to tell you what I was feeling, and the gap in how we understood each other made it worse.

I’m sorry for the hard times I caused you while I was growing up. I didn’t realize how much damage I did until I got older.

To my father, I know you expected more from me, and as a man, I know I let you down many times. It wasn’t on purpose—it was just who I am. I realize I fell short in the ways you valued, and the criticism I got wasn’t your fault but came from a society with impossible standards. We argued too much for our relationship to feel right. I’ll admit, sometimes I started it, but the frustration wasn’t just mine. We were different men with different views, and in the end, none of it really mattered. The Earth keeps spinning, no matter what we think or feel.

You were my role model, even up to now. I looked up to you, respected you more than anyone, and feared you. Every word, every step, left me feeling anxious.

In the end, I won’t be thinking of you or Mom. I’ll think of nothing as I go into the unknown. The darkness that waits for us all. I won’t feel fear, anger, or sadness anymore.

To my sister, there aren’t enough words to say how sorry I am for how I treated you when we were younger. There also aren’t enough words to tell you how proud I was to be your big brother and how happy I was as our relationship grew closer and brighter. I hope someday you’ll understand why I chose this path. I won’t blame you for being angry with me; suicide is a serious decision, and I won’t be here to see its effects. But please know that I didn’t choose this to get away from you. If there’s one thing I’ll truly miss, it’s your love—because without love, we’re not whole.

Live your life fully; you have more talent than anyone else I know. If my death leaves you with anything, let it be a reminder that your life is worth living. Tell your boyfriend I cared about him too—he’s everything to you, and he’s the best person to have by your side.

To my uncle, you saw me at my worst and were always there to listen. You never pushed me away, even when I couldn’t express my emotions in a healthy way. I know the angry words I said, often about people I didn’t even know, probably brought you down to my level of sadness. But you never gave up on me and always encouraged me to keep going.

If I knew there was an afterlife waiting for us, I’d tell you “see you later” and look forward to more time together. But we both know what comes next—just nothing. No time, no feelings, no joy. Only an endless, empty oblivion.

You taught me a lot and inspired me so much. Without you, I wouldn’t have started playing guitar, or writing, or found interest in books. My life would’ve been less meaningful without you in it.

So instead of saying goodbye, I’ll just say, “see you later.”

To whoever finds me, I’m sorry for what you’ll see. I couldn’t get a quick way out, and I didn’t want to use drugs. I’ve decided to hang myself, using a notched belt in my bedroom doorframe. This feels like my way to escape from a world that’s full of misery. I won’t miss human society and the unfair standards set by the rich and powerful. I won’t miss a planet that’s slowly dying, though I’ll miss nature itself. I’m choosing to leave while it’s still as clean as it can be in my lifetime. I won’t miss the greed, the wars, the selfishness, or the disasters.

If possible, I’d like to be buried, but I understand cremation may be easier. Please don’t let my death bring you down; this was the best choice I felt I could make.

I love you all. Good night.