The girl across the street

I wake up groggy. I look at the clock it's 7am. It's funny to think of it as waking up with 3 sick kids I don't feel like I've shut my eyes all night. You have to love it when the flu runs rapid through your house! With 3 kids under 10 it makes for a long night. When one would settle the other would need me. As I dealt with more vomit than I thought was humanly possible and laundry that will take days to get caught up I feel like I've been run over by a truck. Thankfully though all the kids are sleeping now and the house is quiet. I roll out of bed and grab yesterdays sweats. I would normally never wear the same clothes two days in a row, but today I'm just happy I'm dressed. I leave the bedroom and walk as quietly down the hall to the bathroom. I love my kids like crazy, but the last thing I want to do is wake them up! When I get to the bathroom I throw my hair into a ponytail and quickly brush my teeth. Avoiding the mirror in front of me at all costs. No one needs that kind of a fright in the morning!

I follow my nose to the source of the wonderful smell of coffee that my husband has made. He hears me coming and fills my mug for me. I gratefully pick up the mug and savor the warmth of my first sip sliding down my throat. There is something so comforting about having a hot cup of coffee in your hands. We share minimal conversation as he finishes up his cereal and I finish my coffee. As he starts getting his work boots on, I refill my mug and head to the door. It's a beautiful spring morning. The temperature Is perfect for sitting outside in a sweatshirt. My husband kisses me goodbye and tells me he'll check in on us later to see how the kids are feeling. He tells me it might be another late night as he's pluming a big new house today. I feel an intense loneliness as I watch him drive away. This is so different than how I thought life would be. I'm thankful I think, but there's this underlined sadness. Man I could really use a friend. Some adult conversation when he's not home. I love that he wants me to be a stay at home mom, but it's not easy or glamourous. Plus it's not like we couldn't use the money.

That's when I see her. My neighbor across the street. There she is all fancy in her designer clothes. I think to myself. She's dressed to the nines heading to whatever big office tower she works in in the city. I can't help but stare across the street. That women has it all. She and her perfect husband could be models. That's probably why they have no kids. She doesn't want to ruin her perfect body. I bet they have the perfect marriage. Not to mention the BMWs they both drive. They look brand new! I look over at my crappy rusted minivan in the driveway and sigh. It amazes me that they have this huge house, new cars and they're out all the time! I don't even remember the last time we went out. It's just too expensive. So we spend our nights at home. watching movies, playing games and helping our oldest do his homework. I don't mind any of those things, but it would be nice to get out once in awhile. What I wouldn't give for just a little bit of that. I bet she looks at me with disgust when she sees me. I wish she'd stop staring at me.

There she is I think as I run out the door. I watch as her husband kisses her goodbye. I don't remember the last time my husband kissed me goodbye. He's always too busy rushing out the door. I feel like I barley see him. Except if he needs me to look good on his shoulder for some corporate event.

I know she has kids too. Man I'd give this all up if we could start a family. Whenever I get the rare opportunity to talk to my husband about it he just fluffs me off and says he's not ready. We're not in the "right place" yet whatever that means. He promised me before we got married that we would start a family right away. I'm really starting to see that when it comes to me he's not a man of his word.

She looks so tired I wonder if she's getting any sleep over there? I'd love to put on some comfy clothes and sit with her on her porch and have a cup of coffee with her. I hate these tight expensive uncomfortable clothes I have to wear. My feet are already killing me in these shoes and the day hasn't even started yet! I'd love to compare notes about kids and life in general. I could really use a friend. In my line of work you meet a lot of people who pretend to be your friend, but not many are genuine and sometimes it's really hard to tell the difference. So I end up not trusting anyone. I never knew you could be lonely in a room full of people. But you can. My husband on the other hand is a social butterfly. He loves to be out socializing constantly. I would love to stay home and watch movies with him. play games with the kids, help with their homework that kind of stuff. I have been questioning lately who my husband has been spending his time with. I have a bad feeling that he's not being honest with me about a lot of things...

Well enough of that I have to go to work...why is she staring at me anyway?