What He Missed

Meet me at the train station. I want to talk. This is the last chance before I leave town for good. That’s what the note in his mailbox had said. He knew that it could only be from one person. West's heart raced as he pulled into the train station parking lot. His gnarled hands shook as he gripped the steering wheel. It was 7:52 AM. He had exactly eight minutes. And West knew that he couldn't miss this train. This was a chance that West hadn’t thought that he would get again. The sun had barely risen above the early morning sky. But the world had already woken up. The train station parking lot crawled with late passengers who dashed through the train station doors. Others strolled inside to see their loved ones off. It was so busy that every parking spot was full. West circled around five times but there still wasn't an empty spot. 7:55. I have five more minutes, he thought, frantically scanning for a parking space. 

He couldn't miss Diane this time. He just couldn't. West had already broken too many promises. Missed too much. This time he was stepping up to the plate and doing what needed to be done. What he should have done and said forty years ago. 7:56. Four minutes until the train pulled off. Still no parking space. With a sinking heart, West realized that he might fail again.

Just then, a man hurried through the train station doors and headed to his car. West pulled in as soon as the man drove away. 7:57. Maybe he could make it after all. He reached in his coat pocket. It was still there. His old bones protested as he climbed out of his car. But he couldn’t let anything stop him from doing this. It took him a minute and a half to hobble to the train station doors. The warmth of the station building greeted him as he tramped inside. West reached in his coat pocket and felt the familiar object again. He would make things right. As soon as West hurried out to the train tracks, he realized that something was wrong. A few people stood outside, hands in their coat pockets as they stared at the empty tracks. One lady stood crying as her husband tried to comfort her. And the familiar black train was gone leaving only the cold December air and silence. West looked down at his watch. 7:58. It wasn’t quite eight o’ clock. There had to be some mistake. He made his way inside and over to the desk. A bored looking young blond woman sat talking on the phone. She held up a finger for him to wait.

“I know, Gary,” She sighed. “I don’t get off until nine tonight.” She tapped her manicured fingers on the desk and smiled.

 “I will talk to you later tonight. Bye.” The woman hung up then began to text on her phone.

“Can I help you?” She didn’t look up.

“The eight o’ clock train hasn’t left yet, has it?” West’s voice shook. Deep inside he already knew the answer.

“Yeah. It left like maybe five minutes ago?” She furrowed her brow. “There should be another train coming, though.” West’s knees suddenly felt weak. The train had left. The room spun as the words sunk in. West grabbed the counter to steady himself.

“The train is gone?” he croaked. It could not be true.

“Yes. I’m sorry. You’ll have to catch another train.”

“But the train is supposed to leave at eight!” West stammered. The woman finally looked up.

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was harsh, and her eyes were cold. “But there’s nothing I can do.” West stared at her for a moment, but the clerk was done with the conversation.  She returned back to her phone. The train was gone and so was his last chance.

“Thank you,” he whispered. Then West shuffled to the corner and lowered himself into one of the empty seats. Somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to go back home to the large empty house that he was used to.  The large empty life he was used to. Soft Christmas music played in the background as people began to trickle in. There were the sounds of laughter and talking. The conversations revolved around when “they” would be arriving on the train for Christmas. But there would be no holiday laughter and sounds for him. And there would be no “they” who would visit. Just quiet.

His mind flitted to how he had met Diane Muller.  It had been exactly forty-five years ago at this very train station:

"Is this seat taken?" West walked up to the only empty seat in the train station building. It was right next to a young lady. The woman had long blond hair and sky-blue eyes. She had smiled and nodded.   So, West sat down noticing how beautiful she was. His heart pounded when he realized that she was still looking at him.

"Are you waiting for the next train?" she had asked. West shook his head.

"No. I live here," he told her. "I am returning home. I am waiting for a friend to pick me up. What about you?"

"I am also waiting for a friend. I’m actually coming to stay her," the woman answered. "My name is Diane."

My name is West.” West’s heart picked up speed. When Diane smiled, dimples appeared on her cheeks.

A baby’s cry startled him out of his tangled thoughts. West pressed his fingers against his aching temple as another fast-paced Christmas song played. He would have to spend Christmas alone again like he had grown used to for so many years. He pulled the gold ring out of his pocket and studied it. The item that he hadn’t wanted to forget was now only a reminder of what he had missed.

“Excuse me.” An old woman stood in front of him, gripping her cane. Her thin gray hair was pulled into a bun and a black shawl covered her. She peered at him over her glasses. “This seems to be the only seat available. Is it fine if I sit here?”

“Sure,” West mumbled.  He pocketed the ring. The old woman settled into the seat next to him.

“I’m afraid I missed the first train,” She chuckled. But there was no humor in her expression. Her face was wrinkled from years of hard thoughts and worries. West absently nodded as another memory came:

“You don’t care about me!” Diane stood in the doorway of his office. Her blue eyes were filled with tears. West impatiently looked up from his paperwork. He was too busy to deal with this right now.

“Diane,” He sighed. “You know that’s not true.”

“You have been working way too much, West. You seem to have forgotten about me.” West knew that he had broken a lot of promises and not shown up for a lot of dates. But surely Diane could understand that he was now CEO of the company. His company needed him.

“That’s also not true. You understand that I have a lot of work, Diane. This is important.” Diane stepped back, her expression becoming cold.

“More important than me.” That was what she said before she turned away and marched out of the office.

“Are you waiting for someone?” West blinked, the memory disappearing as quickly as it came. The woman was still gazing at him.

“No. I-I just missed them.” West looked down at his lap, blinking back tears. “I’m afraid I won’t see them again.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” The woman’s voice was gentle as she still stared at him. “I was hoping that someone would come but they didn’t. It was too much to hope, I suppose.” Her expression grew distant as her voice trailed off. Finally, she straightened in her seat and turned her piercing gaze on him again.

“I don’t wish to be nosy, sir. But is there anything that I can do to help?” West wanted to laugh. What could a woman who was nearly as old as him do?

“No, not unless you can rewind the clock to forty years ago.”  

“Forty years ago?” the woman arched her eyebrows. West ran his fingers through his beard, still holding back tears.

“Forty years ago, I lost someone that I loved over something that I thought I wanted.” His throat tightened and he could say nothing else. The woman said nothing for a moment. Then she reached out and with the gentlest hand touched his shoulder.

“What happened?” With his voice breaking, West began to speak.

“I met a wonderful woman at this very train station who I eventually loved. But I got too consumed in work and money. I became selfish and only cared about wealth. We fought quite a lot about this. But I never listened.”

“Then finally one day she told me that she was leaving town and that I had one last chance. I was so foolish. I didn’t think that she would leave me. After all, I planned to propose to her that night with this ring. I thought that money would make up for my selfishness.” With shaking fingers, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the large gold ring.

“But when I came five minutes late, she and the train were gone. I got everything I thought I wanted. I own a large empty house but no one to share it with. I have millions of dollars but no one to spend it with. I’ve spent the past forty years alone. I have everything yet nothing.”  Then West buried his face in his hands as the grief took over.

“I didn’t know that she was back in town until I got a note telling me to meet her here before the eight o’clock train. But I’ve missed it and so have I missed my chance.” His shoulders shook with silent sobs. Then remembering himself, he sat up and looked into the kind old woman’s face.

“I’m sorry. I’m sure that you don’t want to hear about my troubles. Tell me about your travels.” The woman offered him a sad smile.

“You are fine,” She replied. “I was only staying here for a little while in hopes that the person I wished to meet would come through. But it didn’t work out.” She slumped in her seat.

“I love this town. I lived here for five years before I moved. But a lot of falls and hospital stays have proven that I am getting too old to be living on my own. I never married and I have no husband to care for me. I am going to New York to live with my niece. It’s for the best.” She bravely lifted her head, but West saw that her chin wobbled. Then the woman’s gaze dropped down to her hands. Silence stretched between them as they both looked at the door into the empty train station outside. The sky had darkened, and white flakes salted the ground.

“Would you look at that? It’s snowing. My little grandniece loves snow. We’ll have a white Christmas I suppose.” The smile on her lips this time reached her eyes. For the first time, West noticed how blue they were. 

“Did I ever ask you your name?” She pushed up her glasses and squinted at him. West reached out his hand to shake.

“My name is West Grant.” Instead of taking his hand, the woman’s eyes widened, and she stared at him. Her face went pale as she quickly stood up. She backed away, gaping at him as if she was seeing something both horrifying and wonderful. West also rose, not sure if he should step closer or speak. But as soon as the woman wobbled, West took her arm and led her back to her seat. When he looked at her face, he saw years of pain lined on her ashen face.

“Ma’am are you ill? Is something wrong?” he asked, still clasping her hand. The old woman seemed to straighten and collect herself.

“No, no. I am fine.” A sharp whistle of warning cut through the air as the train pulled into the train station.

“Your train is here.” West stood and offered his arm. “Let me help you outside. Are you sure that you don’t need a doctor? You looked like you didn’t feel well.” The woman nodded and slowly lifted herself out of the chair.

“I am fine.” She looped her arm through his and they headed toward the door. The snow fluttered all around the station as people hugged their loved ones goodbye and climbed onto the train.

“Seven minutes until the train leaves.” The announcement crackled over the loudspeaker. The two strangers now stood facing each other.

“Thank you for helping me,” The old woman said, quietly. “You are very kind.”

“Of course.” The feeling of loss had once again washed over him. He would have to go home alone back to the life of money and silence. Then West remembered how impolite he had been toward this kind woman. She knew his name, but he didn’t even know hers.

“I’m sorry. How rude of me. I never even asked your name.” It was too late now, and the woman would be gone just like his chance was. But the old lady’s face lit up and she grasped his hand. And when she smiled dimples appeared on her cheeks. Her voice trembled with joy as she spoke. It now sounded familiar and beautiful to his ears.

“West, my name is Diane.”