Paradise Lost

Submitted into Contest #248 in response to: Write a story titled 'Paradise Lost'.... view prompt

63 comments

Drama Mystery Sad

This story contains themes or mentions of physical violence, gore, or abuse.

Paradise Lost

The emergency room buzzed with urgent activity as Amina lay on the sterile hospital bed, her face contorted with pain. Surrounding her were dedicated medical professionals—Dr. Adam Khan, Dr. Maya Ahmed, Nurse Omar Ali, and the team of nurses—Layla, Sarah, Fathima, Ayah, and Leila. Each of them focused intently on ensuring a safe delivery for Amina and her unborn child.

Amina, a survivor of war and unspeakable violence, had carried her unborn child despite the trauma inflicted upon her. The memories of that fateful day on the battlefield clawed at her consciousness, threatening to engulf her in despair.

As Dr. Adam Khan gently encouraged Amina to push, guiding her through the physical demands of labor, her mind involuntarily flashed back to the faces of the soldiers who had ravaged her life. Their sneers and cruel eyes seemed to superimpose over the caring expressions of the medical team, stirring a primal fear within her.

Amina's body responded mechanically to the doctor's instructions, each push bringing her closer to the delivery of her child. Yet, in the depths of her struggle, the lines blurred between the past and present. The faces of the soldiers became indistinguishable from those of the doctors and nurses surrounding her, their presence a haunting reminder of the trauma she had endured.

As Amina pushed through the waves of pain, her body tensed with each contraction, like the relentless crash of unforgiving waves against jagged rocks. Each sensation pierced through her, not just as physical torment, but as echoes of past brutality that threatened to engulf her in an ocean of despair.

The grip of strong arms around her neck felt like iron chains, suffocating her with memories of captivity and helplessness. The stinging slaps on her cheek reverberated like thunderclaps, igniting flashes of humiliation and defiance. Her hair, sharply pulled in a ruthless tug, echoed the sensation of being torn from her very roots. And the punishing blows to her legs resonated like cannon fire on a distant battlefield, each impact leaving scars on her soul.

Dr. Adam Khan's voice broke through the haze of Amina's anguish, urging her onward. "You're doing great, Amina. Keep pushing. We're almost there."

Amina's vision blurred with tears as she summoned every ounce of strength within her. The pain of childbirth mingled with the echoes of war, a cruel symphony of suffering and resilience. In the midst of chaos, Nurse Layla's unwavering support and Dr. Maya Ahmed's steady guidance provided a lifeline of hope.

Nurse Omar Ali gently tapped Amina's cheek, snapping her out of the depths of her memories. She winced, feeling the searing pain of cigarette burns on her skin—the soldiers' final act of cruelty before violating her. The sting brought back the horror of their violence, the shame of their degradation.

For Amina, the journey from fear to surrender was a tumultuous battle within herself. The memories of trauma clawed at her consciousness, threatening to overwhelm her fragile resolve. But Nurse Omar's presence, marked by gentle reassurance and unwavering support, offered a glimmer of solace amidst the storm.

As Nurse Omar continued to tend to Amina, her voice was a lifeline—soft and steady, like a beacon cutting through the darkness. "You're safe now, Amina. You're not alone. We're here to help you through this."

Slowly, the walls of fear began to crumble, replaced by the warmth of compassion. Amina allowed herself to be enveloped by the cocoon of care woven by Nurse Omar and the medical team. Each touch, each word of comfort, served as a balm to her wounded spirit.

Scientifically, the parallels between the pain of childbirth and the pain of rape are profound. During childbirth, a woman's body undergoes a series of intense physiological changes—hormonal surges, muscular contractions, and nerve activations—that are designed to facilitate the safe delivery of a baby. Yet, in the context of trauma, these same mechanisms can be reactivated, triggering profound emotional and physical responses.

The pain of rape is not merely physical—it leaves deep imprints on the psyche and physiology of a survivor. The act of violation can cause lasting damage, altering the very fabric of a woman's being. In childbirth, the reawakening of these sensations can blur the boundaries of past and present, leaving Amina to navigate the treacherous terrain of memory and survival.

Amidst the chaos of sensations and emotions, Nurse Layla's voice cut through the turmoil like a lifeline. "Stay with us, Amina. You're almost there." Her words were a beacon of hope amidst the storm, a reminder that beyond the pain lay the promise of new life.

As Amina's labor intensified, she felt a surge of overwhelming emotions. Through the haze of pain and trauma, her eyes met Dr. Maya Ahmed's gaze—a familiar anchor in the storm. In that moment, their connection transcended the clinical confines of the delivery room, offering a lifeline of reassurance and empathy.

Dr. Maya's eyes spoke volumes, conveying a silent promise: "I am here. Don't be afraid." Amina found solace in those words, a respite from the haunting shadows of her past. Before the war, she had known a college friend much like Dr. Maya—full of life, dreams, and shared laughter. The juxtaposition of memories—spring life before the war and the painful realities after—weighed heavily on Amina's heart.

In the midst of childbirth's relentless waves, Amina's mind wove together fragments of a life once lived—the laughter, the camaraderie, the innocence of days gone by. The images blurred with the stark realities of war—the chaos, the loss, the unrelenting brutality that had shattered her world.

Before the war, Amina's memories painted a canvas of innocence and camaraderie. Laughter echoed through sunlit courtyards, shared amongst friends like delicate brushstrokes on a masterpiece. The days were filled with the sweetness of youth—a time when dreams took flight and the world seemed boundless with possibilities.

But then, like an artist's palette doused in darkness, the stark realities of war intruded upon Amina's idyllic memories. Chaos reigned where once there was peace. The laughter faded, drowned out by the cacophony of violence and despair.

The loss was palpable—a void that no amount of time could fill. Each memory of brutality etched itself into Amina's soul like jagged scars on a once-pristine canvas. The unrelenting brutality of the soldiers shattered her world, leaving behind shards of broken dreams and shattered innocence.

Dr. Maya's presence was a bridge between two worlds—a reminder that amidst the agony, glimmers of humanity and hope still flickered. 

Amina's exhausted eyes caught a glimpse of Nurse Sarah through a veil of tears—a shared moment of laughter amidst tears that spoke volumes. It was a laugh that carried the weight of unspoken reassurance, a silent promise that her child was safe in this fleeting sanctuary of hope.

But just as quickly as laughter filled the air, the haunting echoes of war intruded upon Amina's fragile respite. The distant sound of raining bombs on the battlefield reverberated through her consciousness, pulling her back into the depths of her memories.

In that instant, Amina's mind became a battlefield of its own—a theater where the struggles of those who fought for their lives played out amidst scenes of unspeakable horror. The mountains of lifeless human corpses cast a grim shadow over her thoughts, igniting a firestorm of pain and despair within her.

As Amina grappled with the throes of childbirth, her consciousness was hijacked by the relentless echoes of war. The weight of the past bore down upon her like a leaden sky, suffocating her with the acrid stench of smoke and decay.

Amidst the shadows of memory, faces contorted with fear and anguish materialized before her—strangers-turned-comrades locked in a struggle for survival. The cacophony of battle drummed in her ears, a symphony of chaos that refused to be silenced.

Amina's heart pounded in sync with the footsteps of those who had marched alongside her, their silhouettes cast against the backdrop of a crimson sunset. The air was thick with the metallic tang of blood and the bitter taste of betrayal—a cocktail of emotions^ that threatened to consume her.

The contrast between the laughter in the delivery room and the cacophony of war was jarring—a reminder of the harsh realities that had shaped Amina's world. Amidst the miracle of new life, the scars of conflict remained etched upon her soul.

As Amina's body continued to labor, her spirit waged its own battle—a testament to the resilience of the human spirit in the face of unspeakable adversity. The delivery room, once a sanctuary, became a crucible of conflicting emotions—a microcosm of hope and despair, laughter and tears.

Even the medical equipment surrounding Amina in the delivery room disturbed her peace. Each device, each instrument, seemed to transform before her eyes into harrowing relics of destruction.

The heart monitor's rhythmic beeps became haunting reminders of distant alarms blaring amid the rubble of devastated buildings—a lifeline for those clinging to life amidst the chaos of war. Each beep echoed the urgency of battlefield triage, where lives hung in the balance.

The sterile surgical tools, gleaming under the stark light, evoked images of field medics working tirelessly amidst the debris—a stark juxtaposition of healing amidst devastation. Amina remembered the precision of those tools in the hands of tireless caregivers, fighting to save lives against insurmountable odds.

The IV drip, its steady drip-drip-drip, recalled the scarcity of resources in war-torn environments—a lifeline for the wounded and the weary. Amina envisioned makeshift hospitals where IV drips sustained the weak, their silent presence a testament to human resilience in the face of adversity.

As Amina grappled with the pain of childbirth, these ordinary objects became relics of survival, their dual nature as instruments of healing and reminders of tragedy intertwined. The delivery room, with its modern comforts, offered a stark contrast to the battlefield—a sanctuary where life prevailed amidst the echoes of war.

Suddenly, Amina felt her vision blur and her mind drift into a realm of haunting memories. In the haze, vivid scenes unfolded before her, each carrying the weight of her past.

Amidst the sterile walls of the delivery room, shadows took on sinister forms. A procession of dolls appeared before her, carrying children with distorted faces and glowing eyes—a chilling reminder of the innocence lost in the turmoil of war.

The room seemed to darken further as a headless mob materialized, advancing with ominous purpose. A sense of dread gripped Amina as she watched them march towards an unseen battlefield, their figures shrouded in darkness—a grotesque echo of the violence she had witnessed.

Then, amidst the shadows, a horrifying image emerged—a banyan tree adorned with the severed heads of refugees, each one a grim testament to the atrocities of conflict. The sight was unbearable, evoking memories of loss and despair that threatened to engulf her.

In a sudden shift, Amina's consciousness was transported to a scene of innocent joy—a group of children playing around a pregnant woman, their laughter echoing through her mind. But the tranquility was shattered by a deafening explosion, shattering the serenity and plunging her back into the harsh reality of war.

Overwhelmed by these harrowing visions, Amina's body trembled with uncontrollable fear and anguish. Her breathing quickened, and beads of sweat formed on her brow as she struggled to cope with the onslaught of memories.

As Amina's labor progressed, Dr. Adam Khan observed her distress and recognized the toll it was taking on her both mentally and physically. Her anguish was palpable, her grip on reality slipping as haunting visions tormented her.

With growing concern, Dr. Maya Ahmed witnessed Amina's declining blood pressure, a sign of imminent danger. Fear gripped the room as everyone scrambled to address the urgent threat to Amina's life.

"Her blood pressure is plummeting," Dr. Adam Khan exclaimed, his voice edged with urgency. "We need to act quickly or we could lose her."

Maya's heart raced as she coordinated efforts with the medical team, issuing orders to stabilize Amina's condition. Nurses and assistants worked swiftly, adjusting IV lines, monitoring vital signs, and administering emergency medications.

A sense of urgency hung in the air as time seemed to stretch thin. Amina's life teetered on the edge, caught between the traumas of her past and the precariousness of her present.

Amidst the chaos, Dr. Adam Khan's steady voice cut through the tension. "Stay with us, Amina," he urged, his eyes conveying both determination and empathy. "You've come this far. We won't let you slip away now."

Maya, her hands steady but her heart heavy, echoed the sentiment. "Hold on, Amina. We're here for you," she reassured, her voice a lifeline amidst the storm.

As Amina teetered on the brink of crisis, the nursing team rallied around her, their voices a chorus of reassurance in the chaos of the delivery room.

"Nurse Omar Ali, Nurse Layla, Sarah, Fathima, Ayah, Leila," they whispered in unison, their words a gentle murmur in Amina's ear. "You're strong, Amina. We're here with you."

Their collective support was a lifeline, anchoring Amina amidst the storm of her trauma.

Slowly, after what felt like an eternity, Amina's condition began to stabilize. Dr. Adam Khan's measured voice cut through the tension. "Her vitals are improving," he announced, a hint of relief in his tone. "Keep monitoring closely."

With bated breath, Maya Ahmed took charge, her steady hands guiding the final stages of Amina's labor. And then, amidst the hushed anticipation, a cry pierced the air—a sound that heralded new life and renewed hope.

A beautiful baby boy emerged into the world, his cries echoing like a promise of love and protection. Maya carefully severed the umbilical cord with scissors, a symbolic act of separation and new beginnings.

As the baby boy's cry filled the room, Amina felt a surge of emotion wash over her. She gazed at her son, his tiny form a beacon of light in the darkness she had endured.

In that moment, the words of her child's cry resonated deeply within her soul. "I am here for you, Mom! I will take care of you," his cry seemed to swear—an oath of unconditional love and resilience.

Tears of joy mingled with tears of sorrow as Amina cradled her newborn son, her heart overflowing with gratitude for the life she had brought into the world against all odds.

As the nursing team surrounded Amina with words of comfort and embraced her with genuine compassion, she felt a surge of emotion welling up inside. Tears streamed down her cheeks, releasing pent-up sorrow and gratitude for the human connection that enveloped her in that vulnerable moment.

Distraught yet touched by the outpouring of love, Amina wiped her eyes, her heart heavy with the weight of her experiences. Each embrace felt like a lifeline, offering solace amidst the turmoil.

Dr. Maya Ahmed rushed out of the delivery room, her heart heavy with the weight of Amina's pains and injuries. Tears welled up in her eyes, a manifestation of her profound empathy and a sense of isolation in the face of such suffering. As she retreated to her private space, thoughts swirled in her mind, grappling with the complexities of womanhood and the injustices endured by women like Amina.

In the solitude of her room, Dr. Maya prayed fervently, her plea echoing with a deep-seated desire for a world where such horrors would never befall another woman. Her eyes fell upon a book resting on her desk, its few remaining pages a testament to the harrowing tale it held.

With a heavy heart, Dr. Maya picked up the book and flipped through the final pages. The title, "Paradise Lost," adorned the cover—a stark reminder of the losses and struggles woven into the fabric of women's lives, particularly those victimized by war.

As she closed the book, a resolve stirred within Dr. Maya. Despite the tears and the weight of what she had witnessed, she harbored a renewed commitment to advocate for women like Amina and strive for a future where their stories would be tales of resilience, not of loss.

In that solitary moment of reflection, the echoes of Amina's journey reverberated within Dr. Maya's soul, igniting a spark of determination to stand against the shadows of injustice and uphold the dignity of womanhood.

***

Note: the phrase "a cocktail of emotions" suggests that Amina is feeling a powerful and overwhelming mix of emotions, including fear, sorrow, anger, and disillusionment. These emotions are described metaphorically as a "cocktail" to emphasize their intensity and the profound impact they have on Amina's mental and emotional state.

May 03, 2024 15:04

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63 comments

Fern Everton
01:57 May 09, 2024

I absolutely love the back and forth between Amina’s traumatic memories and the new memories she’s working to create, but I have a few suggestions. For one (and I see someone has also mentioned it), I would highly suggest going back through the paragraphs and seeing if they’re contributing new information to the story. Many of the paragraphs feel like they’re paraphrasing the same thing over and over, which can become very redundant and boring to read, to put it bluntly. You have a beautiful writing style and you’re very descriptive, so plea...

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Mohamed Sarfan
08:19 May 09, 2024

"Thank you so much for your insightful feedback on my writing. Your suggestions are truly valuable to me as I work to refine my storytelling. Let's dive into each point you raised: Firstly, I completely understand the importance of avoiding redundancy in my writing. It's essential that each paragraph contributes something unique to the story, advancing the plot or character development. I'll take the time to revisit my work and ensure that I eliminate any unnecessary repetition while preserving the descriptive style that I value. Next, you...

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Fern Everton
22:14 May 09, 2024

You’re welcome, Mohamed! I’m glad I could help you on your writing journey. I wish you all the best!

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Cedar Barkwood
12:59 May 04, 2024

This is such a heartbreaking story. You perfectly illustrated the pain, the fear, and the trauma. Every word had a purpose. The metaphors and flashbacks brought incredible life to the story. Don't stop writing, the world deserves to hear your voice.

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Mohamed Sarfan
05:43 May 06, 2024

Thank you deeply for your touching words and for taking the time to read my story. I'm grateful that the emotions and themes resonated with you. Your encouragement means a lot to me, and I will definitely continue to write and share my voice. It's readers like you who make storytelling so meaningful. Thank you again for your heartfelt feedback and support!

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Carol Stewart
17:12 May 09, 2024

A harrowing read. Agree with Fern re the paraphrasing, and think that the story might well be condensed to better effect, but very well penned nevertheless. Love the art comparisons.

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Mohamed Sarfan
04:56 May 10, 2024

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts on my writing. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Regarding condensing the story, I understand the importance of streamlining the narrative to maximize its impact. I agree that eliminating unnecessary paraphrasing and focusing on meaningful scenes will enhance the overall effectiveness of the storytelling. I'm committed to revisiting the story with this perspective, ensuring that each part contributes significantly to the narrative's depth while preserving its essence. I'm gla...

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Howard Seeley
16:42 May 09, 2024

Amazingly well put together, the emotions of love and hate, as well as the memories of horror mixed with the joys of the present. Well done.

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Mohamed Sarfan
04:58 May 10, 2024

Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughtful feedback on my writing. I truly appreciate your perspective and insights. I'm glad to hear that the emotions of love and hate, as well as the juxtaposition of horror and joy in memories, resonated with you. Exploring these complex emotions and contrasts is a central theme in my writing, and I'm delighted that it came through effectively. Your encouragement means a lot to me, and I'm grateful for your positive response to the narrative. If you have any further thoughts or feedback to shar...

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13:01 May 08, 2024

Thanks for readinging my stories Mohamed :)

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Mohamed Sarfan
19:47 May 08, 2024

Your short stories are full of uniqueness. Keep writing. Best regards

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Kay Reed
14:18 May 06, 2024

Mohamed- it is clear to me that you are liking stories in mass (without engaging with anyone else’s content but your own) so that people will come here and read your story. You are also following people in hordes so that they will follow you in turn, and then immediately unfollowing everyone. I get it- you want attention and people reading your stories. We all want this, in the end. But I’m wondering if there’s a better way to engage with this site and the other authors who are clearly spending time with your content in an honest and encoura...

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Mohamed Sarfan
03:24 May 07, 2024

I have never followed such practices as you mentioned. I work honestly. So I get such a gift. That's it. While I read many people's stories, some even read mine with love. That's it. Your story ideas are very unique. In a few days your writing are waiting to rule this world. My best wishes for that. That's great to hear, and it's commendable that you are approaching this with honesty and dedication. Building relationships and engaging authentically with other writers is key to fostering a supportive community. It's important to focus on ge...

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Kay Reed
04:48 May 07, 2024

I am most happy to hear I am wrong about your practices. Might I suggest that you leave comments for others (even if just for a few) after you read their stories, as so many have done for you? Since you are already reading the content, a comment wouldn’t be that much more of your time, and would go a long way in fostering the supportive community you are also in favor of. When you just like dozens and dozens of stories without leaving comments anywhere but on your own story, it can leave the impression that you’re not actually as engaged as ...

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Mohamed Sarfan
04:17 May 08, 2024

Dear friend! The accusations you level against me are unjustified. Every thought is beautiful. Like that, short stories are created in the individuality of the writer. I just don't know what your problem is with so many people reading my stories.

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Joseph Ellis
10:32 May 06, 2024

What an epic. Great story Mohamed!

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Mohamed Sarfan
03:01 May 07, 2024

Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Your feedback means a lot to me. If you have any more thoughts or insights, feel free to share them. Happy reading and writing!

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Helen A Smith
09:02 May 06, 2024

My only advice is to pare it back a little. Look at each paragraph and see if you have said the same thing before in another paragraph. When we feel strongly about something, it’s easy to repeat the same sentiment. That way, your words may have even more impact on the reader. Hope that is helpful.

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Mohamed Sarfan
03:05 May 07, 2024

Thank you very much for your insightful feedback and advice on my story. I appreciate your suggestion to refine the narrative by ensuring that each paragraph contributes uniquely to the overall impact of the story. Your perspective is valuable, and I will certainly revisit the text with your advice in mind to enhance the clarity and impact of the storytelling. I'm grateful for your engagement with the themes and emotions portrayed in the story. Your feedback encourages me to strive for greater impact and effectiveness in my writing. Your f...

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Mary Reid
01:37 May 06, 2024

Well written, good visuals

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Mohamed Sarfan
05:34 May 06, 2024

Thank you so much for reading my story and for your kind feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed the visuals in the narrative. Your comment means a lot to me. If you have any more thoughts or feedback, feel free to share them. Thanks again!

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Vid Weeks
10:01 May 05, 2024

Powerful story and a really effective comparison of the trauma of war and childbirth. I don't think you needed to explain 'a cocktail of emotions.'

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Mohamed Sarfan
05:35 May 06, 2024

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my story and for sharing your feedback! I'm glad you found the story powerful and resonant. Your point about the comparison of trauma between war and childbirth is appreciated. I'll keep your feedback in mind regarding the explanation of emotions for future writing. Your comments mean a lot to me, and I'm grateful for your insights! If you have any more thoughts or suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Thank you again!

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Helen A Smith
07:28 May 05, 2024

You write of the dichotomy between the beauty of an innocent child coming into the world (amidst the suffering and pain of labour) and the horrors and brutality and cruelty inflicted during war. You write of hope that the prospect of a newborn child will bring to a mother who has endured so much. Painful to read. If only humans could learn how to work together! Well told.

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Mohamed Sarfan
05:37 May 06, 2024

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and heartfelt feedback on my story. I deeply appreciate your insights into the themes of dichotomy and hope that are woven throughout the narrative. It's true that juxtaposing the beauty of new life with the horrors of war underscores the profound emotional journey of the characters. Your comment about the pain of the story resonates with me, and I share your sentiment about the hope for humanity to work together. I'm grateful that you found the story well-told despite its challenging themes. Thank you...

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Darvico Ulmeli
23:21 May 04, 2024

I find a lot of family stuff in your story. You write beautifully. Keep going.

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Mohamed Sarfan
05:38 May 06, 2024

Thank you very much for your feedback and encouragement. I'm glad that you found the family elements resonant in the story. Exploring themes of family and resilience amidst adversity was an important aspect of crafting this narrative. I appreciate your kind words about the writing style. It means a lot to receive such positive feedback. I will definitely keep going with my writing journey. Thank you for your support and for taking the time to share your thoughts! If you have any more feedback or insights, I'd love to hear them.

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Stephen Laviera
17:20 May 04, 2024

Not my typical genre, however beautifully articulated. The flow of the narrative had no drops. It also held attention masterfully. My only complaint is that it's a short story. If only it would be longer to quench my interest.

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Mohamed Sarfan
05:40 May 06, 2024

Thank you very much for your thoughtful feedback! I'm delighted to hear that the story captivated you, even if it's not your usual genre. Your kind words about the narrative flow and attention-holding mean a lot. I appreciate your suggestion for expanding the story—perhaps there's room to explore this narrative further in the future. Your feedback is invaluable, and I'm grateful for your time and insights!

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Stephen Laviera
16:20 May 07, 2024

Paisano, individualism is essential in writing. Just don't force anything for the sake of the narrative. There's a lot of fantastic writers on here. Gore Vidal was right there is a novel in everyone.

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Mohamed Sarfan
04:10 May 08, 2024

Thank you for your comments and encouragement! I appreciate your insights about individualism in writing—it's definitely important to stay true to one's unique voice and not force anything just to fit a particular narrative. Writing is indeed a deeply personal journey, and I'm grateful to be among so many talented writers here. Your reference to Gore Vidal's belief that there's a novel in everyone is inspiring and reminds me of the endless possibilities of storytelling. I'll keep exploring and evolving my writing while staying authentic to m...

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04:07 May 04, 2024

Such a well told story. Loved it, Mohammed. Amina had the support at the crucial time of her birth. She didn't go through it alone. War is such a terrible, horrible, inhumane thing. Poor Amina has been scarred and traumatized and she is suffering from PTS. No need for the explanation of the metaphor. A metaphor describes something not 'like' or 'as' another thing - which is a simile and helps paint a picture for the reader. A metaphor gives a picture so vivid but states it is the thing it is describing. A reader will understand the relation...

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Mohamed Sarfan
05:44 May 06, 2024

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind feedback on my story, and for recognizing the challenges Amina faced. I'm grateful that the themes resonated with you, and I appreciate your insights on metaphors. Your words encourage me to continue writing and exploring these important themes. It means a lot to me that you enjoyed the story and found the ending hopeful. Thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts!

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11:02 May 06, 2024

No problem and I hope you enjoy all the stories you read.

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Mohamed Sarfan
03:28 May 07, 2024

Thank you! I appreciate your understanding. I do enjoy reading a wide range of stories here. Your stories are so unique. Keep Writing.

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03:30 May 07, 2024

Thanks for that, Mohammed.

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Patrick Druid
04:01 May 04, 2024

Pregnancy, rape and war produce a lot of trauma and that "cocktail of emotions" is certainly apt. Very well done, making the most of a single moment in time and intensifying it.

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Mohamed Sarfan
05:46 May 06, 2024

Thank you for your feedback and for recognizing the emotional complexities portrayed in the story. I aimed to capture the profound impact of trauma and the convergence of intense emotions experienced by Amina. Your insights are appreciated, and I'm glad you found the story resonant. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts!

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Patrick Druid
12:55 May 06, 2024

Your welcome!

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Mohamed Sarfan
03:30 May 07, 2024

Your stories are so unique. Keep Writing. Here is my best wishes for all your future endeavours. All The Very Best!

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S. E. Foley
00:10 May 04, 2024

I can see the parallels of helplessness in the past and the present for the character; painting the picture of hope within the loss of past innocence, and the endurance it takes to continue. I do feel the explanation buried in the story removes the reader from the moment, though I appreciate the point behind it. Consider instead a preamble where your trigger warning uses that information or a final thoughts section like you had for 'cocktail'. As well, I feel like you shouldn't have to explain that one word. If a person has a sense of poetr...

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Mohamed Sarfan
05:47 May 06, 2024

Thank you for your thoughtful feedback and insightful observations. I appreciate your perspective on the use of explanations within the story and will consider alternative approaches to enhance the reader's immersion in future narratives. Your suggestions about trigger warnings and concluding thoughts are valuable, and I'll take them into account to refine my storytelling technique. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and engage with the story on a deeper level!

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Annie Hewitt
22:35 May 03, 2024

Beautiful imagery. The descriptions are vivid and powerful. Very well done

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Mohamed Sarfan
05:48 May 06, 2024

Thank you so much for your kind words and for appreciating the imagery in the story. I'm glad the descriptions resonated with you. Your feedback means a lot to me, and I'm grateful for your encouragement!

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Trudy Jas
21:09 May 03, 2024

Mohamed, what a powerful story. The emotional and physical battle the MC has and is enduring. The emotions the doctor is fighting. The support of the team. spot on, heartfelt, tearjerking. If I may. You described the cold, emotionless eyes of the enemy, use the fact that all she sees are the team's eyes (surgical cap and mask). Your (accurate but clinical) description of the physiological differences and similarities between rape and childbirth stops the pace of your story. I suggest we can do without it. And this shows my cultural ignor...

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Mohamed Sarfan
05:52 May 06, 2024

Thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback and insights into the story. I really appreciate your suggestions and observations. I agree with your point about using the surgical team's eyes (masked and capped) to evoke the imagery of the emotionless enemy. That's a great suggestion to enhance the narrative. Regarding the description of the physiological aspects, I understand how it can affect the pace of the story. I'll definitely consider refining that part to maintain a smoother flow. The name Nurse Omar as a male name. I appreciate ...

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Ty Warmbrodt
19:41 May 03, 2024

A powerful piece, written excellently, and flowed nicely. Well done.

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Mohamed Sarfan
05:54 May 06, 2024

Thank you very much for your kind words and for taking the time to read my story. I'm glad to hear that you found it powerful and well-written. Your feedback means a lot to me, and I appreciate your encouragement. If you have any further thoughts or suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Thanks again for your support!

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Mary Bendickson
17:02 May 03, 2024

The horrors of war vs the joy of childbirth. Thanks for liking my two stories. Getting caught up on a lot of my musings, I see. Thanks for liking. Thanks again for all the reading of my works. You are getting caught up on my list. I'll have to read some of yours I have missed from the past. Thanks for liking 'Battle of the Sexes'. Thanks for liking 'The Passing' and 'Secret Secret Agent Man'. Thanks for liking my two doggie tales. 'Not Another One's and 'Follow Me'

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Mohamed Sarfan
05:55 May 06, 2024

Thank you for your thoughtful comments and for sharing your stories as well. I appreciate your perspective on the contrasting themes in my story. It's always a pleasure to read and engage with other writers' work, and I'm glad we can support each other in our creative endeavors. Feel free to reach out anytime, and I look forward to reading more of your writing. Thank you again for your kind words and encouragement!

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Mary Bendickson
13:21 May 06, 2024

And thank you. I haven't gotten back to read more of your's yet but will.

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Mohamed Sarfan
03:32 May 07, 2024

You're welcome! I'm glad you're planning to read more of my stories. I look forward to hearing your thoughts when you get the chance to read them. Happy reading! Your stories are so unique. Keep Writing. Here is my best wishes for all your future endeavours. All The Very Best!

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