THOUSAND MILE JOURNEY TO REDEMPTION

These AA meetings are not working. The temptation is still within me. I miss the feeling of getting high. I miss the cold hard liquor. I miss it all. I promised my daughter I would go to the meetings and get better.

My daughter is my world. I broke her heart. I broke the promise I made to my sweet girl Violet. She caught me drinking. I didn't have any words to say to Violet. Violet left home that day. She never returned. I don't think she's ever coming back.

Everything that has happened is my fault. I can't take back what I did. Violet is lost to me. I will never get my girl back. The best thing for Violet is for me to leave town.

I pack all my stuff. I grab a picture of Violet and hop into my car. With tears in my eyes, I start the car and drive away to an unknown place.

I reach the town limit. I get out of my car and look back. Goodbye my sweet Violet. I get back in my car and drive off. I don't know where I'm going but I hope for one things. I hope to find myself.

How did I get to where I am today? Well, it all started two years ago with one drink after a rough day at work and it quickly escalated to the point where I couldn't stop.

I needed a drink every day. I needed the rush. It made me feel good. No matter how much I wanted to stop drinking, I couldn't. My marriage broke apart. My friends didn't want anything to do with me. My mom and stepfather got fed with me. My sister the same. The only one I had left was Violet.

I tried to do right by her but the urge was too strong. Now I have no one but the open road. The first stop on my journey is to get gas.

I stop at the gas station and park at one of the pumps. I get out of the car, open the gas tank and pump gas into my car. I look all around me. I wonder where all these people are going.

"Hey there."

I look at the stranger next to me. I don't answer him. I finish pumping gas into my car. I go inside the store grab two bags of chips and two bottles of water and go pay.

The stranger is in front of me. I look at this profile. He looks familiar to me. He turns to me and smiles. I get the feeling I know him.

I stare at him for a few minutes. He gets into a classic car from the 60's or 70's. It's my turn to pay. I pay for my stuff and leave. I get into my car and continue my journey.

The open road is beautiful, a sense of freedom I never felt before expect when I'm drinking. I turn the radio up real loud and let the music take me to a different place. I sing along.

The next song that comes on is a song I played since my life began to fall apart. It brings tears to my eyes. I turn the radio off. Hearing that song is only going to remind me of what I lost.

For the next couple of hours, I drive and drive taking the back roads. I do this because I don't want to see happy families having a good time together. It will only remind me of what I lost and what I can never get back.

It's already getting dark. I need to find somewhere to stay. I put my strong headlights on. Up ahead I see a sign, Mountain Lodge one mile. I drive the one mile to the lodge. I don't know why I'm getting the feeling I've been here. I made it to the lodge. I turn into the parking lot.

Oh My God! This seems familiar to me but I can't place it. I park my car and go inside. I open the door and step into a winter wonderland. Wow, this place is beautiful. A sense of familiarity hits me once again.

I walk up to the desk and ask for a room for the night. "We meet again." I turn around and see the same stranger I saw at the gas station.

The lady gives the room key. I quickly go to my room. I open the door and go inside. What's he doing here? What's wrong with me? I stopped drinking ever since Violet caught me, that was last week. Now I'm seeing a stranger who looks familiar to me and this place. I know I've been here before.

I need a drink. I look around the room and spot a mini fridge. I open it and grab a small bottle of Vodka. No Jennifer, this is not the way to handle this.

I take out the picture of Violet. I'm trying for you baby girl. I'm trying. I shower and change into my pajamas and go to bed. I dream of Violet. Her beautiful smile. He infectious laughter. Her kind and caring soul.

I wake-up with tears in my eyes. I look at the picture of Violet. I miss you so much. I cry myself to sleep. The next morning, I wake-up get dress, pack my belongings and quickly leave. I check-out and go to my car. I don't see the stranger anywhere. Maybe he already left. I start my car and drive off.

The open road is beautiful yet scary. I always dreamed of taking a road trip with Violet. My drinking screwed that up. My stomach is growling. A sign up ahead, diner two miles.

Okay lets go to the diner. I wonder where I am. Another sign is coming up, Mount Clifton. Why does that name sound familiar to me? I'm sensing that I've been to Mount Clifton. But when?

This trip is already calling for a drink. Jennifer, you can't. This trip is about finding yourself. I reach the diner. I enter the parking lot and park my car. I step out of my car and walk to the diner. I open the door and step-in.

Well at least the diner doesn't look familiar to me. I find a booth and sit down. I'm looking at the menu when someone sits across from me.

"Are you some kind of stalker?"

The stranger looks at me and smiles. Oh My God! That smile. I know that smile but it can't be.

"Where are you heading?'

"Where ever the road takes me."

The waitress comes up to us and takes our order. I order a Turkey club with French fries. The stranger orders a Chicken sandwich with sweet potato fries. The waitress leaves and it's just us again.

"Why are you on the road all by yourself?"

I don't know if I should tell the stranger my problems. He doesn't look like a serial killer or a rapist. I see no weapons on him. Maybe he can give me some good advice.

"I have a drinking problem. It started with one. It quickly grew out of control. I lost my family and friends. What's even worse I broke a promise to my little girl."

I begin to cry. The stranger grabs my hand and tells me "The good times are born out of the bad times. You need to look deep within yourself and ask this question. Is my drinking really worth losing the people I love? Only you can answer this question. Only you can decide what is right."

I look at the stranger. His touch and his words hit my soul. His deep brown eyes look just like my own.

"It's hard to not think about drinking."

"It's even hard to lose your daughter."

The waitress comes with our food. We eat in silence. I ponder his words. Maybe he's right. Is my life worth it without the people I love? Is drinking worth it? I already lost everything. Drinking is the only thing I have left.

"I know what you are thinking?" I look at the stranger and shrug. "You're thinking is my life worth it? Every life is precious including yours. You just have to believe it. Lunch is on me."

The stranger pays and leaves. I watch him walk out of the diner and into his classic car. I take a good look at the car. It looks just like my father's car.

I leave the diner, hop into my car and drive off. There is nothing in sight but the open road. The country is big and beautiful. I don't know what to do. I'm more than ever.

The stranger tells me to believe. How can I believe when I lost everything? I hate myself for doing this. I step on the gas pedal. The car is speeding. I'm losing control. Jennifer, this is not you. Your life is precious. The stranger's words echo in my head. I stop the car and begin to cry.

"Jennifer, my sweet girl." Who said that? Oh My God! someone is outside. I get out of my car and look around. No one is here. Just then a white light appears. I step back.

"Hello my sweet girl." It's the stranger. He's not a stranger. He's my father. "Daddy."

"Yes, my love it's me. I've been following you since you left home."

"Why." I ask.

"To help you understand why you started drinking. Baby girl the day you started drinking was the anniversary of my death."

I can't believe I didn't put it together. I fall to the ground crying. My father wraps his arms around me. I miss his hugs. I miss him so much.

"I messed everything up. I lost the people that mean so much to me. I lost my little girl."

"Look at me Jennifer. Continue your journey and you will find what you are looking for. Remember I'm always with you."

In the blink of an eye my father vanishes. I love you daddy. I get back into my car and drive off. Mountain Clifton, the Lodge, those two places I've been too with my father as a little girl.

I'm going to take my father's advice and continue my journey. After a few more hours on the road, I land in the town of Hope River. This town is beautiful. I park my car. Okay Jennifer time for new beginnings.

I step out of my car and begin to walk. I look at the beautiful store and the people. The tall trees and the most beautiful flowers. I come upon a flyer that reads "Counseling, helping you start a better life."

It's time to get the help I need. It's time I start to believe in myself. It's time I get my life back.

I walk in the direction of the counseling center. Here I go. I open the door and enter. "Welcome, take a seat." I take a seat among the people. I look around the room. I feel nervous talking to strangers about my problems but I'm going to do it.

I listen to each of their stories. Now it's my turn. I begin talking about my drinking problem. They sit and listen to me without passing judgement. I'm going to like it here.

The journey to Hope River has changed my life for the better. The struggle was real and it was never going to go away until I admitted to myself what the problem was and the cause.

I'm happy to say I haven't had a drink in over a year. I'm still learning to cope with my father's death. I learned to do things that will honor my father's memory. I hope he's proud of me.

The next step is to reconcile with my mother, stepfather, sister and my girl Violet. I hope they will see I have changed and I'm no longer drinking.

A LIFE CHANGING JOURNEY TO REDEMPTION