Face to Face

A recent trip took me on a journey to meet an extraordinary person. 

This excursion began with me driving on the Portland freeway. One of my favorite things to do. NOT! Hilda, my Googles map, kept me on track by instructing me where to direct my vehicle until it was time to take the exit to the Airport. My nerves were on edge in having to do this jaunt on my own. 

Grasping the steering wheel tighter I boosted my scared inner child and whispered words of encouragement, “You can do this!”

As I navigated the car to the designated economy parking lot I was met with a traffic circle. My body temperature kicked up a notch while I debated which lot to advance to but the closed sign to lot A came into view and made the decision for me.  My shoulders relaxed and I headed towards the B lot. 

After getting my ticket, I proceeded to a parking spot that was located close to one of the bus stops and under a light. Feeling good about my choice, I parked the car.

Taking a deep breath, I turned the sedan off and made sure I had my phone, keys, and wallet stowed away in my backpack. The butterflies swarmed in my stomach making me suddenly wish I had a bathroom to use but I commanded my bladder to hold it.

Once I had ensured that the car was locked, I grabbed the handle of my suitcase, tilted it on its wheels and started pulling it towards the shuttle shelter. Like I was taught, I kept the surroundings around me in check not wanting to be surprised by some weirdo. 

After getting on the bus and stowing away my suitcase, I found a seat. The bus took off for the airport and I did a mental check of what I needed to do once I arrived. I had already done my pre check for my flight. All I had left was to go through the security check point and then go to my assigned gate.

Realizing I had my earbuds in, I reached for my phone and turned on some calming music. A grin, like a cheshire cat, bloomed across my face as the realization of what I was doing dawned on me. Oh my gosh, I thought, I’m actually doing this by myself!

The boost of confidence propelled me to get through the TSA check and board my flight successfully. 

Once I had arrived at the Salt Lake City airport, the renewed self-assurance dissipated into thin air leaving me feeling unsure about my capabilities in traveling by myself.

As I disembarked the plane, I scooted to the side for a few minutes to put my nervous thoughts back in check. After giving myself a quick pep talk, “suck it up buttercup, you can do this,” I reentered the crowd leaving the gate area.

While walking at a nice clip, I took in my fellow travelers. Some you could tell where seasoned travelers giving the impression that this was old school for them. Others were walking at a slower pace taking in the scenery around them as they talked to their traveling partners. I wanted to blend in so I stepped into beat with my music and kept pace with the veteran travelers for the thirty-minute walk through the airport.

Eventually I found my way to the outside entrance and went to the designated spot where I was to meet up with my ride. While waiting, I began to stand a little taller as it dawned on me what I had just accomplished. I normally travel with other people such as my sister. But today I have proven to myself that I am a capable woman who takes on challenges and crushes them! I really wanted to scream and do a ditty dance. But for the sake of my fellow travelers, I maintained my coolness.

My family member arrived and I was whisked away feeling thankful that I didn’t have to rent a car and try figuring out how to navigate the crazy streets of Salt Lake City.

I got caught up with my sister-in-law about the family. As I wrote notes about each of the eleven children in my phone, I pondered why I hadn’t done this trip sooner. I could have seen my mother-in-law before she had passed away unexpectantly. But I was thankful that this opportunity had presented itself and that I could be here to show my respect to a wonderful woman who had made an impression on my life. 

During our drive, my sister-in-law informed me that my ex-husband would be attending the funeral also. That’s interesting, I thought. No one mentioned this to me before I started this little excursion of mine. So, I smiled and reassured her that I was totally fine with it. Secretly I was hoping that there wasn’t going to be any more surprises.

What’s shocking is that I was really okay. Looking back, I would have thought that I’d feel all wacky inside with old feelings bubbling to the surface. But I was calm and felt reassured that this weekend was going to turn out alright.

The next day I spent time interacting with my ex-husband and attending the funeral. When I got back to the hotel, I sat and fell back onto the bed. Looking at the ceiling I revisited the day and wondered what had possessed me to come and whose body was I occupying right now. 

The why was I wanted to be there for my sister-in-law and honestly, I thought no one from the Westcoast was coming to this funeral. 

I finished out the weekend doing some exciting activities with my nieces and nephews and getting reacquainted with them.  I was surprised at how welcoming they were and wanting to spend time with their crazy aunt.

After a long day of playing and talking, I was dropped off back at the hotel for the night. Feeling drained, I dragged myself back to my room, locked the door, and dropped my backpack on the bed. 

Wanting to get ready for bed, I went to the bathroom and turned on the hot water to wet a washcloth. I felt my body start to relax as the moist heat from the cloth touched my face.

After doing this a few times, I then looked into the mirror. What I saw surprised me. 

An educated woman with years of experience that had molded her into this self-sufficient person.

Her facial expression displayed confidence.  Her transparency about the many challenges she had experienced through the years had given her an inner strength that was not to be reckoned with.

Her clear green eyes exhibited a hint of mischief that resonated her renewed youth. Now her motto is, life is too exciting to take seriously all the time. Loosen up and allow yourself to have fun.

This woman in the mirror told me that she had come to a point of being able to forgive. All of the lies and disappointments that had crushed her were now in the past allowing her to move forward and live without regrets.

Despite her age, there was an inner beauty about her that drew people in wanting to know this woman better.

As I looked closer, it finally dawned on me that this wasn’t some lady that I had just met. This female has been in the making for sixty-one years.  She was me.  I was having an encounter with an extraordinary lady who I have now become.   

 What a beautiful thing to finally meet this woman.