Waking up to a storm

“Get up Shaz, you're getting late,” Mummy politely urged me on.

‘Five more minutes”, as I wrapped the blanket around my body again and went back to sleep with no intention of sticking to my words.

“There is no chance of making it if you don’t wake up now.” Mummy tried to sound annoyed but she couldn’t hold on to it even if she wanted to! This is what you call mother material! The fabric that constitutes it has such a soft texture that it breaks before it snaps.

I unwillingly threw off the blanket and took a long sluggish yawn to feel the day break. I realized that even putting my best foot forward was inclined to make me late. I swallowed my tea with medicine-like haste and grabbed a sandwich before I rushed away to another day in office.

Somehow, this morning routine was an anathema to me and even after being married and entrusted with serious responsibilities I could not come to terms with its demands. As I entered office, my boss eyed me critically but did not say anything. I was 10 minutes late again! I felt bad about it but it hung about like a sticky cream. Perhaps, it had something to do with the cultivation of a bad habit that started very early in my childhood and continued to consolidate under the wings of a doting, indulgent mother who could not afford to see a speck of unhappiness in my eyes. Perhaps this lack of restraint spoiled me, as I hid behind this safety valve.

One day I reached office late as usual. I was working on some Excel sheet enumerating sales details for the day when my phone buzzed.

“Mummy has collapsed and she is not responding to us.” My sister’s panicky voice whirred at the other end.

Instinctively, I rushed outside the office and reached my house in double quick time. I did not even bother to take permission from my boss.

I saw my mother sitting on a chair, with her weight of the body transferred to her right shoulder.

Her eyes were wide open but she could not utter any words that were comprehensible. Her eyes seemed to be focused on something far removed from immediate vision.

When I tried to raise her to her feet, she could not find the balance to stand and she staggered back to the chair.

That rung an instant alarm! We immediately placed her in the car and drove off to the nearest hospital.

When we reached the hospital, the doctor examined her and after conducting the usual battery of tests informed us that about the accumulation of water in the brain that necessitated an immediate surgery.

That revelation fell upon me like a machine gun bullet penetrating my heart from a short sudden burst! The support that navigated me through thick and thin, taking ownership of all my weaknesses as her own and trying to respond to my wildest fancies with religious zeal was at the cusp of being snapped! Tears started to moisten my eyelids as I visualized a future without her presence. I broke down like a baby and could not muster the strength to rise from the floor. I found my world crumbling about myself with little chance at picking up the pieces!

The next day, I went to office with my mind stationed at another place. I looked around the table. My colleagues were working pretty much as before, computer keyboards were clicking and tea and coffee was being slurped and savoured over office banter. There seemed to be no change at all in their behaviour. It was quite strange to visualize the stark difference. While my world had changed forever, their world was still intact with the same fantasies and preoccupations that resided in my heart just a day before. What happens to one individual cannot be the lot of everyone else! This broke upon me in all its unpleasant nuances.

The next day the surgery began. I waited outside with restlessness gripping my entire frame. The doctor asked me to sign a paper that would make them blameless in case of any eventuality.

I took out the Holy Book and started reciting a few verses. It was a long time since I resorted to divine help in a while. I found ample proof in the axiom that when trouble is unleashed, man turns to God but on other occasions he turns to himself! It was a wakeup call right from the depths of desperation!

The surgery was successful. However, when I saw my mother’s face it had lost its usual brightness and lapsed into a colourless flat entity. She was not the same as before! After 2 days, she was released. She showed some signs of improvement but failed to demonstrate the same vitality that shaped her personality as the boss of the house. However, after 5 days she relapsed again.

We rushed her off again to the hospital.

The doctor sported a worried look and announced that she needed another operation.

The news exploded like a bomb to our overworked imagination. A repeat of the dreaded word was too much to bear. But we had no choice except to consent.

During her days of absence, I found myself helpless. Although there was my wife and siblings to take care of me in their own way but that motherly affection that I had got used to so much was visibly absent. This made it even more difficult to wake up on time and do the necessary chores, as I was completely dependent on her; more in the way of being tied to her apron strings.

My office duty was shrunk even more. I used to go late and even sometimes, I just disappeared without informing my superiors.

The boss happened to be the relative of my cousin and that helped things a little bit.

The second surgery was performed but she did not get better. We even tried to shift her to another hospital but did not work out. She was not able to recognize anyone and sported a lifeless expression as if resigned to her fate and going about her business in a matter-of-fact way.

After combating her illness for more than 2 months she passed away.

The earth on which I trod suddenly changed from green to pitch black. The fertility of the land was taken over by perpetual aridity hardening into a massy deposit failing to respond to any kind of therapeutic treatment.

The next day there was no one present to wake me up in the way of my mother. That soft voice which refused to elevate itself beyond a marginal doze of annoyance had been silenced forever! The pamper, the ultra tolerant nature, that super human consistency of bearing with a difficult child whom all had given up was gone forever. I scrabbled about myself to feel any remnants of warmth but it was only the column of sunshine that broke forth from the corner of the room.

After the bereavement was over, it was time for routine to make its way back into the scheme of things.

I reached the office 30 minutes before time. The office assistant was surprised and could not help me asking.

“Is everything alright, sir?”

I replied with a faint smile cracking through the corner of my lips.

“The time on my watch is fixed forever.”