Red Heels

I was layin’ on that scratchy black mat of his old run down trampoline on the backyard o’ his parents house, lookin’ up at the sky, the stars twinklin’ down at me. That’s when it all began, that night on the trampoline; when he reached over and gently brushed his hand over mine. The slight breeze blowin’ that night brought the scent of the ocean and his cheap cologne to my nose, it wasn’t the nicest smell in the world, but I breathed it in all the same, savourin’ er’y last whiff of it. I can still smell it even now.As we lay there with our hands brushing against each other I remember havin’ too blink a couple o’ rain drops out of my eyes, then the next thing I knew he was kissin’ me. 

Well like I said that’s when it all began, and the next time he was kissin’ me like that was ten months later at our wedding. I s’pose that it might seem silly only waitin’ ten months but we were so in love in, and in those days it didn’t matter so much. And if it did we didn’t care what people thought cause those first ten months were the best of my life and I believe the best of his too. We had been driven’ an old van up and down the coast, and it felt like we were experiencein’ all of life all at once, and none of it was bad. Then one day we decided to ring his parents, his father said he had a job for him at the office in New York, so we went home and we got married, happy as clams. I guess maybe that’s really when this all began, cause I don’t think nothin’ would’ve changed if we had stayed in that van.

He started hittin’ me the day after our daughter was born; this was about two years into things. Yuh see I guess he wanted a son real bad, I knew he wanted one but what I didn’t know was he’d blame me so darn bad. I don’t even know if it was so much of blame as it was just a real excuse to actually raise his hand to me.

He of course could be mean and I knew that, he was mean that first night when we were finally hitched. We were both good Christian’s yuh see so it was both ours first time. He was mean with it, not physically no, just with his words, called me all sorts of mean nasty things, things you should never say to a woman, not ever. I thought maybe he just liked that sort of thing, it never even crossed my mind to nip it in the butt right then and there, but he was the love of my life. Anyways that night and for the first couple of weeks he was just mean in bed, then he started getting mean out of bed. I’d put on a bit of weight from bein’ a house wife and not waitressin’ anymore down at the cafe on 12th street. He comes home and he says to me “honey I didn’t marry a cow, I’d prefer to keep it that way”, then he jabbed me in the tummy with his finger. The sayin’s kept on everyday, “I’d prefer those tits a little perkier just like so and so,” “just cause your home all day doesn’t mean you have to stop looking nice,” so every night since then I started lookin’ nice.

After he started hittin’ me I started lookin’ real nice, wearin’ somethin’ underneath special just for him, yuh know the kind of underwear no mamma or daddy would let you even look at. I started dedicatin’ three hours of my day as well to stayin’ in tip top shape, and double that once that baby come along. Well that was seven years ago now, and most nights it’ll be okay, but others I’ll forget that little somethin’ extra or wouldn’t let him stick it where he wanted and that would call for a beatin’. I seemed to think back then that I deserved it. I remembered my mamma beatin’ me tons as a kid for doin’ no more than playin’ too loud, and I deserved that cause I knew it caused her headaches; so why wouldn’t I deserve a beatin’ after falling to please my husband?

So I guess that brings us to tonight, I forgot you see, I forgot the special undergarments, not just the undergarments, the makeup and the special red heels he got me, the same heels his secretary wears. 

Oh don’t look at me with those wide eyes. It’s not much of a shock. He liked that tight ass as he would say.

Anyways, I forgot ‘em all and he walked in that door and saw me not wearin’ ‘em and he knew. He knew without looking up at my face that I’d forgot it all. I tried to run and he said, almost to himself “that’s why I’m screwin’ her more of’en than you,” and it stopped me dead him hittin‘ me hurt but to actually hear what I already knew and tried to ignore, that hurt more. But then I was just mad and I tried to run out of the house I’d be damned if I let him tell me he was screwin’ some other woman and let him hit me. But like I said, it stopped me dead and next thing I knew he was pullin’ on the collar of my dress and the house went dark. 

And that about brings us here, out to this meadow on this clear and wonderful night. People so often think bad things will happen only in the rain but they’re wrong, they happen on the most perfect nights too. Bad things happen to people all of the time, and the reason it can happen on any night is ‘cause for someone out there it’s a pretty damned good thing. And I suggest to the next girl that decides to screw her married boss that she’s ready to have a bullet in her head that matches his on a night just the same as this one, clear as the cheated woman‘s conscience will be at the end of it all.

And thank you kindly, for the shoes dear, mine had blood all over ‘em and still weren’t the right shade of red, ain’t that funny. Well you’re prob’ly tired of listenin’ too me talk.

Oh, nonsense I can see how anxious you are.

Please dear, say hello to him for me, if you don’t mind, while I shoot I’d prefer to be lookin’ up at the stars, promise I won’t miss.