There was this girl who once went on a blind date that was set up by her BFF they went out to dinner to this romantic Resturant in the city . After the romantic dinner they took a long walk along the boardwalk. When they we’re on the boardwalk they quickly realized they were being followed by police then she quickly realized that they were going after the guy she went on the blind date with he was wanted for rape and murder. So the date ended in disaster thee Woman went home very upset that she didn’t want to go on another blind date again. Years later something magical happened the woman had gone to a party with her friends and she met this very handsome guy named Martin he was very nice and generous they ended up falling in love the woman loved the man so much that she never wanted to leave his side they ended up getting married they had 8 children which somewhere in there there was two sets of twins there last child which was a girl had special needs she had a birth defect called spina bifida which is a curving of the spine . The girl with the special needs was very smart she was also very funny and witty she liked to laugh and just have a good time she loved hanging out with her friends especially at the mall which she loved to go to and shop shopping was her forte she loved it so much. The girl with special needs also loved going to the movies with her friends when she went out with her friends she so happy and one day she was out with her friends she met this nice guy who she fell in love with his name was peter he was a great guy he cared about the girl he took her on dates like out to dinner or a movie they liked to go see romantic or comedies he liked to see horror movies to but his girlfriend didn’t care for them she doesn’t like scary movies. After 6 months of dating a tragic accident happened when he and his Family were walking along the boardwalk he and his brother were shot by these two gunmen that escaped prison killing one of the brothers and it turned out to be the girl’s boyfriend how ever this girl had no luck with dating she could never find the right guy until one day the guy she saw she knew she was going to marry his name was Sammy Sam was a wonderful guy he taught me everything I know there is to know about baseball he was a very good basketball player he played in high school he was captain of his team they won two championships for their School the school they went to was in Brooklyn it was a very good school it was in the bay ridge area of Brooklyn. After only five months of dating they decided to get married so they did but sadly it ended in divorce two months later again the girl had no luck so she decided she was going to try and date women to see how that turned out her friends and family weren’t to kein on the idea but this is what she wanted to do and a few months after deciding to date women she met this hot smokin woman named holly she was great the girl immediately fell in love with her she was her best friend and lifetime partner she introduced holly to her family and they loved her as if she was there own a year after dating the two women decided they wanted to get married they wanted to have children so they turned to seroget they had holly’s sis carry the baby Three months into the pregnancy hollys sister miscarried when her sister miscarried both woman prayed for a miracle to happen after 6 months hollys sister tried again and by surprise she got pregnant again by this time with twins then holly and the girl had their miracle and nine months later they had twins a boy and a girl but sadl one was still born but at least they got there miracle the one that survived was their son Joseph there daughters name was Sara the drs did an autopsy and they were able to figure out that the cord was wrapped tight around the neck and it stopped the oxygen from flowing and that’s his the baby died in the womb. when Joseph was about three years old his moms wanted to try again to have another baby but this time one of them wanted to have the experience of being pregnant so holly was the one that became pregnant She found out she was having a girl and her and her wife were so happy they named her joy and nine months later they gave birth to their beautiful baby girl her older brother was so excited to have a baby sister in the family . Joy bought happiness and light into there growing family. When joy turned three years old she was diagnosed with a condition that was treatable but sadly it wasn’t curable the drs gave her two years to live so her parents tried to make the best that they have left with their little girl all of a sudden five years past and she was still alive and a miracle happened the pare took her to their dr and the dr that said she would live a short live but it just so happened that the dr found a miracle that could cure her but it wasn’t promising that she would survive but as years went on she became better and didn’t seem to need the treatments anymore which was amazing . Since joy got better she was able to go back to school and have fun with her friends and go to the birthday parties for her friends that she had missed with being sick all that time and she was able to do things with her family again she really missed being with her friends and family they mean alot to her she was especially happy to see her best friend Joanna which she is greatful that she met she and her best friend are going to be best friends from here to eternity
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2 comments
There are many run on sentences. "Then this happened, and then this." Try to avoid using the word "then". I think you have a great story plot, I just think you need to work on expressing it with flow. Try changing up the beginning of the sentences, and describe your characters, and their settings. It will help the story flow a bit better.
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Ok thanks
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