Psycho

What state am I in?   I’m in a state of confusion or state of emergency.  Can’t remember which.   If I came home and I saw the door was broken into.  What would I do?   I don’t have no home so I ain’t got to worry none about that.   Gotta worry about rain, sleet, hail, where to piss and shit so I ain’t arrested for indecent exposure again.   Gotta go out in a woods or rainforest or something.   Dig into dumpsters for left over shit that’s good but they ain’t gonna take it home since they ain’t got no room in no fridge.   I ain’t got a fridge.   What would I do with a fridge?   Sell it for cash.   Where is this place?   I still in George, Washington or what?   No.  George Washington ain’t no person, that’s where my mama and papa live ‘fore they died.   How old am I?

    Whoo.  Ain’t your mama or papa taught you no manners?   I don’t know.   When was I born?   I was born in Philadelphia.   When?   I just answered that.  Remember?   Columbus said the ocean blue in 2022.   Right?   Right.  

      You got cotton in your ears or what?   You . . . Where is I?   A hospital.   What hospital.   Where?   What be wrong with me?   I be nuts?   This be the psycho ward?   Why I be here?   What?   I try jumping’ off de Empire Building?   I be what.  Who told you that bullshit?  I no be bipolar.   Who told you that?   My kids?   I ain’t got no kids.  Look, where I go to take a shit around here?   You got flushing toilets?  Where?   Need me some shampoo and soap.   You know any motel ‘round here I could rob?

   I don’t?   You think just ‘cause I homeless, I no care about sanitation.  It be ten years since I got a cold or influza.  That be short for the flu.  Ok.   What you mean?  Influenza.  Tomato, tomata.  How long I can stay here in this here looney bin?   ‘Til my kids say so??  I keep telling you.  I ain’t got no kids.  I be being scammed. You be being scammed.   Unless . . . They gonna pay my hospital bills?   I ain’t got shit.   Somebody be bullshitting you if they tell you I be paying for it.  I ain’t got shit.  How much you assholes be charging me for this bullshit?   I never asked no one to come here.  I ain’t signed nothing and no one called no 911, right?  So, after I shower, eat, I can leave, right?  I keep tellin’ ya.  I ain’t got no husband.   I ain’t got no kids.   I be homeless.   Nobody gives a shit about me.  Look how much money people be putting in my cup?   Wait a minute?   Where my cup be?   You stole my cup.  Speakin’ of, what’s this bullshit I wearing.   You washing the clothes I came in with?   Where they at? You best be sure I get ‘em back ‘fore I leave here.  

     For the last time, I ain’t got no kids.  He’ll, if I’d a had kids, I’d be living with them, not be homeless on some street corner.  

    Man, how I know you ain’t be a playa in the hood?   Maybe I be on candid camera.   You know?   Or whatever bullshit show they got in these days with candid cameras.  Spiked or something?   Or maybe the Man Channel?   They probably ain’t got no Man Channel.   They just got OWN and WE.   Who you be again?   You did?   Man, I tell you, my memory ain’t been so good now I be getting older.  Just wait ‘til you be mine age, then you be living in a state of confusion too.  

    But I no be living in no state of confusion.  I be living in George, Washington.   No.  It ain’t.   Washington is the state I be living in and George be the name of the city.   I be in George, Washington.   That’s why there be a comma there and ain’t no middle initials.   Ain’t be George B. Washington.   It be George comma Washington.   This here looney bin be in George, Washington?   It ain’t?   Where it be then?   Why do I be caring?   Where you think I be heading after I get outta here if I ain’t in George or George ain’t be in me?   Or hell, I ain’t never be good with no English ‘cept Ebonics.   Now, let me ax you something.   No.  Ya ain’t gonna let me?   Then lets me talk to the managers.  Case Manager.  Ain’t never heard of no psycho business without just one CEO.   Ain’t no CEO?   What is it?   My personal manager?   That ain’t even make no sense.   I don’t work here.  Why would I need a manager?   Call her?   And ask her what?   Everything I be axing you.  Sure.  Get me this motherfucking manager.  

*

    You’s got my clothes or you sell all my shit at the flea market?   Torn?   Who done torn my clothes?   Insurance?   He’ll fucking no I ain’t got no insurance.   Payment plan?   Why I need a payment plan when I done never asked no one to come in here?   Paperwork?   What paperwork?   I ain’t never filled out no paperwork.   Why yous sons-of-bitches ain’t understand this.  I ain’t got no kids.   So, no kids ain’t filled out no paperwork.   Sure, let me see this bullshit paperwork.  

*

    How these morons gets their hands on my SSN?   Man, now I gotta worry about them fucking around with my social security benefits.   You gonna help me.  Least these bastards left an emergency number.  You got yourself an ink pen and paper.   Let me find myself a pay phone.   There ain’t?   What?   Some bastards come and steal your pay phones in the middle of the night?   

    No.  What cell?   This be a prison?   Thought this was the looney bin?  They why the pay phones in prison?   Cellular?   You done lost your mind?   Show me yours?   In your pocket?   Right?   You got a quarter and a dime in there, too?  

       What year it be.  Man, you put me in the nut house and you don’t even know what year it be?  It be 1987.   Reagan be president and Bush be VP.   Yea, I be sure.  I be homeless in George, Washington.  Ain’t got no kids, no brothers or sisters.   No one gives a shit about me ‘cept Jesus.  

     Yeah, I be a Christian.   Say, today be Sunday?   You gots a shower, soap, maybe some nice Sunday clothes?   If I still be in George, I know where the church be.  Then where I be?   Memorial Hospital?   That be in George?  

    So, what year it be?   You be playin, right?   I been in a coma all this time?   I wasn’t in no coma?   How come the years changed?   Drugs?   I ain’t take no drugs.   That ain’t why I be homeless.  Shit happen is all.  Some people got bad days.  Some people got bad lives.  

     I go confess my sins, shit still be shitty.   Parable.   Man, what about real life here on the street in 1987?  

     I guess I still be in a state of emergency or state of confusion.   I maybe I move to the heart of George, Washington.