The Carnie

Warm summer evenings in Central Pa have always made me feel alive. And none more than when I was sixteen, innocent and dreaming of my first kiss.

I loved sitting outside in the hot evenings, watching the stars and breathing in the sweet grassy air, and dreaming of the boy who would love me, or at least kiss me. 

I knew I would fall easily and I wasn't afraid of heartache or break. I longed to feel it all. I wanted to know that pain brutal as it may be.

The fireflies dotted the sky and I smiled just knowing something magical was about to happen.

Back in the early nineties  the world was still innocent and I lived in a haven of safety in my little country town. The carnival was on and it was only a ten minute walk from my house.

When I was a teen I was obedient and sheltered. I spent a lot of time with my parents going to church and family lunches, but I wanted more. I wanted to be wild and carefree. 

I did something unheard of that night. I snuck out to the carnival alone after my parents had gone to bed. For me this really was a rebel move.

I took a deep breath and looked back at my dark house. Back in those days the carnivals ran til about midnight and it must have been just after eleven.

I walked quicky, my flip flops flapping on the pavement the night sky quiet and though I knew my town was safe I still darted my head around and nearly jumped out of my skin when a dog started barking.

It wasn't long til I saw the bright orange and yellow lights gleaming and smelled a mix of salty popcorn and cotton candy and I sighed with relief. This was the life.

Most of the crowd had thinned out and I saw my friend Mary in the distance dressed in shorts and a flowery top.  I ran over to her. She was the pretty one with her curly blonde hair and big eyes. 

I was forever her short, dark-haired sidekick that no one ever noticed but I was wearing the white top she had recommended and my hair was half pulled up and I was wearing eyeliner and I looked almost pretty.

Mary was as boy crazed as I but she had already had boyfriends. I had just seen her a few days ago but her eyes lit up when I sauntered over. 

"Allie you're here! I was just thinking of you and our sleepover last Friday!"

She was standing with her older sister. 

"Do you still have it?" I hissed. 

She winked and smiled.

We thought we were bad girls when we walked into the convenience store last week and bought the Playgirl magazine. I don't think either of us were very interested in the contents but we were curious. We were taking turns on who would keep it at their house each week and we held onto it like contraband.

Mary's sister said she would see us later and after walking around for a bit and seeing people from school we didn't really want to see we decided to try our hand at the games.

There was a boy about our age working at the stands. He had reddish hair and brown eyes. "Ladies, free game here!"

He was smiling at Mary and as usual I felt the usual pangs of being overlooked. We played darts for a while and it was obvious he liked her. 

I was terrible at darts and Mary even moreso but when she grazed a balloon, the boy came over with a huge teddy bear.

"Your prize, my lady." He grinned at her and she rolled her eyes. 

"It's getting late Allie, we should leave soon."

I tried to hide my disappointment. And although he was in no way a dream man, I wished someone just once would notice me too.

We rode a few rides but then we settled on a ferris wheel ride to end the night as everything was starting to shut down.

When we got to the ferris wheel it must have been near midnight because there was no line and the carts were nearly empty. We walked over and I looked up to see the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. So beautiful in fact, I stopped in my tracks.

Mary grabbed my arm, pulling me along. "Two please," she said, handing him our tickets.

Those eyes shone out in the darkness. I still remember his striking eyes fixed on mine and ever since I have since been attracted to men with blue eyes.

As we got into the cart, he gave me the biggest cutest smile that made my heart leap. 

For some reason, I didn't mention him to Mary. Maybe I didn't want to break the spell. But we got on the ride in unusual silence. 

But every time the wheel passed by he would look for me.

Finally Mary noticed when we stopped at the top, the lights glittering below. "That guy keeps checking you out." She said pointing.

"What, me? Really?" I whispered and shivered though the air was still muggy.

"That carnie keeps looking for you Allie! He hasn't even looked at me once, and he's really cute too."

"Oh really, I hadn't noticed." I murmured.

When we finally got off the ride, he smiled right at me, not at Mary. 

"Hi." He had a deep voice like I imagined he might and I tried to get out of the cart without falling on my face. He must of sensed it because he offered his hand.

I took it eagerly and felt an electric shock racing through my entire body.

"You ok?" His grasp was gentle and steady but my knees shook as I got out of the cart.

"Th thank you," I stuttered. I was in a hurry to leave but yet I could have stayed there forever.

Mary was walking away quickly. "Well my sister is ready to go Allie. Don't carnies stay with the carnival for the whole week? You could see him again."

"But tonight's the last night of the carnival," I said sadly. "Do you really think he was looking at me?"

"Well," she said with a smile. "I think he still is!"

As I started to walk away I could feel his eyes on me and I hoped I had a sexy walk at least.

I turned once and he was still watching me. He smiled and waved. I smiled back or at least I tried the best I could with quivering lips.

I floated the rest of the way home not even noticing the barking dogs or the darkness.

The lights were on when I walked toward my house. And I could see my father's shadow looming in the distance. Yep, I was going to be in trouble for sure and had it been worth it? No kiss, the boy hadn't even given me his phone number. But i couldn't stop smiling.

I knew this was only the beginning for me and only a matter of time before I had something real.

But right now it was lovely and warm and I had someone to dream about.

The magical spell had taken hold. A cute boy liked me! I would never be the same.

I walked back to the grounds the next afternoon but the carnies had all packed up and gone. I don't know what I was hoping for, a glimpse of him maybe to keep fresh in my mind. But thirty years later I still remember those eyes and that smile.