Award Ceremony.... So Stupid!!

Awards ceremony…..so Stupid!!

I guess it all started when I was a young seamen apprentice in the United States Navy. Here we are, standing in the hot sun with humidity close to 80% in Panama, waiting for the senior leadership from our command to arrive so that we can get on with the award ceremony. Sweating like a pig, about to be put on a rotisserie grill in preparation to be eaten by hundreds of people at the local command picnic, I am thinking, oh my God, when will this be over? I want to get back to the barracks, take off this monkey suit, get into swim trunks and a t-shirt, and get to the pool. As I looked up from where I was standing, I saw the line of awardees, seven in total, in crisp dress white uniforms, smiling from ear to ear, getting ready to receive their awards. Whispering under my breath, what in the world did they do to receive awards? I hope they did something fantastic, or was it the typical thank you award for spending two years of your life in a place where the only thing that you can do is work, drink, swim, and fish, which, come to think about it, there is nothing wrong with it. 

After another 10 to 15 minutes and close to the point that I am getting ready to pass out, the senior leadership finally arrives with their crisp white uniforms, fancy ribbons, and, of course, those large covers, which we call hats in the Navy. As the captain took the podium, I saw him looking at his notes. From my vantage point, it looked like he was about to recite “Gone with the Wind.” With my head spinning and my heart sinking towards my stomach, he pushed his notes to the side and told the executive officer, the second in command, “Let us get on with it; I have to get to another meeting in 45 minutes.” “Thank God for Captain meetings,” was the thought going across my mind, only if it did not start sooner. 

The executive officer, or XO for short, started to read the first award. “The department of the Navy would like to award Petty Officer so and so the Navy Commendation Medal for their accomplishments during their tour as the lead maintenance technician, blah blah.” Well, at least this person earned it. She was a great leader and a real go-getter, keeping the maintenance division in tip-top shape. Well deserved, golf clap!! Now the XO read off the second award, “The department of the Navy would like to award Chief Petty Officer so, and so the Navy Achievement Medal for their accomplishment building a boat dock and ramp leading to our water inlet by our recreation center blah blah blah.” OK, maybe well deserved, maybe not, but at least we got a boat ramp and a dock to tie our vessels so that we can enjoy the open water whenever we are not working. Good job, golf clap!!

Now, I will skip awardees three through six for now and get to the seventh awardee. “The command would like to recognize seamen so and so for their accomplishments volunteering for the Memorial Day service at the local VFW blah blah.” Well, that is cool, I thought. It is an excellent way for someone just joining the Navy to get out there and become involved. There is nothing wrong with that. Tremendous, stronger golf clap for my colleague who is the same rank. 

Now, it is time for awardees three through six. I notice at this particular moment that the XO takes a deep breath and stands in attention straight as an arrow, heels together, and eyes forward. I thought to myself, “Oh wow, this must be a very important award.” “Lives must have been saved; babies have been rescued from a burning building.” “People were taken out of burning cars; wow, what is going on?” The XO started reading, “Ensign so and so, Chief so and so, Petty Officer so and so, and Seamen so and so, …..wow group effort, maybe the part of rescuing people from a burning wreckage is true….The Department of the Navy would like to award the Navy Achievement Medal to this group of fine Navy Sailors for….. wait for it…..coordinating the command bake sale during the command outdoor day last month.” 

“Are you frickin’ kidding me? All of this build-up for this crap, this is so stupid” These were the exact words that were on my mind just right after the XO said the words “last month.” Well, so, I thought. Those words that were on my mind were actually in my mouth, leaving my lips, not in a whisper, as I hoped, but in a somewhat loud voice. As soon as I said “stupid,” I looked up and saw the XO, the Captain, the awardees, my division chief, and half of my team staring straight at me. The only reason the other half of my team was not looking at me with a death stare or a quizzed look was because their minds were already on the beach, swimming in the warm ocean. 

As soon as I saw all those looks from hell, I started looking around to figure out, “Who said that?” However, it was too late. My chief and my Leading Petty officer looked and pointed towards me, and both said in a quiet voice simultaneously like a well-tuned orchestra. “We will see you after the ceremony. Oh crap, why couldn’t I keep those words in my mind? Oh well, it’s too late; what are they going to do? “Do not say that again” make me do pushups. Make me volunteer for the next bake sale. At least there may be an advantage to that; I can also get a Navy Achievement Medal and show it off at the next Navy Day Ball. None of the above happened. They were both going to put me on report for being disrespectful and rude for saying what I said during the award ceremony. I have a feeling that they were influenced by the captain and the XO, who were not too pleased. 

Of course, any typical sailor would have apologized immediately and said I accept responsibility for what happened, and it will never happen again, but not me. As soon as my division chief opened his mouth, I said, “Wow, just think, I can get a Navy Commendation Medal for not burning the pig during next month’s command picnic or receive a Purple Heart for making it back to my barracks room safely without tripping over the roots of the Elm trees. Needless to say, my chief was a little furious over the remarks and said, too late; I was going to see if you were remorseful for what you said; now you will see the XO. 

Whenever someone says, “You are going to see the XO,” in a not-so-pleasant tone, it usually means that you are going to an Executive Officer’s Inquiry. Executive Officer’s Inquiry, or XOI, is when the XO will look over the charges brought against the sailor and decide if the sailor needs to see the Captain or, in other words, have the case referred to Captain’s Mast. Generally, if a sailor goes to Captain Mast, they will receive a punishment of restriction and extra duty. At the command that I was at, the maximum time for restriction, or being restricted to the barracks, was 45 days, along with 45 days of extra duty consisting of two hours each day except for Sundays. Extra duty consists of doing extra work such as sweeping the passageways or hallways, scrubbing the bathrooms or heads, and anything else that the Officer of the Deck or the Master of Arms can think of at the time. Since I was going to XOI for the first time, there was a good chance I would not be going to Captain’s Mast. 

At XOI, the XO looked over the report, raised his head, and asked me, “Do you know why you are here?” I took a deep breath and said, “I think the reason why I am here is that I made a remark on the group of sailors that received a prestigious medal for doing something so phenomenal, so out of this world, so above the call of duty, coordinating a stupid bake sale. Of course, the XO told me, “That is enough out of you.” Afterward, he asked, why did you say that remark? I replied that the Navy Achievement Medal is a medal awarded to sailors who did something great to help the mission.” Not for a bunch of sailors that their only achievement is ensuring enough sugar cookies and chocolate frosting cupcakes with sprinkles for the bake sale last month. I bet they will be proud of the pretty medal during the next Navy Day Ball.” The XO was not too happy about my response and said, look, what you need is an attitude change, or you will not get very far in this Navy. At that moment, I said to myself, Ok, that is enough; I better not push it any further. So the next words out of my mouth were, “Yes, Sir!” At that point, the XO said, “Based on the evidence in front of me and seeing that this is your first incident in the Navy, I am not going to refer this case to Captain’s Mast.” “However, you will be assigned EMI or Extra Military Instruction. You will start and keep a journal of everything for which you are thankful. You will make entries in this journal for the next 30 days. After 30 days, you will submit this journal to me for review.” “You are dismissed.”

Extra Military Instruction, or EMI, is a course of action assigned to the sailor to correct their discrepancy. For example, if a sailor is two hours late to work, EMI may require them to arrive 30 minutes early for the next four days. Another example is if a sailor goes partying during the time he or she is assigned to quarters because of illness, then the person may have to write a Standard Operating Procedure or SOP for being assigned to Sick in Quarters or SIQ. 

Of course, the XO wanted me to start my journal, What Am I Thankful For, right away, and I thought I could get it over with. There is no better time than the present. I had zero journal entries for the first couple of days. In my mind, there was nothing that I should be thankful for. In my mind, I get up, eat breakfast, go to work, eat lunch, go to work again, get off work, go to the pool, eat dinner, have a beer or two then go to bed. The next day, the same thing, rinse and repeat. After a couple of days, my leading petty officer wanted to see my journal to view the progress, which, of course, was not too much. After taking a quick peak and seeing nothing, he said. You do not have anything. Are you kidding? After a blank stare, I said that I could not think of anything spectacular that I did. I get up, eat, go to the pool, work, and sleep. That is when the leading petty officer said you need to start writing down everything. First entry, I am thankful for waking up; second entry, I am grateful the water was warm so that I can take a shower; third entry, I am thankful that I have a clean uniform to put on; fourth entry, I am thankful that my eggs were still warm when I placed them in my tray and so on. I said okay and started to fill my journal with the most trivial things; I am thankful that the pool was open. I am thankful I can get out of the pool without getting hurt. I am thankful I did not get ill by eating the food the mess hall served during Thursday’s dinner. 

After a while, the journal started filling up, and by the time the thirty days came and went, I filled up three volumes of the journal.  I submitted the results to the XO as he requested, and he looked over everything and asked if I had a change in attitude. Of course, I do, sir; there are many items I am thankful for, even though I’m afraid I still have to disagree with giving a medal to someone who is in charge of making sure that there is enough strawberry frosting on the donuts. He cracked a smile and said, “That is all; you are dismissed.”