Uncomfortable Silence

Anna loved her boyfriend but could never get a good read on him. She knew it was the nights that he went out of his way to pick the perfect restaurant and end the night cuddling on the couch that kept things going. 

The other evenings were uncomfortable. He would invite her over for dinner but hardly speak to her. She would try to keep the conversation going only to get short responses. There were silences between bites of steak and extra sips of wine to take the chill off.

They would awkwardly sit on the couch before she would finally suggest watching a movie. She sat next to him, reaching her hand out to hold his, whereas other nights, they were cuddled up so close without any room between them. The wall he put up at times was impossible to break down.

They would kiss goodbye, and she would arrive home with a text telling her that he enjoyed the evening and goodnight.

Those texts baffled her as the evening didn’t seem enjoyable. Communicating with him throughout the evening was like pulling teeth and then the night would end abruptly. Almost like he was waiting for her to leave. She understood feeling tired after a long day at work but couldn’t fathom why he wouldn’t just tell her that he wasn’t up to socializing that night. 

It led to her overthinking, trying to figure out if he was simply tired or upset with her but not saying anything. She would then get a text or phone call expressing romantic interest, and she would shrug off the last cold evening or phone call as nothing and perhaps her imagination.

Eventually the hot and cold behavior was starting to wear on her. They had been dating for several months, and she was naturally starting to wonder if things were progressing as sometimes his behavior threw her off.

She waited until an evening that he seemed warm before bringing up the topic. She had casually brought it up before on an off night, but he simply told her that everything was fine, and she let it go.

He picked her up from her place and brought her to a new restaurant that had just opened. It was reservation only. He had done a lot of work to find a new place in the city and made the reservations, so he must have been feeling pretty good. She planned on talking to him that night.

Thankfully they were seated at a corner table and had some privacy. He was in a good mood. He teased her gently, and they both had been laughing quit a bit. They ordered drinks and took a few sips before she started to feel confident in that it was a good time to bring it up.

“You know, I really like you Matt.”

“I really like you too,” he said, squeezing her hand.

“We’ve been dating several months now. I just thought I would ask if you feel like we have a future together.”

“Of course,” he said, looking at her with confusion.

“I just, you just, seem kind of distant sometimes,” she said nervously.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for example, last Sunday. You came over for dinner, but to be honest, you didn’t seem like you wanted to be there. I tried to start a conversation with you, but you didn’t respond much. I also tried to hold your hand while we were sitting outside sharing a bottle of wine, but you weren’t responsive with that as well. You left shortly after with hardly a goodbye. I thought maybe I had offended you somehow, but a similar situation happened in the past, and you said nothing was wrong. I didn’t want to keep bothering you. I don’t expect someone I’m with to always be talkative, but I wanted to make sure we’re making progress, since there are times you don’t seem entirely interested.”

“I’m very interested in you. I haven’t noticed that I act differently at times. I’ll try to pay more attention.”

She reached over and squeezed his hand.

“It’s okay. I just wanted to be sure.”

The same thing happened during their midweek date night. She came over to his house for dinner that Wednesday. He opened the door, gave her a quick hello, and then turned around to walk to the kitchen without another word. He then quietly finished grilling dinner. It was very awkward. She decided to ask each time this happened, otherwise he may not know what she was talking about, and she couldn’t handle the awkwardness any longer.

“Is everything okay? You seem quiet again this evening.”

“Quiet again? What do you mean?”

“Well, like we talked about last week. Sometimes, you seem uninterested, so I can’t get a good read on you.”

“I’m fine. I’m just not talkative all of the time.”

“I understand. We can always reschedule if you don’t feel up to hanging out. I get it. It’s nice to just come home and relax after work sometimes.”

“That’s not it, Anna. I’m simply not always talkative, and that’s something you’ll need to get used to if we are going to make this work,” he said angrily.

“It seems like this may not be a good night for us to spend time together,” Anna said and picked up her things.

Matt followed behind her.

“Please, Anna, I didn’t mean to come across that way,” he said, gently reaching for her arm.

“It’s okay Matt. I understand, but I think it’s best that we spend time together on a different night.”

She kissed him lightly on the cheek and walked out the door. She felt bad driving off with him still standing there in the doorway but could no longer put up with the cold silence.

She poured herself a glass of wine and sat on the couch contemplating what to do. She understood having quiet days but didn’t know if she could handle such hot/cold behavior. She tried not to ride on other people’s moods, but it was hard not to when it was this extreme and besides he was her boyfriend. He should be a little more consistent.

She called him the next day and told him that she couldn’t see him any longer. She explained that she needed someone who was consistent. He didn’t say much. It was almost as though he expected it.  

She never heard from him again. Something would remind her of him at times. She would find herself wondering if he had been simply unsure about her, if he had been seeing someone else and that person was on his mind, or if it was just the way he was. She would shrug the thoughts off and most importantly realized that she was relieved to no longer be riding on the waves of his moods.