Everything and Nothing and All In-Between

The circuit box is short-circuiting it seems, that or, Bianca forgot to pay the electricity bill this month. Maybe her landlord gave up on her wishful promises that she’d come across money one of these days. But the lottery numbers are always one-off, and her old job got bought out by the electronics store around the corner. The photography degree she invested in was clearly getting an awful lot of use. She had always dreamed of spending her days finding the perfect moment, a fraction in time, the point at which the camera freezes the subject ahead of her and the world dissipates. Instead, she captures the cobwebs surrounding her kitchen and the broken glass in the alley behind the nearest 7-Eleven. Normally during nights like these, she would go outside and walk until she found meaning in the in-between of her life. She used to bring her old, raggedy camera around town with her, but nowadays it’s weighed down by bricks when she goes to grab it. In recent weeks she’s used the frigid nights as an excuse to stay in, as if to justify it to herself. But the heaters off, leaving it much too cold inside to pretend. So, she throws on her too-thin coat and worn-out snow boots to meander the streets. Hands outstretched, halfway towards reaching the camera case she pivots, instead grabbing the deadbolt on the door. No film in it either way.

Key twisting to lock the apartment, she finds the familiar voices of her neighbors from behind closed doors. She had never bothered to meet them, instead leaving them an enigma in her mind. Even as she walks down the stairs of the complex and turns onto the sidewalk, all she’s surrounded by is the voices of people she’s never seen. Blurs of people pass by as she keeps her head down. Despite walking in the opposite direction, she finds that she’s on a path to her home as if it had a magnetic pull. She doesn't know if it could be considered home, but she always returns to it. She moved in after she graduated a year back when she still had hopes of moving out of it eventually. Now, it still contains unopened boxes from moving in. The only part of it showcasing her personality was the various photographs adorning the walls. She passes by the repair shop where she had her car scrapped a month ago and has to grapple to see the beauty in life as she used to. Halfway back to the apartment now, she decides to take a detour to a playground she sees across the road, yet somehow overlooked in her 15 years of living here. Whether it be to feel a rush, or to break up her monotonous routine, she runs across the road, not stopping to look, and is cut off halfway by an angry driver leaning on the horn. She breaks, watching ahead as the car slices the air ahead of her. The high beams from the car flash through her face. She’s less of a deer in headlights as she is the bystander to the events. Despite missing their face, she makes out the profanities loud and clear.

Once across the road, she cuts through the shrubbery that encages the gated neighborhood surrounding the park, and she finds her way to the playground. Dutifully unprepared, she left her watch at home and had to watch as the sky morphed into an ashy gray. The same color adorning the ashtrays littered through her home. Despite planning on quitting, something entrances her as pulls out a cigarette from her pocket and lights it. 

Not ready to leave yet, or not ready to go home, she finds the nearest place to sit, which just so happens to be the kids' swing set. Rocking back and forth and puffing a cigarette, the smoke weightlessly floats higher, reaching overhead and bleaching the already-blackened sky. Shows how the world never really stops. The sound of walking echoes in the snow without anyone there. The breeze extinguishes the light as she begins to light the second of the night, she hears something click behind her. Whipping her head back, she finds a girl somewhere around her age with a much too nice camera in hand. The stranger slowly brings it down from her face to stare Bianca in the eyes. 

“Sorry about that. I just saw you here and thought it was the perfect photo opportunity. I’m on break in school right now but don’t want to get rusty, you see?” the girl finally says after a deafening silence. Bianca stared at the stranger's shoes, hoping she would take the hint conversation would end as fast as it started. They were on the nicer side, leading her to know the stranger had resided in the gated community she passed. “Anyway, I can get rid of it. Of course, I’ll have to wait until it develops, but,” Instead of finishing the sentence, she trails off, clearly hoping to quash any idea of destroying the film. 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine. Keep it,” Bianca says, before glancing up towards the object that lay in her hand, before tacking on what had been gnawing at her mind, “Is that a Sony Cyber-Shot?”

“Oh yeah! Pretty neat, ain’t it? You know something or two about cameras?” Bianca finally glances towards the person she had been speaking to. The stranger's whole face was lit up, whether it was from her stepping closer to the lighter or getting to talk to someone who knew about cameras. Bianca finds it as if she’s staring at herself from the past, albeit, with less flashy gadgets. Not one for small talk, she curtly responds, “Something or two.” 

The stranger glances down towards her camera adjusting the zoom slightly. Between the light framing the stranger's face, and the passion in her eyes as she stares at the camera in her hand, Bianca had never felt such an intrinsic need to photograph a scene ahead of her. Unmoving, unwavering, and unblinking, she holds her breath to preserve the moment, as if will dissolve like the snow born from the previous snow squall. Her body shuddered as if she were the camera, entrapping the moment in time to live in her memory forever. Her mind carves out space for this moment to be remembered forever. The waxing crescent moon behind the stranger, snow half melted on the ground, metal lighter, sandbox inches away, and the camera in her hand being tinkered with. She stood there so long, she wasn’t sure when the stranger had left. All she knew, was that the stranger had gone with the wind, leaving a piercing breeze in her wake, yet it felt so much warmer in Bianca's head, now. 

Once the day’s warmer and the sun’s higher in the sky, Bianca decides to go back to the park. She had woken up before the sun to stop by the electronics store on the corner for more film. On her way, she decidedly took photos of the cracks in the pavement and the people she passed by. She left behind the one thing that made photos beautiful, the people inside them. Stepping foot into the playground, she finds it’s less empty than the previous night, the swing set she had previously occupied was taken by kids no older than elementary. Yet the seat she had sat in the night before was empty, aside from a photograph taped to it. The photo the stranger took of her. Something settles deep within her as she puts the photo in her wallet for safekeeping. Part of her was grateful for the physical memento of the night, yet another part of her wished she had something to give back in return. Maybe just the memory was enough.