Thank you for that

Dear Jennifer,

It’s been years, decades even. I never got a chance to thank you for the impression and experience you left on me, and I wanted to do so now, although I know this letter will never reach you, much less leave the confines of this room, just like the dozen or so other letters I will be writing.

I was eight, and you were ten, if I remember correctly. We were in the back of my dad’s pickup with the cab on it. It was the most excellent place to be at the time. We sat there, and out of nowhere, you turned to me and demanded I kiss you. I said no, but you threatened to pee on me if I didn’t. There was no way I could stop you at the time, so I chose the lesser of two evils and leaned in to kiss you. I about peed myself when I felt your tongue force its way into my mouth. At the moment, it felt like it lasted for hours, but when I think about it now, it feels like it was a fraction of a second.

It wasn’t the most romantic or best kiss of my life, but as far as first kisses go, I think it was a pretty good one. Thank you for that.

Dear Tabitha

I saw you last night. Well, to be more accurate, I saw you on television. My fiancé and I were watching one of your movies—you know the one with the dinosaurs. No one ever believes me when I tell them I used to know you. It’s been decades since we last saw each other or even talked.

Every time my fiancé and I go dancing, people compliment us and ask me where I learned to dance. You should see the look on their faces when I tell them that my ex-girlfriend, Tabitha Blu, taught me. “The movie star?” they always ask, and I just nod. I always seem to leave out the part that we only dated for a year in middle school. Whoops.

You dragged me to every dance event, both in and out of school, that you could. I hated it at first but eventually grew to love it. Because of you, I learned to dance and dance very well. I want to thank you for that.

Dear Monica

Word is, you own your own restaurant now. If it weren’t across the country, I would definitely eat there all the time.

You were an amazing cook in seventh grade; I can only imagine how good your food is now, especially after years of experience.

Before I met you, I only knew how to make cereal and mac 'n' cheese. I know I would have eventually learned to cook other things, but nothing like what I learned from you. I discovered a love for cooking that I would never have found if not for you, thank you for that.

Dear Rachel

Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. Out of everyone I’m writing these letters to, you’re probably the one who will never forget me. They say you never forget your first, no matter how bad it was.

I never thought I would look back fondly on such a disaster, but our exciting, awkward moment is something I cherish. We had such high expectations of how great it was going to be. We even bought candles and whipped cream. I would say we bought condoms as well, but I was so scared of being judged by the old woman at the counter that I stole them instead.

Do you remember that night? We had no idea what we were doing, even with all the porn we watched beforehand. I did something in the middle that caused you to hit the headboard, making a candle fall. We jumped up, thinking the bed was going to catch fire immediately, but it just splashed hot wax on us that burned. Why we thought candles so close to the bed would be a good idea is beyond me. Later, we tried whipped cream, but it was warm and made a mess, leaving the room smelling like rotten milk the following day. We learned something that night: two virgins equals a hot mess.

However, I’m grateful that my first time was with you. I think I would have been mortified if it were anyone else. We laughed about it and tried again and again and again. Eventually, we got the hang of it. Practice makes perfect, right?

Thank you for being my first; I can only hope I was just as satisfying to you.

Dear Anna

Hi Anna, I hope all is well. I'm not even sure how to start this letter. Let’s begin with the fact that I still feel horrible about the family dinner. That’s something I will never forget.

I often think about how it must have been from your perspective. You start dating some boy from school whom your parents disapprove of. Then you invite him over for a holiday dinner, thinking it will make things better. The boy brings a homemade dish, and it isn’t until after everyone has had some that they discover pork in it.

Your father kicked me out of the house so quickly, but you had to stay and explain yourself. I apologized nonstop when I saw you again, and you just kept assuring me that it was okay and an accident.

Because of that incident, I became more familiar with other people's religions so that I wouldn't ever disrespect someone in their home again. I never got to thank you for that.

Dear Lisa

My heart still aches when I think of you. I was sure that we would be together forever, but you had other plans. The day you told me you were going overseas for college, I felt my heart break. The news was devastating, but not more so than when I offered to follow you, and you shook your head with a sad smile.

I don’t know how I knew exactly what you meant without saying it, but it was clear as day. I loved you, but you didn’t feel the same.

You thanked me for being understanding, and I was on the outside. But on the inside, I was angry and furious with you. I stayed that way for years until I met a young couple who resembled us, and I saw the imbalance of the relationship and everything that the man was missing out on that the woman couldn’t give him because her heart wasn’t there.

I hated that you couldn’t love me, but I love that you cared about me, and that meant a lot. Thank you for that.

Dear Sarah

I hate to admit that I am grateful for knowing you in any way possible, but I am. When I first saw you, my jaw hit the ground. You were absolutely breathtaking. My heart pounded just being next to you, and I felt like I was in heaven when you agreed to go on a date with me.

That all ended when we went out, and I saw what an entitled bitch you were. You were rude to everyone around us because they looked like, and I quote, “peasant folk.” I was so embarrassed by your behavior that I constantly apologized to everyone I could. I even got an apology back from a woman, her sympathy for being with you. Then, when I asked why you treated people so poorly, you looked at me like I was crazy and demanded I apologize to you.

Before you, I often put beautiful girls on a pedestal, thinking they were as kind and sweet as they looked. I knew it wasn’t true, but subconsciously, I couldn’t get past that. After a night out with you, I now have no problem getting past it. That is all I am grateful to you for.

Dear Tracey

Thank you. Thanks to you, I constantly strive to be the best version of myself that I can be. Do you remember when we met at that college party? I tried flirting with you while I was a little tipsy, but you just walked away.  I like to say I was tipsy, but we both know I was a little more than that.

Then, two days later, I bumped into you at another friend's house. I tried to pretend the night at the party never happened, but you brought it up and pointed out everything I did wrong. I used the fact that I was a little tipsy, and you smirked and asked me to take a seat while you gave me a dating interview.

I sat and answered the questions you asked and listened to your evaluation of me. “Below average for your age but still improving; we can date if you're still interested,” were your exact words. I was so surprised that those words etched themselves in my mind.

I thought you were way too picky, but I kept that to myself. After two weeks of being with you, I started to see why you were so picky. You were amazing. You cooked, cleaned, worked on cars, sewed, hunted, knew about sports, and more.  

You once said that some people are useless and only take in a relationship. The more you know and can do, the more valuable you are and the more valuable you will be to whomever you are with. I liked the idea of being valuable to someone, especially to someone I love.  

Dear Nicole

Let me start by congratulating you on climbing Everest. I know when we were together, you vowed you would conquer that mountain one day, and you did, which was very impressive.  But you have always been an adrenalin junky, and I say that with love.

I have done so many adventurous things because you dragged me out there. I would have never jumped out of a perfect airplane, climbed a giant rock wall, been bounced around by raging rapids, jumped off a crane attached to a giant rubber band, or done any of the many adventurous things if not for you.

I’m sorry you had to force me to do those things while I was kicking and screaming, metaphorically speaking. However, I’m grateful you did, and I can't thank you enough for that. I even enjoyed being on that rock wall so much that I found an indoor rock climbing gym near me and go at least once a week.

Dear Mandy

I don’t even know what to say. When we met, I was already halfway through college and thought I was well-versed in the adult world. I had already been with a few girls and watched more porn than I could count, but then I met you, and you confessed that you were looking to broaden your horizons in sexual ways. Man, was I excited to hear that. To this day, I don’t know what I was really expecting. Maybe just more sex, trying tricky positions, possible threesome with another girl. I don’t know, but I do know it wasn’t what you meant.   

On our first date, I took you to play mini golf, and you asked if you could pick the next date. I was thinking of dinner, and instead, you took me to a fetish convention. My head is still spinning from that moment. I knew things like that were around, I just never thought I would be attending one. It was completely different than what someone would see on TV or online.

You always seemed shy and timid when we were out, but there you were different; you were excited like a kid in a candy store, while I was the shy and timid one. We were only together a few months until you finished school and moved back home, but it was an educational few months with visiting a few other adult conventions and trying a few new things. I may never try some of those things again, but I thank you for those months and experience.

Dear Stacy

I often wonder where you’re at or where you’ll be tomorrow. Have you ever found a place where you want to stay for more than a few weeks?  

I never got a chance to tell you how much I enjoyed our time together, even if it was short. I remember when you were hired at the coffee shop where I worked. I also thought you were a college student, but I was wrong.

It was a day before break, and I had two weeks off school when I asked you out. You said yes, and the next thing I knew, we were driving across the country together. I still have no idea how that came to be. We just about made it halfway before my car broke down, but you convinced me not to let that stop us. Next, we sneaked on a train, bought bus tickets anywhere and everywhere, and stayed at these community places where other travelers stayed.

The trip took four weeks and was amazing. I ended up losing my job and falling behind in school but it was worth it.

In the end I bought us both a plane ticket home, but you weren’t going back; back wasn’t where your home was. You never said it out loud, but you lived on the road. Constantly traveling from one town or city to another, working just to make enough to go to the next place. I said goodbye to you at the airport, and that was the last we saw each other. I wish I said thank you before I got on the plane. I never really traveled until then, and the one or two times I did, it was only to see family or visit tourist destinations. With you, I saw the world, or I felt I did. So, thank you.

Dear Kristen

I don’t remember how we met or when we became close friends, but somewhere along the line, we did, and we would talk about everything to each other. Then, one night, you came over, and we had sex. I thought that was the beginning of our romantic relationship and thought it was going to be a perfect one. I have never been friends with someone before dating them, but I hear people often describing it as a perfect start for something serious.

I know I changed after our night together. I went out and bought you flowers, an extra toothbrush for you to use when you’d spend the night, and some other things I refuse to mention. Man, were we surprised the next time you came over? You asked me to bring some friends, and I said yes. You show up with a guy, and I give you flowers. Talk about an awkward moment. You also brought your friend Kate with you, but we will get back to that.

I don’t remember the guy's name but he just turned and left. Kate stepped away and allowed me to get scolded by you in private. That was nice of her.

It was the weirdest scolding of my life; you yelled and complimented me repeatedly in single sentences. While explaining the significant difference between love and lust. “You don’t need to be in a relationship to have amazing sex. Sex is sex, and love is love. it’s probably great when they go together, but don’t always feel the need to combine the two.”

That’s when I truly learned the difference between love and lust and I have you to thank for that and for the night with Kate. I will thank her as well.

Dear Kate

Thank you for the threesome with Kristen. You truly made a fantasy of mine come true and you were absolutely amazing.

Dear Sophia.

Hi Sophia. I hope things are well. I heard you and John recently had a baby, and I’m happy for the two of you. I thought about calling you or John, but I can’t seem to bring myself to do it.

We were together for years. We were practically engaged, and I thought we would eventually get married, but we didn’t. We both found excuses to keep putting it off. We knew we were having problems, but we pretended we weren’t.

It was my birthday when we had the BBQ at the house, and I knew we wouldn’t last or ever be truly happy with each other. I saw you and John talking, the pain in your eyes from not being able to throw yourself at my best friend, and the longing for you in his.

I ended that night. You cried as I packed my things, but we both knew it was for the best. You swear you had no feelings for John, but I knew you better than you knew yourself.

After a week, I regretted everything and came running home, but John's truck was at the house. I parked across the street, furious at the two of you. Furious, I had no one, and you two had each other. But the next morning, I saw you two through the window. I know it sounds creepy, but I did, and I felt good about what happened. I still hurt inside a lot, but I felt like something in the world was made right.

Thank you, Sophia. Thank you for teaching me to know it is good to fight, and sometimes it’s good to let go.

To my fiancé.

I have never been happier than when I’m with you.