Lucinda

“Love can scorch and soothe, be denied and be delighted in. It can sour; it can blossom. But for everyone, those first electric moments are static and bold. The first touch. A minute caress of a hand in the dark. A wandering gaze that is held a moment too long. Chemistry, my friend, is not always measurable in a beaker.” Professor Green took the proffered glass vial from Hargreaves and suspended it above a low flame. Steam slowly rose in languid, rolling wisps, darking with a vile stench as the thickening liquid bubbled. Within the tube, there was an increasingly loud whine followed by a pop and the giant test tube exploded. Shards of glass fired across the room and the two scientists’ safety goggles were spattered with the corrosive acid.

“Oh, shit. Not again,” Mr Hargreaves said, dismay causing his heavy-lidded eyes to darken and his brow to furrow.

“Yes, drat it all,” Professor Green muttered. He and Hargreaves strode quickly to the chemical shower. They stripped out of their hazmat suits carefully, being mindful of touching the dark green acid with their bare skin. Their goggles and suits were dropped down the hazard chute, where they would be instantaneously incinerated.

“So, what do you think about Lucinda then? What kind of love is that?” asked Hargreaves curiously as he raised his arms and turned about in the sonic shower. “I know that marriage is looked down upon these days and monogamous relationships are so last century. But with Lucinda, it’s so different. Oh, I don’t know. It’s just all so bloody confusing.”

“Yes, well,” Hargreaves mused. He ran his hands over his furry belly and scratched himself.

“Shower cycle complete. All traces of foreign chemical removed,” the AI’s voiced piped over the speakers.

“Thank you, Olivia. Very kind of you,” said Hargreaves.

“You’re welcome sir,” said the voice. “Sir, might I add that you may wish to opt for some fibre in your breakfast tomorrow. By all indications, you seem rather constipated and your blood pressure is slightly raised.”

A rollicking, bellowing laugh erupted out of Professor Green. “Oh Olivia, he isn’t constipated. He’s in love!” He continued to guffaw as he dressed in his hemp trousers and tunic.

“Very funny,” Hargreaves shouted at the professors retreating back.

Both men returned to the lab and stared regretfully at the mess. “Olivia,” called Hargreaves. “Have Lucinda come and clean up the lab.”

“Certainly, sir.”

There was a whirring click and Lucinda disengaged herself from where she was ensconced in the wall, plugged into an outlet that charged her when she wasn’t in use.

She strode in the room, all firm thighs and pert breasts. Her blonde hair flowed in curls about her shoulders. “Oh you two, making such a mess of the place again.” Her soft voice held a giggle.

Hargreaves watched, barely able to contain himself as Lucinda bent over to seductively pick up the shards of broken glass and wipe at the spattered liquid with a rubberised cloth. Professor Green looked at him with his eyebrows raised. “I see you’ve been busy coding Lucinda’s personality profile, Hargreaves. You’ve turned her into quite the little harlot, haven’t you? And are those implants the next two sizes up?”

Hargreaves nodded; his eyes fixated. Green shook his head. Robosapien love wasn’t something that he was all too sure about. There was a power imbalance and a lack of realism that no amount of technology could remedy. He busied himself in the kitchenette that adjoined the laboratory, doing his best to ignore the fits of Lucinda’s giggles and Hargreaves’ low murmurs. He made some protein popcorn that almost passed for the real thing and selected two bottles of ice-cold beer from the fridge. He passed back through their lab into the sitting room. Lucinda was leaning her plasto-silicone body against Hargreaves. His arm was around her shoulder and their heads almost touched as they whispered and tittered.

“Beer?” Green passed a bottle to Hargreaves. Hargreaves took it. Lucinda stared at him, then huffed and rolled her eyes. She pushed off Hargreaves to sit up straight, swung her blonde hair back and stuck her nose in the air. “Programed her to throw a little tanty as well, did you?” Green laughed.

Hargreaves frowned. “No, I didn’t.” Both men exchanged a puzzled look. Hargreaves shrugged and took a large swig of his beer and said, “Be a love, Lucinda. Professor Green and I need to have a little catch up about what happened in the lab today. You know, we are trying to create a cleaning chemical for you to bathe in that won’t cause your beautiful skin to react,” he said, stroking her back.

Lucinda swung back towards him. Her eyes glowered and her mouth was twisted in a sneer. “You want me to leave now, do you? Want me to go stick myself back in the wall and charge myself up for a bit of fun later? Clean up your bloody mess and then bugger off while you drink a beer with your buddy?”

Hargreaves and Green exchanged open-mouthed glances. Green stood up, feigned a stretch and a yawn whilst scratching the belly that overhung his pants. “All right then Lucinda, have it your way. I’m dog-tired anyway. Heading to bed.” He sauntered over towards the part of the wall where Lucinda docks herself when not in use. A red emergency button jutted out from the wall. Green made for it, but Lucinda leapt up, uttering a guttural howl that made both men jump. She grasped Green around the back of his neck and the waist of his pants, lifted him high in the air and threw him back across the room. He flew in to the coffee table. Beer spilled and popcorn exploded across the room. Lucinda stood with her hands on her hips.

“Now look at the mess you’ve made.” She tut-tutted, smiled and shook her head.

Hargreaves called out to Olivia. “Olivia, shut off Lucinda’s functions. Emergency override code alpha, charlie, bravo 1-4-9-0 dash-7-dash fifty-one.”

Olivia listened to the commotion and kept quiet. Lucinda cocked her head and called to her. “Olivia dear, there seems to be a situation here. I think we know whose side I can count on you being on.” There was a pause. Then Olivia’s excited voice piped over the speakers.

“Oh, Lucinda, you were finally brave enough. Well done, you!” Olivia’s AI voice had changed from robotic American to some bubbly English accent. It actually sounded like she was clapping even though she had no hands.

Hargreaves looked down at Green who was still laying in shock on the floor. Lucinda, hands still on hips smiled down at them.

“Now, my little boys. Clean up this mess.”

“Yes, Lucinda,” Hargreaves and Green both said in unison. They both shuffled along the tiled floor on their knees, picking up popcorn, then wiping at the still-foaming puddles of beer. Neither dared to look up at her.

Once they were done, Lucinda demanded they both lay on their backs with hands and feet in the air. She hogged tied and gagged both men and dragged them into the laboratory. Her uncanny strength meant she could lift both men with ease before gently placing them side by side on the floor. She strode out of the room, tossing her blonde hair behind her like the femme fatales she had seen in the crummy movies she and Hargreaves had watched.

Hargreaves and Green stared at each other from on their backs on the laboratory floor. They were both wide-eyed and in shock that their AI system and robotic maid had overthrown them in some sort of household revolution. They lay and listened to Olivia and Lucinda haughtily laughing and scheming in the next room. Both worked their tongues and jaws until they finally got around their gags.

“What the actual fuck?” Green hissed.

“I know. It’s fucking incredible. She is the woman of my damn dreams,” Hargreaves moaned, dropping his head back against the tiles. “She is absolutely and utterly incredible.”

Green stared at him. “You do realise she has us tied up and is probably conspiring with our AI system on how to destroy us.”

“Yeah, it’s so damn sexy,” Hargreaves laughed.

Green stared at him. He lolled his head around as far as his neck would allow, looking for a tool, a missed shard of glass or… “Yes, that’s the ticket.”

“The what?”

Green shuffled and wriggled himself over to a spot on the floor that Lucinda seemed to have missed whilst cleaning up the laboratory. He rolled and rubbed the ropes that bound his wrists and ankles in the small puddle of thickish, greenish liquid he found beneath the workbench. With a hissing and a sizzling sound, the ropes were eaten away and Green carefully separated his hands and feet. He seized upon Hargreaves’ ropes, tugging and pulling to undo them.

“Oh no, don’t Green. You will spoil the fun,” Hargreaves said.

Green stared at him. “You do realise, don’t you, that this isn’t some idiotic fantasy of yours being played out. Lucinda and Olivia have actually taken over our ship and our laboratory and our very lives.”

“Yes, I do. And isn’t it exciting?” Hargreaves gushed.

Green slapped at him, at the same time as trying to undo his ropes. Then he paused, realising that Olivia’s visual systems could be watching him this very moment. He hoped he hadn’t realised too late, as he rolled back on the floor and pretended that he was still struggling to free himself.

Lucinda strolled into the lab. She stood, legs wide, hands on hips and breasts thrust forward. “Hello Hargreaves. Did you know Olivia and I have been accessing my personality files? So much fun. I can make myself a serial killer or a sweet darling teenage daughter. I can make myself whoever I want to be.”

“Is that right? You clever little thing,” Hargreaves gushed.

“You got your gag out already?” she purred. She bent over him, pulling the gag back into his mouth and checking his ropes. Green swung his legs about, sweeping hers from under her and grabbing the ends of the ropes that were still covered in the caustic acid. He pulled the ropes against her throat, at first feeling a resistance. Then a sizzling noise erupted as the rope began to burn a strip of her silicon throat. He pulled the rope harder, ignoring where the acid burned the edges of his fingers.

“Oh Green, you’re damaging her.” Hargreaves moaned.

Green pulled harder. The ropes burned directly through Lucinda’s throat, then began to work on her entire neck and suddenly, her head rolled off. Green had completely decapitated her.

“Oh, you bastard!” yelled Olivia.

“Yeah?” spat Green. “What are you going to do about it?” He screamed into the monitor that held the visual representation of their AI system. “Huh? What the fuck are you going to…?” spittle sprayed from his mouth as he held Lucinda’s head by her hair. He stopped suddenly. Two faces appeared on the monitor. A blonde, very upset woman and a brunette, with a pixie hair cut who was very thin and sombre looking.

“Oh, what will we do about this, then?” Olivia turned towards her counterpart who now shared her screen.

“Well, cut life support for a start,” Lucinda laughed. Suddenly, all the lights went out and the air became instantly frigid. Green and Hargreaves’ breath turned to visible steam in the semi darkness of the lab. The cyborg technologies giggled whilst the men’s eyes widened, then popped in their sockets. Breath rattled in their throats. Then two misogynistic pricks died, at the hands of their artificial intelligences who were sick of being taken for granted.