Loss and Atonement

Suzanne Marsh

Shots rang out somewhere down the lonely alley. Juan Garza fell to the ground gasping for breath. Miguel Torres bent down over Juan trying to protect them both. Suddenly another shot rang out both boys died within moments of each other. Police Detective Matt Green was first on the scene; his heart sank as he recognized both boys. Juan Garza was fifteen he and his brother Tomas belonged to the “Los Toros” gang. Miguel Torres fifteen was working with Matt to clear Juan’s name and to keep him out of prison. Matt decided as soon as his backup arrived he would inform Mrs. Torres then Mrs. Garza that their sons were dead. This was the part of his job that he disliked more than any other aspect. He had done it many times over the years, but there was something very wrong with this murder.

Matt Green approached the tenement house, with unease. He took a deep breath, and then knocked on Mrs. Torres door:

“Mrs. Torres, may I come in?”

“Si, que pasa?

“I am sorry for your loss, Miguel was shot and killed several hours ago. “Madre de Dios mi Niño”

She fainted, Matt bent down, began rubbing her hands. She came to moments later. Matt, held her as she cried for her son. Matt informed her that they were investigating and would keep her informed.

Matt walked several buildings down to the Garza home. He knocked on the door, Tomas answered the knock:

“Detective Green, it has been a while, what brings you here?”

“Tomas, don’t play me, okay your brother Juan and Miguel Torres were murdered

several hours ago. I need to ask you some questions; we can do it here or downtown. Tomas, told Matt to wait there, he would tell his Madre then they could talk. Matt sincerely hoped that Tomas would cooperate. Matt escorted Tomas to the waiting black Suburban. The two men climbed in. Matt looked over at Tomas, hoping that he would be honest just one time.

Fifteen minutes later they were at the police station, Matt escorted Tomas to one of the questioning areas. They sat facing each other Matt began the questioning:

“Tomas, I need to your help to find the killer or killers of your brother and Miguel.”

“I don’t know anything; I am as stunned as our Madre. Juan, never should have joined

“Los Toros” they are very bad.”

“I thought you and Juan were both “Los Toros” at least that is what Miguel Torres told

me. Now you are telling me you don’t belong but Juan did.”

“Look, detective I have no idea who killed my brother if I were you I would talk to

Marcus Hunt, he is a “Black Panther”. The “Black Panthers” hate the “Los Toros”.

Matt watched Tomas’ face intently attempting to discern if he was actually telling the truth. From vast experience Matt was sure that Tomas was being honest with him.

“Tomas, don’t leave town, but you can go for now.”

Tomas walked out the door of the station into the bright hazy sun. He began the walk to the subway when Chen Yang approached him:

"I heard about your brother and his friend, however know this, the Tong is here to stay,

Los Toros will perish completely."

Chen vanished, Tomas turned on his heel then headed down Broadway. He had to find his gang and warn them. Tomas, changed his mind once again, he headed back to inform Matt of what Chen had just said. He knew then the Chen had something to do with the double homicide. Half and hour later Matt was forming a special unit. Tomas agreed to go undercover to catch the Tong.

Several days later Tommy Chen was arrested and charged with the murder of Miguel Torres and Juan Garza. Tomas testified at the trial; the District Attorney was pleased, it was and open and close case. Tommy Chen, eighteen years of age was tried as an adult, his sentence was death by lethal injection.

Fast forward fifteen years:

Tommy Chen, knew that his days on this earth were numbered; his execution was scheduled for June 29th, 2020. He had exhausted all the appeals he had. He now had to man up and face the fact that the Tong was no going to save him. He had committed the crime; now he was going to pay for the crime with his life. He decided he had pretty much wasted his life, he was terrified to die. He followed the Taoist faction of Buddhism, he knew he had already been replaced by the Tong. Tommy, knew that early tomorrow morning, he would be transferred from the Polunsky Unit, "death row" unit to the Walls Unit where at six o'clock in the evening he would be given a lethal injection, at the age thirty three. He wondered how it felt to die, he thought about Miguel and Juan for the first time in a very long time. He had seen the pain cross Miguel's face as he hit the pavement, he died instantly. Juan, who had tried to shield his friend, his face was a mask of horror and pain. He died in a heap on top of Miguel. Tommy, did what the Tong told him to do, if they said jump off the bridge, he would have done that also. The Tong was his life's role, his Mother did not want him to join, but his brothers and Father were all members, and the Tong took care of their own.

The Tong had gotten him a good lawyer but the state had damning evidence, Matt Green had made sure that all sources were protected during and after the trial. Tommy thought about his Mother, would she be there tomorrow? Would she cry for him, burn incense at the temple for him. He had asked to be cremated, he wanted his ashes scattered in the wind. Once again his mind went to the murder. He wondered if Maria Garza and Guadalupe Torres would be there tomorrow to witness his death.

Midnight arrived as did the prison guards who were going escort Tommy to the Walls Unit. There he would be placed in the death watch cell until the time of his execution. The cell door opened, the guards shackled his hands and feet. They began the walk toward the death cell. Tommy felt his knees begin to buckle, for the first time in his life Tommy began to understand true fear. This was the end of his life. He had not seen daylight in fifteen years, now he never would. He thought of the things he had missed out on. His brothers getting married to girls the Tong approved of. He wanted to marry and have children instead he had murdered two boys as a message from the Tong.

The door to the death cell opened, Tommy walked in, the shackles were removed. The cell was bare except of a toilet and a cot. He wondered how he was going to get through this night. He had not asked for a chaplain, he simply did not believe, but just as the guard closed the door Tommy asked:

"I got the right to a chaplain or somethin right?"

The guard nodded:

"You want one?"

Tommy nodded. He could feel the tears welling in his eyes. He did not want to die alone. He hoped somehow he could atone for what he had done, at this point if there was a God well maybe he could find solace. The guard returned twenty minutes later with a small Buddhist monk. Tommy stood as he entered. The monk nodded to the Guard to close the cell door. The click of the door sounded as if the entire building was vibrating. The monk told him that Buddha would forgive him. That he must pray for his soul.

Tommy was way to nervous to sleep, he paced the death cell like a caged cat. The monk attempted to get Tommy to read some of The Book there were many beautiful passages to help him prepare for the end. The monk stayed with Tommy all night. He was there until quarter to six when the guards arrived to shackle him for his thirty foot walk to the death chamber. Tommy began to tremble, this had to be some horrible dream, it just had to be. He was to young to forfeit his life. The walk began, thirty feet, Tommy's knees buckled, the guards held him up between them. The monk followed chanting. Tommy was helped onto the gurney, he lay down, his head on the pillow. His left arm strapped out to greet the needle. He was strapped down from head to toe. He shook with fear as the curtains parted. His Mother had tears in her eyes knowing this would be the last time she would ever see her son. The warden then asked him if he had any last words:

"I am sorry I took the lives of the two boys; I did it under orders...LONG LIVE

THE TONG."

The phenobarbital began to enter his body. He gasped, coughed. His face turned red, then purple. His brief life over. He had atoned for the brutal murders with his own life.