My Mother's Funeral

This funeral home had been in our family for generations. The green and white striped awning over the front entrance had recently been replaced, and the scalloped edges flapped as the cold wind blew as it had for weeks. There was a storm brewing, and you could smell the rain. People in this sleepy little town had been talking of nothing but the storm for weeks. Flooding was always a concern for us. After all, the most fertile farmlands are along the river, and our community was nothing if not a farming community. The chatter about the weather stopped suddenly, and none of that mattered now. A well-loved community member had lost her hard-fought battle, and her death was all anyone could talk about now. Today there would be a funeral, and although many friends’ and family members’ funerals had been held in this funeral home, this time it’s different. This time it’s my mother’s funeral.

Walking up the sidewalk toward the front entrance of the funeral home, I see my sister, Vivian, and our cousin, Ken, waiting for me. I’m not sure if they have just arrived, or if they’ve been here finishing up the final details. Ken, my mother’s sister’s son, is currently the funeral director, so it makes sense he was here early. My sister, Vivian, seems to be spending a lot of time with Ken. I’m sure they have been working hard to finalize the details of mom’s celebration of life. Either that or they’re getting high together. Vivian has always had low self-esteem and needs to feel affirmed often. Smoking pot with others helps her feel better, so she smokes pot, a lot. Understandably, since mom’s death, she has been smoking even more, and now, Ken seems to be “helping” her. After mom’s funeral is over, that’s one more family issue I’ll have to take care of. Sometimes being the responsible one in the family feels heavy, but no thinking about that today. Today was all about my mom.

Viv was dressed in a way too casual pair of slacks and a matching sweater. Her long red hair was crazy looking, with her corkscrew curls reaching out around her, like an octopus looking for its next meal. Good lord, couldn’t she have gotten it together for one day? Why did she have to embarrass me like this? Then I remembered, mom would have loved this. The canary yellow color of Viv’s outfit was just the level of brightness mom would have laughed at. Enough, remember this is about mom.

As I hugged my sister, I noticed Vivian smelled, as usual, like pot and patchouli. The woodsy earthy scent of the patchouli barely masked the skunky scent of the marijuana, but everyone who knew Viv was so used to this scent, it was considered Viv’s “normal” smell. Pulling back from the hug I was surprised to see that Viv’s eyes were red, but not like mine. Had she been crying, or was that just an after effect of the joint she probably just smoked. As I turned to hug Kenny, I knew immediately that neither of them had been crying, but their eyes were both bloodshot. Good ole Kenny, always coming to my sister’s rescue if my mom couldn’t. Now that mom was gone, it looked as if Kenny would be shouldering even more of that responsibility. Again, I can’t think about that today. It’s mom’s day..

Mom had been planning this funeral for the past two years, ten months, and fourteen days, since the day she was diagnosed. She also made sure her ducks were in a row, updating her will, making sure her life insurance policy was up to date, and doing all the other estate planning she could. Much of her time was also spent planning this fantastical funeral. If she had to die young, the least she could do was to go out in style. She was adamant, however, that no financial burden came to Vivian or me. My mother was not only larger than life, but she was wise, too. I wasn’t worried about any financial burden, as I had been the “good” daughter, going to college and getting a lucrative career. Viv, however, always has needed a little more help. College wasn’t for her, and through a string of misfortune events, college was not an option for Vivian, and working at the family funeral home certainly wasn’t going to support her. As those negative thoughts ran through my head, I once again pushed them aside. Today we would celebrate one of the best people on Earth, mom.

Mom insisted on an open casket, but then to be cremated after the service. She also wanted a big celebration of life immediately following the service, complete with fireworks. That was my wonderful, silly mom - go big or go home. She spared no expense, and I’m pretty sure the whole town showed up. The three of us made our way back into the parlor of the funeral home and assumed our positions as the place filled up quickly. It brought a smile to my face seeing how colorful and fun the mourners dressed. Viv fit right in with her coordinated buttercup outfit. Mom would have loved it!

I had been asked by Ken to not view mom until the service. He wanted me to see her looking beautiful and at peace. He had also made arrangements for Vivian and I to be the first two to see her at the beginning of the service. Now was the time.

As my sister and I made our way down to the casket, I noticed something was wrong - Mom’s hair wasn’t quite right, and her makeup was way overdone (think Mimi from the Drew Carey Show). I turned to my sister and pointed these oddities out. My sister, as usual, was stoned out of her gourd. Since mom’s death, she’s been high, it seems, 24/7. She told me that mom looked beautiful and that I was just being emotional. There was some truth to her statement. Mom did look beautiful, and I did have tears in my eyes. I dried my tears and moved aside to let the mourners come to say their goodbyes. I knew mom was well-loved, but I never expected this many people to come to the funeral, but here they were.

The funeral was the spectacular spectacle mom had wanted. Many mourners, as they were filing past us, commented on how lovely mom looked. Some even commented on the shade of blue of mom’s blouse and eye shadow. A few even mentioned the shade of blue matched the little flowers on the forest green wallpaper. No one mentioned the strange hair and makeup. Apparently, my sister was right. I was being emotional, and my imagination was on overdrive. Maybe I had a contact high. Whatever it was, by the end of the funeral I focused on the outpouring of love shown by her friends. The not quite right style of her hair and crazy eye makeup became a distant thought. It was time to have some fun and celebrate my mom.

When the last of the funeral visitors left, my sister and I had a few moments alone with mom. As my cousin currently ran the funeral home, we were allowed to escort mom to the basement. We even watched Ken close the casket. That was when I expected the floodgates to open and for me to finally be able to grieve my mother. Always the doer of the family, I’d been so busy making sure everyone else was ok, I hadn’t had time to cry properly yet. Sure enough, just as the casket closed, I burst into tears, and Vivian began to hysterically laugh. She and Ken high-fived each other as I lost my freaking mind! What was going on? It was at that moment my mother, in the same blue blouse, walked out from behind the pile of caskets.

When I came to, I was in the apartment above the funeral home where Ken lived. As I slowly got my bearings, I couldn’t understand what had just happened. I had to find Vivian and Ken and find out. I slowly began to walk towards the stairs leading back down to the parlor, when I saw the note. It was propped on the beautifully polished newel post.

Dear Dawn,

You know I love you, but you don’t need me. Your sister

absolutely needs me, and as the sole beneficiary of my life

insurance policy, she will have me, and whatever else she

may ever desire.

Love, Mom

I never saw any of them again, and that brought me joy.