The Mission

Well? So? How was it? Was it all you thought it would be and more, hmmmm?

Ahhh. Yeah, well, let me just say, ummm, it was nothing I could ever imagine. It was, it was, uhh…I don’t think there’s a word for what it was.

Really? Hahahaha…Details, please. Don’t do that thing you do. Just get to the point. I need to know what I missed. Hah! - I didn’t last more than a couple of years myself so there’s not much I remember and not sure if I am ready to try again.

Yeah, well. That was my goal, to not have to return. After the first few years I tried to come back home by taking the immediate route.

That good, huh?

It’s. Umm, it’s something you can only experience. If totally experienced, I mean going all in and learning every lesson, it’s a one time only trip. I don’t think anyone has done it in one trip. It usually takes several. This is my last and I’ve been working on the reports since I returned. There are some experiences that’s kind of hard to put in words.

OK, ok. I see. Well, come on, do your best. I waited a lifetime to hear of your adventures with this miraculous special mission!

Ha! Miraculous? Listen, I can’t give you the intricate details yet. The particulars will be in the final reports I give to the Elders.

Okkkkkkkk! I get it! Just give me something! A tidbit, a teeny tiny snip. Something.

Sorry, I know how impatient you are. OK. Let me start at the beginning.

Where else? Still waiting.

When we were outside the courts waiting to be assigned our missions, I ear hustled the conversation between a few of the Elders. They were discussing this, this mission and tossing around how tough it was going to be. I got all caught up in the intrigue, and I intruded. Well, not just a little intrusion. I jumped right in the middle as if I were invited and volunteered to be the ambassador of this mission. They seemed to be having a tough time and I thought it was something I could do.

Whaaaaaa??? Wow. You broke a cardinal code. You interrupted. Hahaha. So they gave you a bum mission?

Nah, nothing like that. But there, there was this unbearable pull, an overwhelming desire to do be a part this…this mission. I can’t explain it. It felt, it felt. I don’t know, like it was mine. Like I was supposed to do this. Crazy thing is later on I found out I was designed for this.

Really?! Did the Elders tell you that?

Nah, I figured it out much later. It was a set up. I didn’t care, I really wanted the the opportunity. I learned the whole reason for us being on Earth is for us to remember who we are, here! It’s a dark spiral. A weird twisted game. We get there with complete awareness of our purpose - then it’s erased! That’s when the lights go out. Layers of human thinking starts attaching itself to the real you. Like, like a covering. Then it was…I was, I uh, I, I started morphing into this, this picture. You become uh, I became this, this idea! This idea that was not really me but a picture from the drawings I saw in the humans mind of what I should be, or supposed to be. I mean, I could see how they needed me to act, the kind of responses or reactions they looked for from me to be comfortable with themselves or to accept me. A really confusing position. I, I had to constantly alter my being-ness to fit in or to feel as if I belonged. But then, I got lost in the picture. I thought I was it! The picture, the idea. I got lost in the sauce. I forgot who I was.

Whoa! So how did you remember? It’s obvious you remembered ‘cause you’re here.

But how? How’d you do it?

Ahhhh, to give you a true explanation of the difficulty of removing the picture once it’s accepted as being real, is what’s prolonging the reports. It was really tough, just as the Elders warned me when I haphazardly volunteered. There was no way for me to know that every time I accepted this idea of who I was supposed to be, or became the picture that others wanted to see me as, that I would cover more and more of the truth of me. I tried to fit in every role I played. I, I, I learned how to be the kid my mom accepted which was different from what dad needed and opposite of what my siblings appeared to be. Then, I had to learn how to be the idea or the picture of a good student, a neighbor, a friend, a co-worker, a boss..there were so many different masks I had to wear! I got confused about the mission. I forgot why I came…I started melding…becoming more dense.

I noticed you said a good student, neighbor, friend… as opposed to a bad one?

Yeah! That’s a whole other story! Everyone has a different idea of what good is, and humans expect each other to transform to their own definition. So! If I am the definition of the perfect student I could possibly not be the best definition of the perfect child, depending upon who is doing the defining. I…I found myself twisting emotions, uh bending, contorting, um changing identities to fit in. And, fitting in had a direct correlation to the effectiveness of the mission. The excruciating deal is, once I became what they said or what they inferred; by the way, don’t let me forget to tell you about how that’s done after I finish the reports, the inferring part; they wanted something else. They wanted something else! Trying to navigate the fickleness of the thoughts compiled with the erratic actions was…was…was exhausting!

OK. Let me get this, what they say is not what they feel or how they act?

Right! But even that is not as simple as it sounds. They say things in a way to get you to react or respond in a way that almost guarantees it’s in their favor. Because they feel some sort of way about you they have to change the hierarchy of the relationship. Usually using something, some knowledge they have about you. I had to listen carefully to how they said things to not get caught in some crazy traps. You want an example?

Please!

Ha ha. Ok, let’s say they say they are in need of extra cash to um, let’s say pay a bill.

Yeah? I hear that’s a part of the way they exchange goods and services.

Right! But sometimes they have ulterior motives or they’ve squandered their resources on unnecessary things so they are without. They attempt to ask you in a way that will guarantee a favorable outcome without having to humble themselves and divulge they were irresponsible with what they were given. There’s this, this subset of humanity, and for some reason they have adverse reactions to not having the things they want or even think they need. I’ve seen them use reckless ways to get things, but the most diabolical is using people against themselves.

Huh?

Right! That’s what I’m saying. Unthinkable! Right?

Wait you didn’t say anything, how do they use the person against themselves?

Oh, sorry, I thought you picked up on the other part telepathically. This, is what I’m saying. They misuse this gift of being able to sense a persons goodness, a persons heart. They study and prey on them and then use their own heart against them. So, they ask for a gift or service in a way that it appears the giver is providing an honorable service to them by digging in their own lint filled pockets to give their poor friend of family member much needed assistance.

I still don’t get it. It is an honorable thing to give assistance if you have it.

Yes! It is. But, only if the gift originates from the heart of the source. In this case the request was made after careful study of the target. I happen to be the target. This particular entity knew I always operated from my highest intention, so they anticipated the correct response by appealing to my sense of love, and unbeknownst to them, duty. The requests were sometimes spoken in a innocent, childlike manner. Like a kid would ask mommy to spend the night at a friends house after daddy said no. Almost heartbreaking, using the soft exasperated voice; uh, uh, I need a little help with the bills this month..an adult acting like a child, using feigned innocence!

I still don’t get it. Maybe they were shy, timid, quiet spoken.

Easy mistake most novices make. My job was to unveil the cloak used to keep this type of deception going. And, this particular individual has been using this same tactic for many life times. The special mission was to take this clever manipulator down, and all they were tied to. They had no idea who I was or what was the true purpose of my placement in their life. They actually thought they planned the whole scheme. There were many that thought they were the most clever of them all! Ha!

How did you find them?

The ones I was scheduled to jolt were put on my journey. Family. Marriage. Certain vocations. Something pre-planned.

Ahhh, the plot thickens. The Elders already knew these meetings were going to occur.

Yes! Exactly. Some of the humans corrected their course after we spent some time together. Others, sorry to say no matter what I did, are in a worse position than when I arrived.

Well, that doesn’t sound like a good report to hand in!

On the contrary. Actually, it was the Elders that urged me to chalk it up. They saw the stubbornness; the hardness that developed over time. Nothing I could have tried would have made a difference. Those are the ones that are completely aware of the responsibility and accountability they need to accept to be a human, but refuse to. Most have sold their rights to the limited realm. It happens. They get a little too comfortable in doing nothing. Which is completely an option.

True! Everything’s an option.

Yeah. The words they use are used more as a magic wand to manipulate. Mostly to keep each other from making any internal adjustments. You know, find out who they really are. This is where I come in. This was part of my mission. I’m placed to strategically shine a light on their disillusions. I must say, I’m pretty good at it.

Ahhh. So you were the monster, the villain?

You got it! And, at the same time provide unconditional love we experience here, so they have options. Almost an impossible task! I see why the Elders were having a hard time fulfilling this mission. Those given to me really didn’t want the highest form of love. They applied for assistance but they really didn’t want to do the required work. They wanted to feel better about where they were. They never wanted to change or grow beyond their limited imagination. Holding up a mirror found me on the receiving end of some pretty brutal retaliation.

Retaliation? Physical?!

Yeah. Sometimes. I think the excruciating pain of realizing they were behaving in ways that did not reflect who they thought they were was too much for them to handle. They are very creative in finding ways to cover or dull the pain so they don’t feel it, including physical harm. It becomes an automatic reaction, which makes it harder to help them.

Whew! So you got punched a lot? Hahaha…sorry, not funny. I think I’m beginning to understand this special mission. You intervened to assist those charged to you to have a better experience on Earth, thereby clearing up the path for those that will come after.

You got it! But no one could know who I was. None of them including the parental units I was assigned to knew who I was…at least that’s what I thought at first.

Another twist? Geesh.

That’s what I’m saying! We have to go through these insane obstacle courses. We become human to better assist and to discover our own limitlessness and at the same time give those that are stuck an opportunity to become unstuck! It’s the most exhausting, exasperating, painful, beautiful, devastatingly wonderful whirlwind ever! You think you’re doing one thing based upon limited understanding, but once you pass the repeated tests, you realize it was for something totally different. It’s a riddle. You repeat the same or similar event, usually it’s something you and your counterpart are stuck on from previous incarnations, which can be two different things! Several times I had to work out abandonment issues while my counterpart needed to work on their compassion and empathy. If we both failed we got to repeat the process. Sometimes together, sometimes with a different human. Oftentimes we have to let go of the mission altogether, especially if it gets to retaliation or abuse. This is where the mission was the toughest. This was the most painful part.

See, I knew being human was confusing. Soooo glad I had a real short visit. I guess the vessel I had was too fragile to last past two years.

You served your purpose. Did you ever figure out what that purpose was? Or can you tell me?

Oh, yeah. There was a family that required a shake up to get them back in the swing of things. They totally stopped communicating. I had the dubious task of destroying their human dreams and at the same time assisting them in creating their deepest desires.

They put you in charge of something as delicate as the love of a child between a woman and man? Wow, bet that was fun for you but hell for them.

Hahahaha….Best two years of their life. They got both extremes as they requested. They wanted this unbelievable expression of joy but needed to understand there can be a devastating opposite emotion. With my appearance and untimely departure, they were able to fully appreciate true joy.

Wow! What happened?

Nope! You’re not getting away that easy. Let’s finish the special mission.

Hehe, yeah well anyway. So, this mission was completing a puzzle, a puzzle that started long before I incarnated. I was chosen because of my special set of skills. It seems I have the ability to be emotionally torn into shreds and miraculously repair myself creating a better version. I was sent or chosen because I could withstand the harsh environments of emotionally abusive humans. I carried a special tool that helped me tremendously. I could hear their thoughts and intentions. Something they were totally unaware of.

Yikes! You could hear their thoughts? Was it scary? Intriguing? Risque…hehehe?

I can’t think of anything worse than being pulled apart from yourself. To hear and assimilate this utter darkness in contrast…uhhh…although I am very grateful, the ability saved me on multiple occasions. These were some of the worst times of existing. These were the times I begged to be delivered from the agony of physicality, the suffocation of existing under the weight of the necessary experiences, the mission. The thoughts they entertain are so far away from the truth.

Ohhh, wow. Sorry. Sorry. Is it hard to talk about?

It’s not hard to talk about, it’s hard to put into words. To be thrust in a place within yourself that is so opposite of who you are, to be cut off from the truth or the truth be obscured or manipulated…well, let’s just say it’s a kind of loneliness that as a human is usually filled with the many mindless distractions offered. There are many, many opportunities to separate yourself and be content in that separation. But as an angel there was no such satisfaction. The only satisfaction is completing the mission.

So, not a good experience huh?

On the contrary!

Don’t get it. You just took me on this emotional ride through the depth of your pain and…

And, it was the most extreme punishment I can think of. But the joy of coming through it is just as deep, and beautiful and exhausting. The two opposites. There’s no way I can accurately explain to the Elders the experience without having both sides. Just like the family you served for a couple of years.

I can see that.

There was no way I could understand the all encompassing feeling of completeness within myself if I hadn’t experienced being outside of myself. If I had no idea the vastness of the void I wouldn’t have known the limitlessness of the feeling of expansiveness. To know…to experience the totality of both is such an awesome experience…they gave me a gift by allowing me to volunteer! If I could find the words to …

Slow down…

Sorry. Not sorry. There is so much I want to say. I have to get this report done so we have a road map for the humans.

You have a map?

Yes! They need it. They have no idea that they have trapped themselves in this vicious cycle. The same mistakes are repeated over and over again until they finally get the lesson. Most don’t. I understand it because I was there. I repeated the same relationships in different forms, the same thought patterns in different situations. I was trapped for decades. But! All it took was that one time. That one monstrosity. The betrayal of not only humanity but of all there is. I’ll cover that in the reports.