A Detail Away

The typical sound of lockers shutting and students slowly making their way to class. There was a slight hesitation in the air, I knew that many of us had exams happening but air painted in a suffocating gas was overkill. These days I’m mostly alone, my best friend, Piper, seemed to be missing in the world of education and instead fostering her love of solitude at home. Sighing, I picked up my books, following the mob of students , I headed to class. Some days I wondered what Piper was up to, she seemed to be upset about one thing or another all the time - sometimes I tried to help her, comfort her - really anything I could do, but she always shut me down with an edge in her voice I couldn’t quite place. It was a bit upsetting really - that she would shut me down so quickly and frankly, barely ever spoke to me anymore. She’s basically been my sister ever since we were 6 years old - we met in Kindergarten and haven’t separated since, back then, we were an unstoppable ball of sunshine that nothing could bring down and now, a duo that would do everything together, a set of fraternal twins that that would have the same interests and hobbies - going over to each other's houses at spontaneous times and always being welcomed in. Fast forward to now, these days, it seemed that Piper had become the moon - gloomy and never being wholly herself. I still love her, despite that. She’s a good person, and an irreplaceable friend too. If I ever lost her I would - well I don’t know what I would do. If I lost her I don’t think I would ever be okay. Even though she is the moon, I could be the sun - we need each other. As my thoughts slowly whirled into a galaxy full of doubt, the distinct turning of pages pulled me out as if it were a life jacket and I were downing in an ocean. I quickly picked up my book, a copy of “Of Mice and Men” and promptly flicked to the page displayed on the board.

The rest of the lesson passed in a blur and so did the next. As the familiar sound of chatter erupted from the halls, I prepared my books and laptop for the classes after recess and grabbed my food. People often don’t spare me a glance while I sit alone, in a tucked away corner of the courtyard, they’re focused on talking to their friends, or heading to the canteen before the line is ridiculous, either way they don’t seem to notice me. All this time sitting alone has made me start to notice things, like the way Clarrise plays with her jewellery whenever she’s upset, or how Anna likes to organise every bit about herself before she walks the halls, or how Emily always forgets her drink bottle and has to go back to her locker. When I look at other people I feel less alone, I would hate to admit this but I’m so lonely, there's not a single second that passes in which I don’t feel like a singular audience member watching a stage of a play I was never invited to. “Hey Mia!” A cheerful voice cut through the crowd. Piper bounded out from around the corner, equipped with a smile that seemed to stretch to the sides of her face and a voice that was almost unrecognisable with joy. I greeted her with the same enthusiasm, something I haven’t done in months as I was always the one with the happy attitude.

“So, what’s got you so happy?” I teased, and for a second, for the slightest second, there was someone else who replaced Piper, someone with dark, hollow eyes with a smile that turned cold, but it disappeared as quick as it came.

“Oh you know…I’ve finally figured things out.” She replied, mocking the same teasing tone I once adorned. We chat for the entirety of recess, recounting past days and talking about places we should go to one day. It felt like the old days, the days where neither of us could shut up.

“You know what? We could totally go to the -” A shrill bell cut Piper off and I sighed. We said our goodbyes and headed off to class. It felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, I didn’t realise how much I missed her. In all honesty, I only felt as though I missed the idea of her. She was reduced to an incoherent mess most of the time, quiet and subdued. Now, she seemed as though something had clicked, something that has brought all the energy and light back into her soul - I almost don’t believe it, maybe if I pinched myself I would wake up from a dream.

Lunch finally rolled around and I was almost bursting from the seams to go back to our lunch spot and talk as if there hadn’t been two hours interrupting us. Before I even got there, Piper was already sitting down playing with her hair that shone brown in the sunlight. “Hey!” I exclaimed, she smiled and greeted me back.

“Oh my gosh, you’ll never believe it!” She started, the time flew by as she spoke, the world seemed to stop and for a moment it was just the two of us, laughing and sitting and talking and sometimes bursting out into song together. She was so happy. I could feel her brightness crawling inside me and igniting a flame that sparked cheer into my whole body.

“Oh! By the way - you know the Jellycat you really love? Do you want mine? I’m kind of sick of it - you can have all my Jellycats actually.” She rambled.

“Wait really?! I would love you - are you sure though?” I asked back, she replied with a dismissive remark and continued to bounce off the walls bombarding me with possessions she owns. Each time she asked me about an item, a wave calmness washed over her.

“I kind of feel like… I’ve found peace now, you know?” I loved how she always says, “you know” as if I knew the answer.

“Oh really, that’s really good for you Pipes, I’m glad. These past few years have been hard on both of us, I guess. I’m always here if you need me, you know that right?” I replied, slightly cringing at how genuine I sounded, ruining the playful banter we had going on. I glanced at her for reassurance, whether it was for me or her - I don’t know. But for a second, a split second, I once again saw all the sparkle leaving her eyes and the warmth around her grow cold like a blast of icy air. I was worried that she would get upset, asking me why I always turn to these topics - assuming that she wasn’t okay. Instead, she stopped, took a breath and recollected her smile - however there was a haunting in her eyes that didn’t seem to leave.

“I know, I love you Mi.” She said genuinely, sticking her hand out for me to hold - just as I’ve always done, tracing her palms as she picked up the conversation again.

By the end of the day I felt a calm air around me, like I had achieved all that I needed and was now completely content with the life I was leading. As the days passed by, I only remembered the good parts, as if it were a TV show and the classes were the boring cut out parts. Life was going good. Piper texted me each day, we called and we chatted like we had never before.

Everything was perfect. We helped each other on our assignments (although I knew Piper wasn’t doing her for some reason, I let it slide regardless) and it was like we had reunited, the sun and the stars - shining and bright for eternity. Each day seemed like a gift that was given to the wrong person, someone who didn’t work for it at all - but I loved it. Treasuring every day and every second with Piper, as if I had only met her this week.

Late at night on the weekend, around 1 am because I could not set the book down, a phone pulled me out of the world I had put myself into. I was lulling in the calm before the storm. It was from Piper, which was normal - we often stayed up at night together. It read, “Mia, thank you.” I paused, I wasn’t sure I had done anything to be thankful for, “Does knowing me more make you love me less?” Dread pooled at the pit of my stomach.

“Nothing, no words nor riches could ever describe my love for you. You are something so precious that no one should ever be able to taint, touched by King Midas himself. I love you. But I can no longer spend my time in a world that has never been kind to me - all except for you. So thank you.”

Biting my lip, I continued reading, although scrolling down seemed to be impossible from the shaking in my hands. I was so incredibly scared. My eyes stopped working and blurred out of focus.

“I made this decision 2 weeks ago.” 2 weeks ago. The start of the bliss of friendship. The pieces fell into place - I couldn’t bring myself to assume. “I’m weak, no strength that I’ve unconsciously taken from your stride could help me. I’m sorry. I love you. Maybe we’ll meet again one day, in another life. Don’t waste your time texting - I’m already gone. Sorry again.” ended the text. The heart that was beating out of my chest less than a second ago stopped. My hands betrayed me as I tried to type out a message to beg her to stay. It was as if my fingers were paralysed, stuck in the cold and surrendering to an impossible hypothermia. I could feel my eyes glossing over. All the time I spent with her - all the time I’ve spent analysing every person's little movements in spite of myself - I noticed nothing. The very hobby that I used to be devoted to in order to pass time - it meant nothing. It was nothing. Piper was gone. My best friend was gone. Nothing in her change of mood was a coincidence. It was a terrifying warning of the end of the line. The teddy bear she had recently given me stared back at me. Darkness burning up its once adorable eyes and sharp spikes becoming the exterior rather than a fluffy, lovable fur. I couldn’t believe it. If only I had noticed - used that darned ability of noticing. The ability that failed me when I needed it the most.