Blinded

An angel in a flowing white dress. Her lips were the color of the roses she carried, her dark hair shone against the white fabric, her slender arm covered his own as he embraced her. What the hell happened to her?

Chris looked up from his wedding photo to his wife now. What happened to Lisa? He knew she wouldn’t be wearing a wedding dress every day, but some sweats and a stained tank top? Her rosy lips looked wilted now, dry and colorless. Her beautiful dark hair was shoved into some sloppy bun on top of her head, glints of gray shining here and there. Her once slender arms had practically doubled in size. He was sure the Doritos she was munching on now were part of the reason.

She glanced up and noticed him staring. She smiled and puckered her lips to blow him a kiss. He almost shuddered at the idea of that nacho cheese-stained kiss coming anywhere near him, but he forced a smile. She went back to her shows. God, what had happened? That sweet, beautiful girl he fell in love with was gone. How could she just let herself go like that? 

He went back to their bedroom and started taking his suit off, he didn’t feel like being around her right now. He glanced at their dresser. Baggy shirts and bulky sweatpants spilled over the edge of the drawers. Did she even own anything that wasn’t a size XL anymore? He remembered the little summer dresses she would wear in college, the way they clung to her body so nicely he couldn’t stop staring. Now he could barely look at her. 

When was the last time she even tried to impress him? When was the last time she put on a beautiful dress or some lacy underwear? Hell, he’d take a smear of lipstick at this point. He glanced over at their nightstand, another wedding photo sat there.

She thought it was a touching gesture, but his intentions weren’t so pure. He needed to see the beautiful woman he once loved, to remember the snowy white stockings and corset she wore on their honeymoon. The truth was he needed that photo just so he could stomach touching her, he couldn’t get it up otherwise. 

His eyes met the eyes of the bride in the photo. His young, beautiful Lisa. Always laughing, always smiling, always there to greet him with a kiss, always flawless. Chris didn’t know exactly when he started to notice she had changed. It started out as a small observation here or there. “Has she gained a little weight?” or “Did she put on Chapstick today?” Eventually, they started to pile up into the walking mess she was now. He wished he’d said something when the issues were still small, maybe he could have fixed them, but it was too late now. For her to fix herself now she’d pretty much need to start over from scratch.

He heard a thudding from down the hall. It was practically like living with Godzilla. She entered the room and smiled as she saw him on the bed.

“Hey, Honey,” she said cheerfully. “How was work today?”

“Same old, same old,” he replied shrugging.

She sat on the edge of the bed. He felt the mattress dipping underneath her weight. How much did she weigh now exactly? She leaned over and kissed his cheek. At least she had wiped her mouth before coming to bed.

“What are you doing here all by yourself?” She asked. “I think Netflix updated that home improvement show we like.”

Did they have any wife improvement shows? He forced a smile.

“I was just laying down, looking at our old wedding photo,” he said, nodding towards the picture.

She picked it up to look at it. He almost felt angry seeing her pudgy hands anywhere near his beautiful bride. She smiled softly.

“Hard to believe it’s already been twenty years,” she sighed longingly. “Goodness, you were so handsome then.”

“What? Am I not handsome now?”

He said it in a teasing tone, but he felt a little offended. Who was she to judge his appearance the way she let herself go? She chuckled a bit.

“You’re always handsome, Honey. Just in a different way now,” she said, smiling at him.

“Different how?” He asked curtly.

She thought about it. “Well, when you were younger you had the body of an athlete. All that football training gave you some killer abs and muscles to drool over. Now you have more of the… ‘dad bod.’ That’s what kids say now, right?” He nodded vaguely. “And of course your hair was fuller then. I’d say you still have a good amount but nowhere near what you had before.” 

She stared down at the photo longingly. She reached her hand up to touch her full cheek. She let out a small sigh.

“I guess we’re just getting old,” she said sadly. “Well, the past is the past. We only have the future ahead of us. Anyway, I’ll go finish dinner.”

She stood up and walked out of the room. He grabbed the photo and looked at it. Jeez, why was she being so judgemental? Of course, some things will change as you get older, that just happens. He wasn’t that different though. Was he?

He walked to the bathroom with the photo. He looked at himself in the mirror. His jaw dropped a bit. God, who was this old geezer?

The man in the picture really was an athlete. Tall, solid, and strong. The man in the mirror was hunched over, a small gut bulging over his belt. Like Lisa said, the man in the photo had a head full of luscious, wavy hair. The man in the mirror? “A good amount,” she'd said. He was practically bald! 

Chris shook his head in disgust and walked back to the room. He set the photo back on the nightstand. How could she stand looking at him now knowing what he used to be? She came back at that moment.

“Dinner’s ready, Honey,” she said sweetly.

He glanced up at her. He thought about the way he’d been thinking about her recently. Did she think about him that way too? That idea hurt a little.

“Lisa, be honest, what do you think about me?” He asked.

“What do you mean, Honey?”

He sighed. “Well, you said yourself, I’m not the man from this picture. So what do you think about me now, knowing what I used to be? Do you ever get disgusted when you compare the two?”

She laughed. “God, of course not! Is that why you’ve been mopey lately? Oh, Chris. I love you just as much today as I did on that day. Even more in fact. You're still gentle, still ambitious, still loving. I guess, in my eyes, you are still that same young man from the picture. Love is blind after all. Now, stop thinking nonsense and come eat dinner.”

She chuckled again as she walked back to the dining room. He sat there a moment. Love is blind, huh? He thought back to those first days of marriage. Had she really changed so much? She still had that same bubbly laugh, the same positive outlook on life, the same loving heart.

No, Lisa hadn’t changed. He had changed and for the worse. He forgot the parts of her he really fell in love with. It wasn’t a toned stomach or mascara covered lashes, it was her heart.

He stood and went to the kitchen. She was placing some of the pans into the sink, she smiled when she saw him. He glanced at the table. Roast beef and mashed potatoes, his favorite. She walked over and made his plate for him. She didn’t need to, but she always did. She never changed.

He sat down and looked across the table as she made her own plate. He had changed before, he could change again. Her warm smile, bright eyes, the gentle way she hummed as she did things. The same girl from all those years ago. He reached across the table and held her hand. She looked at him in shock.

“I love you, Lisa,” he said gently.

For the first time in a long time, he really meant it.