A Parting Kiss

With timid steps she inched closer to her undoing, each footstep echoing the heavy burden of her heart. She had no idea what to say. She wasn’t even sure she was going the right way; her vision was blurred yet her body sensed his presence was near. Pulling her down the path to her final goodbye, her heart yearned to be with him one last time. Though her soul longed for him, her mind was conflicted. It was taking every ounce of love in her not to just turn away; but she needed to see him – she owed him that much.

Yesterday everything was fine. Yesterday they were happy. Yesterday they indulged in casual conversations about their future with smiles on their faces and sparkles in their eyes. Those conversations now meaningless.

Breath hitching, she reached a trembling hand to the cold, steel door. Pausing for a brief moment, to contemplate turning back and acting as though nothing had ever happened. The talons of her anxiety were clawing at her mind – the fear of closing their chapter was starting to take over. It was now or never. The looming dread of failing him, that hung above her, was far worse than any anxiety of saying goodbye. She could not do that to him. She could not break him twice. She could not falter – she had to be brave, for him.

Pushing open the door to the chamber of solitude, she entered. Stark lights cast a sterile glow, piercing through the darkness all around her. Instantaneously, her eyes darted across the room locking on him. His eyes were closed, as he lay in a deep slumber across a steel sheet. Tears welled in her eyes as she took in the bittersweet sight before her. He looked so peaceful. Not daring to wake him, she slowly crept towards him. She knew she wouldn’t wake him but seeing him lie so softly she didn’t want to disturb the peace that blanketed over him.

In an amorous hug, silence covered the room. Most would have found such quiet unnerving. But the lack of noise to interrupt their moment comforted her. The pounding of her heart echoed loud enough; anyone would have thought there were two hearts beating in the room – not just one. That very thought crossed her mind, and for a small moment, it eased the dull ache that coursed through her entire body.

Leaning closely over his slumbering shell, gentle words of love poured out of her. Her voice was barely a whisper - daring for him to hear the sweet nothings that escaped her lips. They danced around his face, and all she could do was hope that they would find his soul and provide him with the solace that she desperately desired. As her words floated around the room searching for the graceful essence of her beloved, her fingers wrapped around his cold hand – seeking the warmth that once was.  

But that warmth was long gone. Coldness followed from death’s kiss, and it suffocated him. Pale and lifeless, he was the spectre of what he used to be – who she loved. The façade had crumbled away. Desperate to find her lover, her eyes frantically searched the ghost of his face.

An emotional weight pressed down in her throat, as her vision began to blur once more. Ignorance was not possible anymore. She had to face this fear. She had to let him go.

Gingerly, she edged a hand to the icy cold that emanated beside her. Tenderly tracing the contours of his face, her fingers delicately trailed down the outline of his cool cheek. Each touch was deliberate and steady. As her fingers leisurely stroked his skin, she memorised every detail: every line and every curve, etching them into her heart. She lingered over him, tears creeping down her face, hesitant to let go.

Hoping to wake him from his deep sleep, she found herself edging her face closer to his. If only a gentle kiss would save him from the curse of death. Surviving remnants of his scent swayed beneath her nose. Inhaling notes of cedarwood and Tonka bean, she felt a sudden urgency to be at one with him. Entranced, she pressed her quivering lips against his frozen mouth. Droplets of her tears peppered his face and all she could taste from his cold, cold lips were the salty-sweetness of their last kiss. Nothing could bring him back and the realisation of that had swallowed any trace of hope that was left and filled her with despair.

No fire was ignited within her with this kiss. She longed for more. Squeezing her eyes shut, forcing them to hold onto the fleeting tears, she tried to remember their first kiss – for this cold, solemn kiss was far from the feeling she wanted to grasp onto.

She tried to remember the warmth from his lips, the effusion of heat from his body. She tried to remember the healthy glow of his skin that glistened with the sun’s caress. She tried to remember his eyes – his green eyes that encapsulated the untamed beauty of lavish meadows. She remembered how his strong hands felt against her body, as his arms held her close. The fluttery feeling as they entangled one another with a fervent embrace – never intending to let go. The fire that grew wild inside her. The way they struggled to resist the urge to touch each other, like magnets. How their smiles bloomed against each other’s faces, as the petals gently swayed in the fields around them. How beautiful he was, like the delicate forms of colour that elegantly lay amidst the lush greenery. His golden locks bold enough to compete with the radiance of the sun. She wanted to stay in that moment forever.

This kiss evoked so much pain. Its tragedy a catalyst for her tear-stained cheeks. Heart full of sorrow, she freed his lips from hers. Looking down at his corpse, she knew that the man she cherished had transcended. With a kiss full of remorse, she had let him go. Her guilt had evolved into relief: he was free. But she still couldn’t leave. Just as it was with their first kiss on that day.

A final act of love: a final kiss. A kiss embodying the goodbye of the words that struggled to exit her mouth. A kiss that meant more than a thousand words. A kiss that released the strong tie between two beings. All that she could do now was leave – leave and never look back. She had bid him farewell and as she left the room, refusing to crumble and turn back, she silently promised him she would live on just as he wanted her to.