Fly or die?

I was going to kill myself. I really was. I have tried many times before but this wasn’t like before. This one was different. I was really going to do it… until…. I saw this bird, it was just learning to fly. It tried and tried. It was so scared. But once it got a little PUSH it got better. The bird flew. It soward across the city like it has been flying for years. Just then I knew that I shouldn’t kill myself… I should learn how to fly on my own. Just like that bird did. So the next day, I started out fresh. I got some fruit and vegetables and I quit my job to go after my dream, to be a bartender. I actually did it. I got my dream job. I have been working there for about 10 years now. Things are actually turning out great. But being a bartender is so difficult. There is so much work that my parents didn’t prepare me for. So many bills and debt. Things have been getting rough recently. I also recently have been seeing a therapist, she is very helpful, but still not great enough, All I want to do is be happy. I get these urges… urges of wanting to hurt myself. I just can’t take it anymore. Thinking back to that bird, 10 more years it would be dead, if it isn’t already. And I hope it isn’t. I want it to be happy and not like me. I will let the bird fly as I die. So here we go as I say goodbye… this is the end, please… don’t… cry...