it starts with (1) text message

ROCHESTER, NY. 9:34 PM

The phone chimes. Unaware that he had spaced out in the shower, Harris reaches through the curtain and grabs his phone from the vanity top. 

He sighs. Not only did he space out in the shower, but he had been staring at his shelf of bath products for the past thirty minutes, while the water trickled absentmindedly over his face. Harris turns the water off, grabbing his towel as he steps out. He checks his notifications:

(1) TEXT MESSAGE

Harris spends the next 10 minutes changing into his sleepwear and brewing himself a fresh cup of “bedtime” tea. By now, he was settled in front of his desktop, the piping hot tea resting on a new coaster his friend gave him. His friend insisted on having him over at her apartment next time, for some home-cooked dinner. Her reasoning behind it was to show him her special coaster collection.  

But this text was not from her. Instead, it was from his childhood classmate turned friend, Benny Hu:

Benn_wHuu: Yo, everything okay? You seemed kinda out of it at the party tonight. 

Harris.k.son: Yeah, I’m alright. Just had a lot on my mind. 

Benn_wHuu: Is it Isabel? She’s definitely into you man. 

Benn_wHuu: I bet she was wishing you guys were alone at her place instead of the party…if you know what I mean. 

Benn_wHuu: She practically stuck onto you the whole night. You’ve got her. 

Benn_wHuu: You’re into her, right?

Harris.k.son: I know she’s into me. She’s cute, seems sweet, and we’ve had great conversations. So far there’s nothing to dislike about her. 

Benn_wHuu: You gonna ask her on a date? ;)) 

Benn_wHuu: You def have my support man

Harris.k.son: Yeah, probably. Next week, when I have dinner at her place, I’ll ask her out on a proper date.

Benn_wHuu: Hell yeah. Happy for you man.

Yet, something told Harris that he didn’t quite feel the same sentiment that Benny did about his newfound love interest. He takes a sip of his bedtime tea, hoping that it will calm the unwanted jitters in his stomach. 

SYRACUSE, NY. 9:34 PM

Lily hadn’t seen her notifications until she arrived back home. She drops her purse, keys, and a medium-sized box on the kitchen table then slumps onto her couch, not bothering to turn the lights on. The only light illuminating the space came from the windows behind her sofa and the dim glow of her phone:

(3) TEXT MESSAGES

(1) MISSED CALL

“Crap,” she mutters. She’d forgotten about her planned video call with Sherry. She returns the call. The phone rings twice-

“Lily?”

“Heyyyyy.”

“Everything good? I called earlier.” 

“Yeah sorry, I forgot we were supposed to video call tonight.” 

“Oh, that’s fine. You wanna video call now?”

“Um…actually, can we just voice call? My face looks like a mess right now and I don’t really feel like videoing.” 

“Girl, we used to cry together after classes in college, remember? I don’t think I’ll mind.”

“I know, it’s not that, it’s just…’m not in the mood for it.” Against Lily’s wishes and will, she could feel the back of her throat tighten at the end of that sentence. 

“Wait. Did something happen?” 

Silence pursuits as Lily tries to fight back the tears before replying.

“Hello? Lily?”

She hovers in a silent breath-

“You still there?”

-to no avail, as she feels the tears spill down her face for the third time that day. Lily sniffles as she grabs the tissue box sitting on the coffee table beside her.

 “Lily? Are you crying?”

“Yes. No. I mean-” she pauses as another wave of tears trickles down her cheeks. “I-it’s…I don’t know.”

“Lily…do you want me to come over?”

“No, it’s okay. We both have work tomorrow.”

“Yeah, but…what happened?”

“Ugh, give me a second. I’m gonna need to let some more tears out before I continue.”

“Take your time. I’ll be here.” 

ROCHESTER, NY. 10:02 PM

After blow-drying his hair, Harris returned to his desk with another cup of tea. He ended up downing the first one. He was about to work on some posters for his new client when he noticed another message from Benny: 

Benn_wHuu: So if it’s not the girl, then what was bothering you tonight? 

Harris is known to be a straightforward man. To his friends, his family, and himself…but right now, he hesitated in telling Benny what was bothering him. Harris himself wasn’t even entirely sure what was troubling him that night. However, he knew that pretending it was nothing wasn’t going to help anyone, especially himself:

Harris.k.son: I think I saw Lily. 

Benn_wHuu: What? Tonight?

Harris.k.son: Yeah.

Benn_wHuu: No way, she lives in Syracuse now. She moved over a year ago. 

Benn_wHuu: It couldn’t be her. 

Harris.k.son: You’re right, but she was there. She was walking past the place with someone. I saw her through the window and we made eye contact. 

Benn_wHuu: It was probably just someone who looked like her?

Harris.k.son: Possibly. But I also have perfect vision. 

Benn_wHuu: You were also drinking tonight…

Harris.k.son: Not enough to start seeing wrong. I literally drove Isabel home.

Benn_wHuu: Alright, fine. Are you telling me that seeing Lily is what bothered you?

Harris.k.son: Honestly, I don’t know. 

Benn_wHuu: Oh man, Harris. We both know how that relationship went. 

Benn_wHuu: I thought you were over her?? 

Harris.k.son: I am. 

Benn_wHuu: …but…????

Harris.k.son: I’m ready to start seeing other people, like Isabel. 

Benn_wHuu: …Okayyyyy…buuuuuut…?

Harris.k.son: And I think Isabel could be a fresh start. 

Benn_wHuu: Get to the but Harris. 

Harris was hoping that there would be no “but,” but unfortunately the hesitancy and discomfort lingered in his chest far too long to convince him otherwise. Clearly, he hadn’t convinced Benny at all:

Harris.k.son: I’m not really sure myself what I’m feeling. I hadn’t felt like this before about Lily until I spotted her tonight. 

Benn_wHuu: Okay

Benn_wHuu: Just describe to me anything you’re feeling

Benn_wHuu: Physical, mental, emotional, the whole shebang. 

For some reason, this made Harris start to sweat and his heart rate noticeably increased. Nonetheless, he carried on, starting with what he just observed:

My heart rate just went up. I’m sweating now even though I wasn’t just earlier. There’s been this weird discomfort in my chest that I haven’t been able to shake off ever since I saw her. Every time I try to focus on anything else I just keep thinking about her and our relationship and how things ended. I kept thinking about myself too, like I was watching a movie about our relationship. All the time that passed between that relationship and now, and how much has happened. I hadn’t thought about the relationship since we broke up, but seeing her again made me realize just how much things have changed since then. I like Isabel, but for some reason

Before Harris could finish his text, a realization struck him like a hammer in a game of whack-a-mole. That paragraph of word vomit was no longer needed. He knew exactly what he was feeling. 

Harris.k.son: I feel guilty. 

SYRACUSE, NY. 10:02 PM

“Guilty? Pleeeeeease girl, don’t feel guilty. You know I’m here for you. That’s what friends are for!” 

Lily couldn’t help but let out a little laugh. “You’re right. Thank you. I think I’ve calmed down now.”

“Okay. So what happened?” 

“I don’t really know… Um, I had a bad day at work today. My coworker was being an absolute ass to me. Recently it just seems like she’s out to get me? And I don’t know why. It’s so frustrating. Then after work, I drove to Rochester to pick up the lamp my sister was giving away, and we went out for dinner, just the two of us since. And when we were walking out of the restaurant…”

“Uh-huh…”

Lily opens her mouth. Not a sound comes out.

“Lily?” 

“I-I think-” She cuts herself off.

“Yeah? I’m listening.”

“I think I saw Harris.”

“Lily. Respectfully but also not respectfully, FUCK Harris. And not in that way. Where did you see him?”

“Uh, at this event center. Looks like it was a networking party of sorts.” 

“That makes sense. He’s a businessman, he lives in Rochester…”

“...Yeah.” 

She could hear Sherry sigh over the phone. “Look, Lily, I wasn’t trying to be rude earlier. It’s just when I heard his name, I got so angry thinking about what he put you through that it came out before I could stop myself. I know you always say it takes two to tango, but what he did was NOT your fault. He left you feeling like everything in that relationship was your fault.”

“Yeah.”

“Lily, when he broke up with you, you were in absolute shambles. You can’t go back to something like that again.”

“Yeah.” This time, the tears were silent and easier to speak through. “Sometimes, I’d think about how stupid and young I was.”

“Lily-”

“I know it’s only been a year, and I truly didn’t know better then, but I still feel so stupid. I loved this man so much, yet made so many dumb mistakes. Seeing him tonight, it brought all those feelings back again. Not that they ever went away fully, but it hit me like a hammer at a game of whack-a-mole.”

“That’s a very specific analogy.”

Lily shrugs, even though Sherry can’t see her. “I dunno. It was just the first thing that popped into my head.” 

“Right…continue.” 

“We made eye contact in those two seconds that we recognized each other. Watching his face…” Lily shakes her head. “Nevermind. I don’t know where I was going with that.” 

“Huh?” 

“I don’t know. I just…want to talk to him again…”

Benn_wHuu: So now what, you want to apologize to her?

“Talking to him isn't going to change anything. He’s never going to apologize. He never once thought he should.”

Harris.k.son: I know it may not change anything

“Lily…I think it’s time to truly let this go.”

Benn_wHuu: Harris man, you gotta leave the past in the past. 

“But I can’t help but feel like something’s changed, Sherry.”

Harris.k.son: but I have to take accountability for my behavior. 

“And maybe, for both of us to finally move on, it starts with-”

SYRACUSE, NY. 10:37 PM

After Lily finished her phone call with Sherry, she went straight to unpacking her new lamp and got ready for bed. Had she stayed on the couch for a little longer, she knew her mind would have fallen down a rabbit hole and she would have been cemented to that couch until dawn. She had work tomorrow, with that coworker of hers who never failed to clock in her nastiest attitude until shift ended. She would need all the energy she could get to make it through that. 

So, no more thinking for now, Lily thought to herself. Sherry was probably right. She was just being delusional, and there was no chance that he felt differently now, not after all this time. That look she saw meant nothing. Not to him, anyway.

But it meant everything to her. 

As Lily stepped into the shower, she noticed a shift in her attitude. Her mind had slipped into those devious “but what-if’s.” They hadn’t seen each other in so long, and when they parted, both had left so much unsaid. What if something has changed? What if it did mean something? What if-

Lily shakes her head, promptly shutting the water off. She had nearly drowned, though not in water. She pulls on her nightwear (maybe he hasn’t changed…) and washes her face over the sink. Toothpaste, toothbrush, (but to figure this out for good,) followed by mouthwash. A couple of minutes later, she was finally in bed. Lily inches under her sheets (all it takes is one simple step) and grabs her phone. After all, it starts with:

(1) TEXT MESSAGE