To be or not to be

   The human race is composed of two species, the male and the female. They are physical and mental different and have different choices to make throughout their lives. Ones of the biggest choices a female face is the decision to become a parent. It is the female that carries the baby and births it. In some cases, it is by choice, in some case they believe it is their duty, and in some case, once they have become impregnated, the law demands they carry the child to full term and birth it.

   The male can do very little about it. They can acknowledge the child as their, they can deny the child is theirs, they can be supportive or not. So, teaching a female about the word parent should be an important part of their upbringing. Unfortunately, that is not always the reality. I happened to be one of the luck ones. I was raised in a prochoice family and have spent most of my life living in a prochoice state. I was taught about birth control and what options I had if I were to become pregnant. With all of that being said there came that day when I knew that I was pregnant. I was not married; I hadn’t planned it but it was definitely a very real fact. That meant I had a little under three months to make the decision about whether or not I wanted to be a mother.

 So, lists are a very useful thing in decision making. Starting with if I want to be a mother do I want the father involved in the child’s life. If the child is born, should I keep it. If it’s born handclapped or if I have twins, should I keep it or them or give it up for adoption.  Okay major decision made, the father will not be made know to anybody other then close family and friends and he can prove to me whether he has the right to be known or called father. If not then he will be referred to as sperm donor. If do not have an abortion then I have 6 months to decide about keeping at after birth.

  Next pros and cons of becoming a single mother. Better start with the cons. First the child while be biracial so I will have to be prepared to teach them both sides of their heritage. I will also have to be aware of people and place that cannot tolerate a Caucasian woman have a mixed child. Second a child is expensive and time consuming. Third you are legal obligated to take care of them until they reach the age of adulthood. Fourth you have to make a commitment to set a good example. Fifth you will be required to make sure you do your best to keep them mentally and physically health as well as emotional balanced. Sixth this child will be it own self not a duplicate not a redo of you or it’s father. Seventh this child did not ask to born or conceived so if I decide to birth it, I am obliged to all of the above and then some.

  Okay so then what are the pros? Well first off, I will learn discipline. Second, I will begin to understand the meaning of one life being committed to another life, voluntarily, which up until this this moment and time I have not seriously considered. Third I will gain a whole new perspective on life that will encompass the word parent going all the back to my parents, my parents parents, and so on and so forth.  That will give me personal a better sense of self. Fourth I will have a living breathing daily kick in the backside to stay motived because there will be another life dependent on my decisions. So, no more slacking off. Fifth I will be more motived to find positive people and situations instead staying isolated or hanging out with people that are basically a waste of my time and energy. Sixth I will have to stop believing in fairy tales and except the reality that life is what it is and what I choose to make of it. Seventh I will be fulfilling an instinctive species drive and desire to understand what the word mother means as a female.

  Back to the cons. What if I fuck the kids head up for life just by bringing into the world? What if I go nuts because I can’t handle it after I birth it? What if I die before it’s an adult? What if the child dies before it’s grown? What if we both die during the process of child birth? Actual I can’t really call these con’s there more like rationalizations involved in the decision process. Oh, and one month as passed so I know only have two months left to decide. Guess I better start becoming more observant of other single mothers and see how there doing with this whole process. Plus, I have to real take a look at were I’m at with the spiritual part of all this. All of that fully occupied my second month. Okay one more month to decide. This is just so much fun(not).

    I am now in my third month and coming to the end of my first trimester. The window is closing fast on my being able to legal have an abortion or birth and deciding to keep it or not. Boy, do I wish I was one of those ignorant people that could just say “F” it with out any thought.  Major concern rears its ugly head in my mind. If I decide to keep it, what do I tell my mother and father? How will they react? If I abort, I don’t even have to tell them anything. Then again I graduated high school early, left home when I was seventeen and I am now twenty-three going on twenty-four so why should telling them and worrying about their reaction even be a major concern?

  It is now the third month of my pregnancy and I’m doing it. I’m keeping the baby. Now I have six months to decide if I will become a single mother or give the child up for adoption. Who ever thinks that this whole process of pregnancy is anything other than decision making is out of their mind.