Support

RACHEL

(picking up landline, mid-ring)

For the love of Christ, how many messages are you going to leave? It’s going to take me a solid hour to delete all of these.

AMY

Please, Rachel. Support groups are a great way to—

RACHEL

No.

AMY

Well—

RACHEL

No, thank you.

AMY

I paid for you to be a part of this. You’re going. It starts at 7pm. On the corner of Banks and Hodge. Don’t be late.

RACHEL

You know you can find this kind of thing for free, right?

AMY

This group is very good. I’ve heard it’s well worth the money.

RACHEL

Amy. I’m dying. Nothing is worth the money. Save it for your kid. When he pops out you can tell him Auntie Rachel skipped group so he could have the N64.

AMY

That’s not funny.

RACHEL

Did I chuckle?

AMY

Why are you being so difficult?

RACHEL

I don’t want to spend the next two months sitting in a circle and talking about my feelings to strangers. I already know how I feel. It all sucks.

AMY

Have you been taking your meds?

RACHEL

Which one? There are many.

AMY

You know which one.

RACHEL

The whole brain fog thing makes it hard for me to remember—

AMY

Goddammit.

RACHEL

Gasp! Amy took the lord's name in vain. What would mom think?

AMY

I don’t know.

RACHEL

Trick question. She can’t because she’s in the grave, duh.

(silence)

Would it kill you to laugh?

AMY

Would it kill you to take the meds your doctor tells you to take?

RACHEL

Statistically speaking, the probability could be yes.

AMY

Rachel.

RACHEL

I’m being serious. You should read the research.

AMY

Please go to the group. This will be a good thing.

RACHEL

For you or me?

AMY

For both of us.

RACHEL

I don’t need a support group.

AMY

Yes, you do.

RACHEL

What I need is a new throat. Can you buy me a new throat?

AMY

That’s not fair.

(sound of rustling on the other end)

What are you doing?

RACHEL

Looking for the word fair to see if it’s next to the word cancer in the dictionary.

AMY

(exasperated) Just one session.

RACHEL

No.

AMY

Please.

RACHEL

No.

AMY

Why are you always so damn stubborn?

RACHEL

There is beauty in resistance.

(slight pause)

Look—I appreciate your efforts. I really do.

AMY

Then stop fighting me on this.

RACHEL

Support groups are for people who have time.

AMY

Two months is time.

RACHEL

Time I could be spending walking outside—

AMY

Getting clarity—

RACHEL

Watching reruns of my favorite TV shows—

AMY

Guidance—

RACHEL

Stuffing my face with chocolate and sandwiches and popcorn—

AMY

Finding some peace of mind—

RACHEL

Hell, I could go even go on a date—

AMY

You can’t leave me to do this alone! 

(sobbing)

How? 

How am I supposed to do this without you? How does anyone do this? I feel everything, all at once, all the time. I’m so overwhelmed. And this just feels, it all feels…

RACHEL

It feels like a lot of things—

AMY

It’s complete fuckery.

RACHEL

It’s cancer, but yes, I see where you are going—

AMY

Why is it that when someone you love gets cancer, it feels like, like…

RACHEL

You can say it.

AMY

No.

RACHEL

Yes.

AMY

No.

RACHEL

That you’re dying, too.

AMY

I’m so selfish for even saying it.

RACHEL

You aren’t being selfish. You’re grieving.

AMY

I’m sad, Rach. I’m really sad. I feel completely consumed by losing you, and you’re still here. How does anyone survive this?

RACHEL

We survived losing mom.

AMY

That was different. I had you.

RACHEL

You still have me.

AMY

(no response)

RACHEL

It’s okay to be afraid of being alone.

AMY

Tell me something I can hold onto. Not a joke. Just something real.

RACHEL

This is going to be ugly.

AMY

Rachel, c’mon…

RACHEL

Let me finish.

This is going to be ugly. Right now, we’re in the uncomfortable phase. Everything is preparation. Then it’s going to be really bad when we get to the final stages. I’ll get thinner. I won’t be able to eat on my own. My skin will look pink one day and grey the next. It will be absolute hell to witness. There will be more bad days than good days when we get close to the end. Everything will hurt. You are going to cry a lot. Sleep very little. There will be days when you will question why the world picked us. Why the world didn’t give us a present father, then took away our mother when we needed her the most, then dealt a hand to your only sister. And then I’ll pass. It will be fast. But I will be pain free. You will hold a funeral. Replay every good memory you ever had. And mourn the ones we will never get. But you are going to be a mom, too. You’re going to usher in a new life, untouched by any heartache or pain or grief. On the heels of a loss, there will be celebration. You’ll be able to look back on all of this and say, “I stayed.” Even when it got hard. Even when you wanted to look away, you stayed. You made it to the end. You were part of my closing chapter. Not many sisters can say that. Not many sisters can say they got to see the end of their sister’s book, and be part of it. Every second. It was hard. But you were there. It was hard. But you survived it. And one day, you will feel peace because you know that I’m at peace. Your peace is coming, Amy. I can promise that. And you know what?

AMY

What?

RACHEL

Actually. Nevermind.

AMY

No. Say it.

RACHEL 

I’m not making a joke, I swear.

AMY

Just say it.

RACHEL

There’s a support group for this kind of thing.

AMY

Now you’re just being cruel.

RACHEL

I mean. You have to give me some credit. I managed to make it a whole two minutes being serious.

AMY

Rachel.

RACHEL

Yeah?

AMY

Don’t make me ask again.

RACHEL

I’ll go. But only once.

AMY

You may actually like it.

RACHEL

Only once, Amy, only once.

AMY

I love you.

RACHEL

Yeah, Yeah. I love you, too. I gotta go shower now. I’ve got a date with the dying.