The Brienz separation

How could I have known that the train station in Bern would sum up our relationship after so many years as best friends?

We had always been friends since high school days, and we made a promise to each other to travel overseas when we turned 21 to see the world and find adventure together. But it turned out that I was on my own on this adventure, and my best friend would only join me 6 months later for 6 weeks, when she had saved enough money to travel and see me.

Netty and I found each other in high school through friendships and inter-school activities. She was a young girl from the Namoi who was sent to Sydney to finish high school, and I was one of three children growing up on the lower north shore of Sydney discovering life on the weekends instead of studying.

We immediately hit it off Netty and I, so much so, she became mum and dad's second daughter, and fourth child for some years. We were inseparable; from the gym sessions we escaped from on weekends to smoke and sip champagne on her verandah, to discovering boys and how they fitted into our lives. Netty was a year older than me and she lived with her sister in Willoughby.

I recall the countless times we rolled around laughing at life and friendships, recounting moments meeting new people and experiencing life together. Our social group was made up of boys and girls, and we had each other's backs and enjoyed each other's company in various settings in the eastern suburbs and lower north shore of Sydney. Sydney was a peaceful place to socialise back then, and boy did we enjoy its tantalising bars, parks and swimming holes to the fullest.

I didn't grow up with a sister so when I met Netty and we hit it off it took time for me to trust her completely and know that what I told her stayed only with her. We finished each other's sentences and when we left school and began work we enjoyed the many parties and events around town and wore so many different clothes for free from the store she worked in in Surry Hills. Life was basically our playground and we enjoyed every moment of its ups and downs together.

It was on that train station in Bern however when everything fell apart. I had always been someone who avoided confrontation, so I fitted in and acquiesced where I had to to keep the peace and avoid conflict. But on this occasion Netty had complained so much since arriving in Europe to see me, that I burst! Instead of ignoring her complaints about her sore back as a result of the backpack on her back, I told her I had had enough of her whining. I fired back for the first time and while it felt good to get these emotions of my chest, it also felt bad because I knew I had hurt my best friend. I got on the train and left her on the platform, only to have her beside me 5 minutes later wiping tears from her face. I had insulted her and hurt her callously and it wasn't a good feeling. As out train continued on down the valley nearing our destination, I knew our relationship had taken a different path. A path that I somehow knew would be different when she returned home, and I continued on for another six months travelling around Europe solo.

Had I instigated this separation purposely at this very moment to remove myself from this friendship intentionally; I don't know to this day. But I do know that I hurt Netty and our friendship wouldn't be the same again until we had married our respective partners and had children. Netty married a guy that I felt was too weak for her, as she was gregarious and adventurous, and he was spineless lacking any motivation for life. I married my brother's ideal brother-in-law, as he fitted into my family like a hand in a glove, and we set off on a 14 year adventure with our children around Australia only venturing overseas once to a nearby country that would hold onto our hearts to this day. Netty and I didn't see each other for some years, but when the day came for us to move back to Sydney for a year, we reconnected and there began our friendship again.

Some years later Netty would divorce the spineless guy and this was a very tumultuous time in her life. I heard about the awful things she had to go through being his partner and my heart broke for her. I often wondered why we grew apart and how we managed to let each other off the hook when it came to correspondence and catching up for that infamous brandied alexander we so used to love at the Marble Bar.

But as time went on, I made sure I kept in contact with Netty, to not only support her through the hard times ahead being a single mum with three children, but to let her know I cared enough and that I was sorry for hurting her all those years ago.

My life was my life though; I wasn't comfortable telling anyone about the challenges I was going through being a mum, wife, friend, daughter and daughter-in-law. I've always been the daughter and niece of strong women, who crack on with life and don't dwell on the what ifs. My grandmother always told me to 'never trust a man', to 'be my own woman' and to 'live my life to the fullest'. I've tried to live up to her advice and wisdom throughout my 57 years but it hasn't been an easy road let's put it that way. Instead of telling my friends my thoughts, I always told mum or my grandmother; they were the women in my life who knew me the best and they were my true confidants. Netty was once my best friend, but through experience I had learned not to trust knowledge with friendships, because once you are no longer friends, this information can often spread around a lounge room over champagne and nibbles or beside the barbecue.

That train trip from Bern to Brienz will always stay in my memory as a moment in my life when I grew up and began to have my own opinions and I learned to trust that my ideals, principles and morals were my strengths and saviours in years to come.