Everything Is Superlative!!!

Explicit: sex, substance abuse

By Visit #3 you realize that, all your life, everyone's been judging you for your actions, which stem from an illness that you didn't even know that you had. They're watching you, just like they're all watching each other, too; suddenly the world seems entirely too judgmental about one another. It's just that you've never cared before.

You still won't care, unless the medicine works.

You're 40 and confused. This initial mental health appointment was supposed to be helpful, but things are even more bewildering now: you apparently have literal mania. That’s a thing? You thought it was just the root word for song titles and over-expression.

The shrink says it's extremely rare in the population, something like 0.2% because it normally comes bundled with depression: mania is the lesser-known half of bipolar disorder, only its victims don't have the depression part.

You agree with him: you've never been depressed in your life. However, mania is like the letter "q," because it (usually) can’t stand alone. You thought that part about "q" in your head just now while he was talking, because your brain is bored and rarely slows down; it seemed mildly humorous. Most things seem some-level-of-humorous to you, and laughing is great – everyone says it is good medicine, and they’re right. It is The Best Medicine EVER!!!

So, then, why do you need any actual medicine now? What’s wrong with being “up” all the time? Oh, you know the answer to that: your life is a hot mess because of it. 

You leave the office with a prescription, humming the “Dr. Feelgood” song in the elevator. You make conversation with the person who gets on, because you talk... and talk. You are outgoing and friendly (practically manic! as they say), and some people are bound to be annoyed by it. Sometimes they don't want to hang out with you anymore, because it can be exhausting.

The elevator person isn’t annoyed, though. You desperately want to find Your Tribe, so you wonder if they might have mania, too. You probably shouldn’t ask. You want to tell them that you do, because it’s new news. Don’t forget it’s rare, so that means you are special, right? You know it, The Best Egomaniac EVER!!! And you aren’t really ashamed of it, because you are The Best Thing EVER!!! Woo hoo!!! (Grandiosity is a key feature of mania, too.)

You wish you knew about Dr. Feelgood back when you were 15. Sure, probably a lot of people “lose it” at that age, but you really sought it out hardcore, and your mom was super-pissed when she found out, because she was a devout Christian, and that was A Sin. She treated you like hell after that, so you've technically paid your afterlife dues for it already.

You're still too afraid to go to class reunions due to all the drama that promiscuity caused back then. It was like you couldn’t wait for it, though, and the promiscuity – which is a hallmark of mania – stayed with you ever since. You are just lucky you didn’t get pregnant. Can you imagine being manic with a baby on board? That would be The Worst Idea EVER!!!

You abuse emoticons, you are so high on life, but you’re typing this out trying to explain, and those would detract from your message. So you tone it down a bit. Maybe you should cut back on the catch phrase? You question yourself like everyone does, but with you, it never lasts long enough to resolve. Your brain is already onto the next thing.

The promiscuity of course led to a lot of marriages and subsequent divorces. You wonder if Zsa Zsa was manic, maybe Liz Taylor, too. No, Hollywood probably just does that to you. Yours is totally different: guys see you as happy and outgoing and energetic and really into sex, like REALLY. Those things are true, but can you see what’s coming next here?

So they marry you, but marriage doesn’t change the fact that you are REALLY into sex. Like, with everyone. That’s the mania. The shrink tells you that part used to be just called nymphomania/hypersexuality, and while that is still a thing, they’re starting to see it’s really under the umbrella of mania - which, of course, is still lumped under the umbrella of bipolar disorder, itself, though that is changing.

This guy is making so much sense! Your life isn’t necessarily a train wreck of your own doing, and he can fix it. He’s fast becoming The Best Shrink EVER!!!

You see him again soon thereafter. You have a conscience, though it silences when you’re extremely manic several times a year. Right now, though, you are just baseline manic, and you admit that you hurt a lot of people over time. Not just husbands, but friends and boyfriends, too... and your family. Your antics are legendary. You are “the party girl,” “the black sheep,” "the crazy-fun ex-."

You really can’t help it: it was uncontrolled for so long. Still, now you want to go back and apologize to all those people – right away!! – but he is sure to point out that you need to let your medicine work and not bring any drama into your life, since that would be The Worst Idea EVER!!!

You ask him if it’s still ok to have sex. He says you need to keep it to one partner until the medicine works. 😕 You know you said you weren’t going to use emoticons, but that one will be tough. You ask how long until the medicine works? He sighs and says maybe you should try to focus on “no partners” right now, and work on yourself. 

Worst. Shrink. EVER!!!

Fine, you say. Don't you remember that time you were barely able to prevent yourself from dropping down to your knees and servicing a guy in the elevator on the way up to your 10th Floor offices? That was the day that really scared you; that is when you knew that “something” was very wrong with you. What if you had done it? You didn't actually WANT to do it. It was a compulsion, just like all the other sex you were having; the guy was an attorney you worked with whom you barely knew. It was such a strong urge that you could barely fight it, and that became the day when you finally tried to get away... from yourself.

Jobs are usually easy to get and easy to keep, because you are a happy and energetic employee. (Unless you do something stupid and blow it - hah no pun!) They don’t even care that you come in hungover so many days a week.

The alcohol is apparently the way you've been trying to cope with your excesses: it's a depressant, he says, and you picked up on that as a way to level off the extreme highs of your mania. 

He says you should absolutely not drink on this medicine. You will need to find a treatment place. He can give you some pills that help, too, so now that’s 2 more prescriptions. SUCK! Alcohol is a part of your life, how are you going to just throw that away? You'll think about that later (no you won't, because you are you).

Wait, was Scarlett O’Hara manic? Maybe. You will have to re-read that book. No, you'll just watch the movie. It’s hard to sit still for books - apparently also the mania.

This is getting long. You wonder if you should talk about the huge amounts of debt you rack up, because Everything Is The Best Idea EVER!!! You bought a wig; you literally went to the mall one day for a walk around, and just bought a wig to wear out when you left. Sometimes you get so manic you pretend there might be someone following you, but it’s really that you are playing a game with yourself because it’s fun, and you love espionage movies. So you go wherever your mania leads you, thus the wig disguise, which was The Least Practical Thing EVER!!! Nobody wears those anymore, and you dropped over $100 on it on just a whim.

Oh, don’t forget the complete apartment redo that you initiated when a potential beau from out of town was coming to visit you. The house HAD to be redone, indoor trees, Grecian style; you even added one of those columns and put a fern on it, for God’s sake.

The house was beautiful… for a time. You don’t really have time for cleaning, because it’s hard to focus on things like that, so the plants died. They were over $300 combined, and that doesn’t count all that you paid for while he was here, because you LOVE to spend like a big spender, when you are manic. Which is a lot of the time, even when it's not extreme. 

You had five more out-of-state boyfriends. Always the same story with the redecorating and big spending when they came to visit. That doesn't count all the plane tickets to places on a whim because every idea seems like a good idea, as you may have mentioned.

It's unfightable; you are compelled to act because there's no time nor need to second-guess yourself on a manic high. You once flew to Chicago for dinner, then flew back that same night, because you no longer had a Trader Vic's at home, and you wanted Trader Vic's. Life's a big adventure and you are always "in." And like NYC, you never (rarely) sleep.

Which is now why you have those pills. You just know they are gonna work. Will you be sad because life isn't fun anymore? You hope not, because you still think just for the revelation he gave you, that shrink was The Best Shrink EVER!!!