999

[Content Warning: Death, Suicide, & Inappropriate Language]

Ezra

Nine years, nine months, nine days since you.

Riding on the packed bus at night, Ezra leaned against the yellow pole, heading to the same job he’s had since high school, still stuck in the town he was born and raised in. Everyday the thought of leaving flitted across his mind, and everyday the same hope grounded him here: she might come back. He closed his eyes, and her violet eyes smiled at him, the ghostly wind-chime of her laughter sent delicious chills down his arms, and the taste of her lips, god, a buttery caramel that still stayed with him.

Nine years had passed since he last breathed her name: Ravyn. He first spotted her on the pathway he took to high school at the breaking of dawn. She was ethereal: a dark priestess, who listened to Metallica like a God’s sermon. She never wore her school uniform according to code, the quilt an inch too short. Ezra avoided speaking to her until he gathered every droplet of courage to say: “Want to walk home together?”

High school lovers never faded from the heart, and though Ezra didn’t have a string of ex-girlfriends, he had one. You’d think someone else would’ve filled the bleeding, gaping hole Ravyn left behind, but no one even strummed his heartstrings.

A man in a soldier’s uniform yanked the yellow string for the bus to stop. “Yeah, Captain gave us the week off,” he said on the phone, brushed past Ezra, and waited for the doors. “I know ghosts and demons don’t rest, but being a Sentry is—” The bus stopped, and as the doors swooshed open, he slipped out.

Sentries were modern-day grim reapers trained to guide souls after death from the Purgatory to the Beyond, where ghosts would be tested before entering Eternal Sleep or Rebirth. 

I wonder if Ravyn became a Sentry? He gazed out the window. The bus hissed and continued onward, passing by Ezra’s old school veiled in darkness save for a few dim lights. The last time Ezra was there, Narcissa, Ravyn’s mentor, dragged him outside after the graduation ceremony to “chat.” She was muscular and rough as a mountain and wore her no-bullshit demeanor on her leathery skin. “You are not worthy of her,” she said. “Ravyn needs a man with stability and strength. She cannot waste her time and future with a child like you.”

What did it mean to be a man? Bulging biceps? Degrees up the ass? A fully stocked bank account? No emotions?

Am I a man? Ezra barely graduated with a degree in computer science, his bank account never peaked over a grand, and how could he afford a gym membership with bills raping him in every position?

Sometimes, Ezra thought life would be easier without the turmoils and torments that rocked him like a seesaw. But if he gave up on “feeling,” he’d never enjoy the high when he and Ravyn laughed; the calming caress when they spoke of owning a car together; the hope she filled him like a glass of warm sunlight.

You aren’t worthy of her. That sentence lodged in his chest like an invisible arrow. Since Narcissa’s “chat,” he swore to become worthy, though society made it a bitch to survive. How many meals had he skipped to pay for his rent, tuition, and phone bills? If Ezra lifted his sweater, everyone would see his ribcage through his skin. How many times had his Juliette balcony on the sixth floor whisper, “Jump.”

But always in his pocket, he kept a ring in his wallet. One more day, he believed. If he could land the classic 9-5 job with good pay and medical insurance, he would be worthy of her, yet one more day had turned to almost a decade without her.

One more day, Ezra thought. He worked countless hours at McDonalds and applied to hundreds of programming jobs. Everyday a new rejection letter filled his mailbox while scammers left voicemails. But finally, one letter for an interview gave him a chance. One more day, Ravyn. Ezra smiled. I’ll be—

The bus swerved sharply to the left, throwing the standing passengers onto the floor. Screams and yelps bounced off the dirty glass windows. Ezra gripped the pole tightly. Car horns blared outside. Blinding white light drew Ezra’s wide eyes to the shattered window as the night and shadows fled. Crunch!

. . .

Ravyn

Nine years, nine months, nine days since you.

In a suburban neighborhood, Ravyn crouched on the edge of the rooftop like a crow perched upon a scarecrow. Ambulance sirens echoed in the distance. The midnight chill slithered down her black turtleneck and navy-blue cargo pants. 

Roof tiles creaked behind Ravyn, and she sighed.

“You’re not in uniform,” Narcissa scolded.

Ravyn rolled her eyes.

“A Sentry should be proud to wear the uniform. You are expected to follow the rules, just like the recruits.”

Yet you gave them time off and not me.

Narcissa had decided Ravyn’s future during high school, and no matter how much Ravyn begged to go to the same state university as her boyfriend, Narcissa laughed in her face. Ravyn even secretly applied, but Narcissa found the acceptance letter and shredded it.

Nine years had passed since then, and Ravyn had nothing but a dull future as a Sentry.

“You’re the Captain of our squad,” Ravyn said. “They don’t care about what I do.”

Narcissa sighed. “Just do your job.” She leaped to the neighboring rooftop, again and again, becoming one with the night in the distance. 

Ravyn fell quiet as a poisonous hate stirred for Narcissa. She thought families shared hugs and laughter, not words that worm into you and nestle there. But what could Ravyn do? She’s twenty-six, hopeless and dependent on Narcissa. Going back to school wasn’t an option since Narcissa controlled Ravyn’s finances. Could Ravyn guide ghosts to the Beyond for the rest of her life? Dread swamped her like tar.

The wind flitted through the branches with a song that lost souls sang after their passing, like the strumming of a bass guitar. Sentries wore earbuds to catch the faint tune, and Ravyn’s ear twitched. Here we go again. She outstretched her arm. Tiny snowflakes shimmered in her hand and unified, like frosted glass, into an ice-blue scythe. 

Ghosts who stayed in the Purgatory for too long transformed into demons because their regrets, burdens, or guilt changed them. Sentries like Ravyn escorted them to the doorway of the Beyond, where they underwent trials to overcome their troubles. If they overcome it, they enter Eternal Rest. If they didn’t, they entered Rebirth to relive their life again until they learned their lesson.

Floating in the middle of the pathway behind the houses, a man wandered in a sweater and faded jeans. No shadow followed at his heels despite the bright full moon. He glanced around, lost as freshly dead folks usually were. Ravyn stepped off the rooftop without fear and landed quietly on the catwalk that connected to the pathway.

The ghost halted under a flickering streetlight, and Ravyn approached him. She began the customary, robotic speech: “Welcome to the Purgatory. You must be confused, but that’s okay. I am Sentry tasked to guide you to the Beyond—”

Under the pool of streetlight and moonlight, Ravyn paused, lips parting. “Ezra?”

Wild curly brown hair swayed by his ear as he turned. Black eyes like iced coffee held her hostage. He uttered, “Ravyn?” His voice, deep and richer than before, wove around her bones and claimed her soul. The world beneath her boots shifted.

Ezra’s…dead.

He half smiled, scratching the back of his head nervously. “Wow, I thought I’d never see—” Ezra pointed to her scythe. “Wait, what do you mean ‘Purgatory’? I was on the bus a minute ago…”

“Your memory will come back. It takes a few minutes after—” Ravyn couldn’t say it. She hadn’t seen him since he ghosted her after they graduated from high school.

Ezra stared at his hands, palms facing the moon, helpless. “Am I…”

“I’m sorry for your passing,” Ravyn forced out, voice too soft, too small.

“No…” Ezra shook his head. “No!”

“Look at me, Ezra.” Ravyn grabbed his broad shoulders. Coldness seeped into her palms where warmth once emitted. The change had begun. It’s not long before the human part died and his body deformed into something monstrous and grotesque. Her heart trembled. She swallowed hard. “You cannot stay in Purgatory. If you do, you will become a demon. Think. What is holding you from Eternal Rest?”

Ezra dropped his arms to his sides, looking away.

“Something must be troubling you if you ended up here.”

“I…”

“It’s sometimes a sort of burden or regret.”

He stared at her. “...nothing.”

Why was he lying? Ezra had always told her the truth, well, before. 

Wind rustled the branches with the faint song of a distant violin and the cries and screams from the Beyond. Narcissa’s order hissed in her mind: Just do your job. Maybe the boy she once knew had transformed into someone familiar and a stranger at the same time. Why should she care? Ravyn said in a formal tone, “I have to lead you to the doorway of the Beyond. Follow me.” She led the way down the empty road of sleeping neighbors, and Ezra trailed behind quietly. Too quietly.

“It’s ironic,” Ezra said. “We meet again here.”

“What do you mean?”

Ezra scoffed, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “If you can’t remember, it’s okay.”

Ravyn stopped. 

He narrowed his eyes, gazing intently at her until it softened like petals. “We met here.” He forced a tight-lip smile.

Ravyn straightened, then took in her surroundings: the cookie-cutter brick homes that alternated between red and brown, the crisp lawns, the gnats that buzzed in small clouds of faded white, and the winding pathway where the creek followed alongside. How had she not recognized her hometown?

Back then, Ravyn snuck out of the house in the morning to avoid Narcissa, who wouldn’t stop bringing up the topic of Ravyn dropping out of school to begin her training as a sentry. Graduation had been an impending doom until Ravyn lost her freedom. 

One day, the only day she forgot her headphones, Ravyn meandered on this asphalt pathway. Doves cooed in the morning light as cars whistled ten miles over the speed limit when Ezra appeared. Her eyes drifted to his broad back as he stared at the ground more than looking ahead. When they reached the entrance of the school, he faced her. “Want to walk home together?”

That simple question led to a thousand smiles and laughters, secret kisses and embraces, all on this pathway.

Time truly didn’t wait for anyone, not even for her and Ezra.

Ravyn said, “This place hasn’t changed a bit.”

“Yeah.” Ezra kicked a pebble down the path. “So, you became a sentry… How come you’re not in uniform?”

“I hate uniforms.”

“I remember, and all the warnings principal Snob-Face gave you.”

Their chuckle intertwined together like tunes destined for each other, until an awkwardness settled between them. Ravyn wanted to know if he attended the university they had planned to attend together. Did he find someone…else? Had time changed them, or were they the same people but older?

“I didn’t become a Sentry by choice.” Ravyn couldn’t meet his eyes. “Narcissa, my step-mother—”

“I remember who she is,” Ezra remarked coldly.

“Right… She said not enough people enlist, so if I joined, we would get more benefits.”

He said cruelly, “You always did obey Narcissa’s orders. Nothing’s changed there.”

What’s that supposed to mean? Ravyn stopped him with her scythe, the blade glinting under the moonlight. Words of thunder sat upon her tongue, every curse she’s wanted to strike him with since he ghosted her. Broke her. Where was he when her comrades beat the shit out of her? When she ended up in the hospital after brutal fights with demons? She said, “I only had her.”

Ezra said harshly, “You had me.”

“But you left!” Ravyn’s voice cracked. “Where were you the last nine years, huh? Not even a text to say goodbye—I’m not doing this. Screw you and the wonderful life you had, Ezra.” She continued onward, and he followed quickly.

“Do you think graduating from university sets you up for success?” Ezra scoffed. “Everyday I’m sending out hundreds of resumes and getting either scammed or rejected. So I’ve been stuck at a shitty minimum wage job.” He groaned in frustration. “My life has been worthless.”

An arch doorway appeared, with a gas lantern at the crest glowing dimly. They walked ever so slowly on the asphalt pathway to their end. The doors to the Beyond would separate them eternally. Ravyn further slowed her pace more and more as the daunting reality pressed heavily against her chest. Ezra, however, kept his pace, as if not caring that they’ll never breathe the same air again.

Would this argument be their last words? Could she part with him, again?

“Wait,” Ravyn uttered.

Ezra kept walking, leaving her behind on the path. His silver chain necklace gleamed under the lantern. One more step and he’d be gone.

“Wait!” She grabbed his sleeve.

He ripped his arm away. His wallet fell from his pocket, and a silver band rolled out. Ezra darted for it until Ravyn swung her scythe, the tip of the blade picking up the ring swiftly. She caught it in her palm. 

Her heart sank and sank.

“You kept my ring,” Ravyn whispered. The ring they had bought before graduation.

Ezra went stone-still.

She locked eyes with him. “Why do you have this?” Fire and heartache overwhelmed her. They had promised with this ring to get married, buy a car, a house, adopt cats—it was their dream.

“Because I still wanted—” Ezra covered his eyes. “Oh god. It’s too late.” He buried his face in his hands and collapsed to his knees. 

Ravyn’s scythe clattered on the ground, returning into snowflakes and melting into the earth. She pulled Ezra’s hand and embraced him. The scent of soap barely concealed the heedy remnants of weed lingering on his sweater. Chills spilled over her body like glacial water, and she held him tighter. Ravyn’s mouth skimmed his cold neck that left the sense of frost on her lips.

“Everything should’ve been different,” Ezra said. “I’m so stupid.”

Ravyn buried her face in the shadowy nook of his shoulder and neck. “No, it’s my fault.” Had she been brave to fight Narcissa, their future could’ve been what they had dreamed of as teenagers.

Ezra brushed his icy fingertips down her jawline until he held her chin, forcing their eyes to gaze into each other. Between them, memories she had buried of their rebellious adventures in high school resurfaced like a dead body found in a river: the math classes they had skipped to hang out at the coffeehouse down the street; the long zig-zag pathway they trekked upon on their way home; the sweet smoke from his vape that caressed her cheek when he’d lean in for a peck. His lungs might’ve been as black as night, but his heart was morning sunlight on an oak tree. Where had the sands of time slipped away between them? Was it really too late?

The doors to the Beyond creaked open.

“I… I wasn’t enough for you.” Ezra’s tears were tiny rainbow prisms that glistened under the lantern.

Nine years, nine months, and nine days they had been apart, but the red string of fate connecting their souls never severed. Narcissa once pronounced high school romances fleeting like price tags on clearance products. But she was wrong.

Ravyn tucked a stray curl behind his ear, then cupped his face growing colder as their time diminished. “Ezra,” she whispered across his wet cheeks. “You’ve always been enough.”

Ezra shook, his tears slipping faster down her knuckles. “It’s my fault. I wasted so much time—” He covered his mouth, suppressing his sobs, but the sound sent deep fractures in Ravyn’s heart. She barely breathed, a thread from shattering.

Everyone left their hometown at one point in their lives: explore the world and find their forever home. Ravyn had traveled roads, cities, and countries, guiding lost souls into the Beyond, leading them to a new home in the afterlife. But Ezra would not find that there without her. 

Ravyn slipped the ring on her finger. They interlocked their fingers like the water in the creek coalescing over the timeless rocks. She said, “Where you go, I go.”

They glanced at the darkness past the doors of the Beyond. Ezra’s gentle words brushed along her lips. “Are you sure?” 

“Yes.” Their kiss, soft and wet and right, reunited their souls. 

They stepped off their pathway and through the doors. They would enter Rebirth and live the life they should’ve had together.

. . .

Would I recommend falling in love in high school? You must. It is a rite of passage. Would I recommend fighting to stay with your high school sweetheart into adulthood? Yes. Home isn’t always a place, it’s the one you love.