*TW*: Death. I have tried to handle this topic so gently. I know TW's don't always work but please don't read it if it does trigger you.

It was still snowing in Mordovia. Kendra stared out the window, close to tears. She hated it. She'd have to spend another year here, she wiped the tears from her eyes swiftly and looked back to the bed. Keagan was asleep, so she weighed the chances of opening up to him, leaving him here, or waking him up. Either way, he'd be angry. She shouldn't have cried, now she'd have a migraine for the whole day and an emotional load once he awoke. Few days were like this, she thought, as she walked to the shower. By few days, she meant once a year. Once a year, she woke up with a heavy heart. Once a year she had to feel the pain, grief, and sorrow that loss gave to her. Once again she'd relive that day.

January 15, 2020, in Mordovia

"Mama! Look! The snow, it's almost snowing! We're gonna make snow angles!"

"You mean, snow angels, Kendra." Corrected Carolyn.

"Carol, it doesn't matter. We get to touch the snow, now." Ken shouted from his room.

"Nistavia, trinina."

"Dad's saying come guys!" Carolyn translated.

We all sat down.

"Yishtava kundava MTOR limsta kunana. So, nefefea snow rika."

Mama broke in, "The MTOR's are still here, so we need to be careful, we may not see the snow for awhile possibly not this year."

Kendra and Ken started crying. Mama hugged them,

"We'll see what we can do."

"Mom, why didn't we stay in America we would've seen there!!!" Kendra wailed.

Mama sighed, "Let's go out now if the coast is clear."

Carolyn looked out of the window, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Kedra and Ken want to, let's go!"

"Thank you, Mommy!"

"You're welcome! Is the coast clear, Carol?"

"For now, I guess."


Walking out the door, with the kids running and squealing falling to the ground and making snow angels.

Kendra sat up seeing men with guns walking toward them.


Mama looked straight ahead; horror overtook her face.

“Get in Kendra and don’t come out until those men tell you too. Yisimama nijo leta sime tristini ur gristavi. Now go!”

They all ran into the house as the soldiers approached.

They left a crack of the door open. Kendra and Ken looked out and Caroline through the window.

“Nestivi reesajav komelela?”

“Ginanana yusoko tristanidi.”

“Tomanyaga tishi homedown?”


“Ninshi arestini na kuvudra ni lawni!”

They took her away.

January 18, 2020

After the brief period of nagging questions, Carolyn lashed out,

“They took her!!!! She’s in prison, okay? Nobody can bring her back. Okay? There was a lockdown we didn’t know about because non of us are above 18 we weren’t arrested. BUT SHE WAS. It’s your fault, you nagging brats!”

The children looked at her in surprise and then anger, then sadness. They turned back to their room and cried themselves to sleep.

January 30, 2020

Dad walked out of the house, unaware that Carolyn followed him, who was also unaware that Kendra was watching. She loved her Mother so much and was the closest to her. So if they were going to see her, so would she. At the city center, Carolyn looked in front where her father had come to a halt. She had a bad feeling about this. Kendra saw her mother in chains, walking to the center. ‘What were they doing to her?’

She sa the guards that surrounded her Mother freeze. She couldn’t take it anymore and run up to her mother desperately trying to push the arms of the guard away. But they were firm.

 The realization took over.

“No!!!” She screamed.

“Yisimama nijo leta sime tristini ur gristavi.” Her mother whisper shouted, her voice breaking. Tears rolling down her face.

The water turned cold as she heard the gunshot for the 27th time. The shvering began.

She stood up hitting her head against the tap. The mental hammer hit her head harder. Then she heard banging at the door.

“Coming!” She shouted.

Dressing up quickly, wiping her tears as well as the frown on her face she stepped out.


“What was taking you so long!”

She decided to avoid the question.

“I can make you breakfast before I leave. What would you like?”

“Go where? I need, Quiche.”

“A memorial service.”

Keagan entered the kitchen only then did he notice that she was in a black turtleneck dress and black pointe shoes.

Nevertheless, “Have you grown fat?”

Kendra let out a sigh, “I cooked the quiche last night, you’ll eat that. If I’m back I’ll cook dinner.”

“I’m gonna need lunch. What time will you be back? I have an appearance to make at 19:00 so be here before then.”

She lost her patience: “I am not your slave, okay? And yet I work for you, I go to work, I don’t eat from your money. Can I have one day, one day, to myself. Because for your information, my mother was executed in front of me today. At six. And you don't have any idea how much that broke me!” She spun out of the house slamming the door, her Father and Sister’s screams filling her mind.

“Get out, Get out, Get out!!!” She screamed.

At The Memorial

She danced her shoes off. Pointe shoes were not appropriate for the weather but she couldn’t face that house again. She channeled her anger, and her sadness dancing to her Mother’s favorite pop song: Wrong Direction- Hailee Steinfield

Her Mother always squealed in excitement when she saw her in ballet shoes and a tutu. She had to give it back.


She hugged her Father and burst into tears.

"Ashani jjofo, Kendra." He said, in his set of tears and Mordovian accent: "Calm down."

She finally opened her eyes and spotted Carol and Ava.

Kendra replayed the words, Carol had said to her.

She uncurled herself from her Father and walked to Carol, waving Ava to her Grandpa.

Carolyn nodded to her: "Yes?"

"When Mama died her last words were: 'Yisimama nijo leta sime tristina ur gristavi.' It means:.."

"Whatever happens, bring me flowers, baby girl. Make me proud."

Carolyn finished.

"Carolyn, as much as I don't want to do this. I need to. That was Mom's will, your words, 12 days before she was executed, prevented me from fulfilling it. Your words wreaked havoc. They destroyed me, and that gave me no purpose, they made me allow to be mistreated." Her voice broke, one tear falling, "She gave her life for her country, not just us, your words, they... they... killed our only brother. They've killed me, too. They've killed me enough." She walked away.

20 minutes later

Aware that Carolyn was following her, she walked onwards... and came to a halt. The river had frozen, blue: her favorite color. Screams filled ears for the last time as she slowly stepped onto the ice.

'Bring me Flowers, Carol.'

January 21, 2021 12:27

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00:37 Jan 30, 2021

Loved this! Great job Lily!


06:44 Jan 30, 2021

AW, thanks Amber! (I'll use the pen name)


16:09 Feb 17, 2021

:) hi lily, just wanted to ask how you're doing


17:13 Feb 18, 2021

U are so thoughtful :) I'm good a bit stressed, but fine. How are U?


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