Crash Landing

Astronauts Rick Meyers and Janet Nardo we’re gazing at the sea. They both loved the beach, but this was no ordinary one. They had crash landed on Kepler 22b, over 600 light years from their home planet Earth. And they were the first human beings to be looking at this planet, the real thing, not just a photo or a schematic diagram.

“What’s the matter, Rick, are you chicken?”

“What’s the matter, Nardo, are you twelve?”

She took her eyes off the bizarre ocean to gaze more clearly at him. Ignoring the insult, she asked: “Why Is it I call you by your first name, but you always call me ‘Nardo’?”

Rick shrugged. “Dunno. I guess it’s a habit. You look like a ‘Nardo.’”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“ Oh, for goodness sake! It means nothing, Nardo. Here, let me say your first name. Janet, Janet, Janet! Feel better, now?”

She made a sour face. “How could anyone feel better with the likes of you to deal with?” Especially since, it’s because of you that...

“ I don’t want to hear it again, Nardo. It wouldn’t have happened if you...

Just then, a wave, black with iridescent purple speckles, lapped at their feet. Good thing they were wearing protective boots.

“ Well, somebody’s got to get specimens. It might as well be you, Rick.”

“It might as well be you, Rick,” he mocked.

“Now, who’s twelve? Anyway, you should be the first one in there, since it was you who caused us to crash land on this beach.

Rick didn’t bother to argue the point. He adjusted his diving mask, and waded into the alien water. He took with him the high- tech net- meter earmarked for taking samples. After about fifteen minutes in the drink, he came up with all kinds of weird things, which the net- meter automatically measured and catalogued. The net closed securely around them, so they couldn’t escape.

Rick was anxious to show Janet his loot. He almost panicJed when he didn’t see her at first, but, sure enough, she showed up a few minutes later, coming out of the ocean with her own trophies.

“Well, Nardo, it seems like you finally braved the depths, too.”

“Yeah, Rick. I was thinking of going to the local cafe for a burger and fries, but changed my mind at the last second.”

“Ha- ha! Let’s see what you got.”

They compared their respective catches of weird, snakey- looking creatures.

“Too bad they have to die.”

Rick sighed and stared into the middle distance.

“What’s eating you?”

“I was thinking, Nardo. That’ll probably happen to us, too.”

“ Because of you, Rick! We could have been halfway home by now if you hadn’t made such a dunderheaded blunder! As the pilot on this mission, you should have known that you have to turn the main control to the left when approaching warp speed!”

“Well, you could have told me: ‘Rick, we’re approaching warp speed!’ Was that too much to ask?”

“Couldn’t you read the control panel? Besides, you know I was busy in the lab area, studying samples discovered on the previous mission!”

Rick softened, “Don’t worry, Nardo. Another spaceship is coming for us in a week.”

”We hope.” She sighed.

“ Well, I suppose we can try to get along while we’re here.”

“I guess. What’s for grub?”

“Very funny! Same as always, unfortunately.” He took a packet of a military- style Ready to Eat meal from his side pocket, and they shared it, wishing they could be eating anything else.

“Hey, Nardo, if we run out of this shit, we have an ocean full of seafood right here.”

Janet shivered. “Ugh! The very thought makes me want to vomit.”

Rick laughed.

It began to grow dark, and the wind picked up. The sand swirled around them, and it would sting like crazy if they remained outdoors. They scrambled into their circular tent. It wasn’t an ordinary one, though, because it was technologically fitted. In other words, a “smart tent.”

Janet got into her sleeping bag.

“Going to bed so soon?”

“I’m gonna read. You?”

“Same here.” Rick pulled up his sleeping bag. They both took

out their reading devices, and quiet ensued. After a while, Janet tapped her side of the wall, and the light on her side was extinguished.

“Ha- ha. Oh, no! I can’t believe it! Har! Heh- heh- heh! He’s gonna get knocked off! This is hilarious!”

She tapped her light on again. “Rick! What the hell are you doing? I’m trying to sleep! We’ve got lots of work tomorrow!”

“Oh, hush, grandma. We could do this work in our sleep. It’s always the same, anyway.”

“Yeah, That’s why we’re here, and we’ll be here till at least next week. You couldn’t even follow the simple instruction to turn the main control to the left!”

“That again! Don’t you ever stop nagging?”

“My belly is half- empty and I’m getting a headache. I might feel better if I get some sleep. What were you laughing at?”

“ The story I was reading. It’s about a man who’s exploring the jungle, and he gets carried away by a herd of rhinoceroses.” He considered. “Or is it rhinoceri?"

"It's 'tap your wall and go to sleep, before I come over and do it for you'!"

"Jeez! Ok, Nardo. Your wish is my command." He tapped his wall, and all went dark and quiet.

WRRR-BREEP-MMMM-ZEEP-BRRRR!

"I said, turn that thing off! What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with you, Nardo? I'm not making a sound."

"Then what's that awful noise?"

They both turned on their wall lights and sat up in their sleeping bags. The crazy noises got louder and louder, and Janet moved closer to Rick.

"Scared, Nardo?"

"No more than you are, Meyers."

"What happened to 'Rick'?"

"What happened to 'Janet'?"

He laughed. "Touche." " Janet."

"Seriously, though. What in the world is going on out there?"

"If I didn't know any better, I'd swear that it was a spaceship landing."

" What are we waiting for. Let's go to the VW!"

They both slid out of their sleeping bags, and went to the front wall. Rick tapped it twice, and it turned into a Virtual Window, better known as VW. The VW depicted clearly what was outside their tent, without actually going there.

"It can't be!

"But it is!"

A saucer- shaped spaceship was just landing on the beach. The noises ceased, and an astronaut emerged. He spoke into his Verbalizer.

"Astronaut Jeremy Ansel here, requesting entry."

Janet opened the hatch, and Astronaut Jeremy entered.

"Jeremy! I can't believe you're here! I thought the spaceship wasn't coming for another week!"

"Well, the weather at NASA headquarters is better this week than what's forecast for next, so they moved the launch up."

"And it's only you?"

"No, Morgan is here, too, but he stayed on board. I'll be piloting, though.Ready to go?"

They both hugged Jeremy before donning their formal space suits.

"So, Jeremy, I'm relieved you're the pilot. Rick is the one who got us in this predicament in the first place. We had to crash land on this godforsaken beach because...

"Is that all you can do, Nardo? Complain? I realize I was supposed to...

"Ok you two. Don't argue.Just take any samples you found, abd let's get going."

"That's the best idea I've heard in a long time! Now, where are those specimens, Rick?"

"You were supposed to secure them, Nardo!"

"No, you were, Rick! Can't you do anything right?"

Jeremy chimed in. "Guys, we have to leave now, or there won't be enough fuel to get us home. As you know, it's quite a trip from here. Forget the specimens.

Rick sighed. "Ok. After you, Nardo."

"Only if you call me by my first name.”

“After you, Janet.”

The three astronauts entered the spaceship, on their way home from planet Kepler 22b. Janet and Rick relaxed, knowing they were in good hands. As long as Astronaut Jeremy Ansel remembered to turn the main control to the left once they approached warp speed.