If Only Love Was Enough

"Get in the car, I can tell we both need this." Michael says as he looks over at the girl he loved and could see her mind was too much for her tonight.

Alyse nodded her head and reached over grabbing her favorite hoodie of his. Anytime the demons in their head got too loud they would go on a car ride. They always said late night car rides were their therapy sessions. They would take turns picking a song, with the windows down so they could feel the fresh air on their skin. Between each song selection they would share a small piece of what was running through their mind. There was something about the moonlight and backroads that made it easier to share the chaos that kept them up at night. 

She knew that she needed this, but this was a different kind of car ride. She knew that this was the last late-night car ride they will be taking together.  The past two months have not been great for them. After nine years of chasing each other just for it to crash and burn they were finally able to have a fair chance at being together, or so they thought. Four months ago, they reconnected and were determined to make this time work. The first two months were great, full of passion, excitement and love but one day they woke up and things weren’t the same. They both could feel it but neither would admit it. 

Michael turns onto their favorite road, it was a backroad lined with beautiful oak trees along with many curves that added to the dimension of the view. At the end of the road was a dead end that overlooked a river. They always ended their drive by stopping at the water and admiring the stars that lit the sky. Michael gets to the end of the road and puts the car in park. He takes a deep breath and reclines his seat back. Alyse lays her head out the window so she could feel the crisp air with a perfect view of the stars. 

“I just don’t understand why it has to be this way.” Alyse says holding back tears not taking her eyes off the subtly lit sky.

“Sometimes love just isn’t enough I guess” Michael says staring at the steering wheel trying not to acknowledge the brokenness inside the eyes of the only girl he’s ever loved.

“But it should be. Love shared between two people should be enough to keep them together. If it’s not, then what is all this for? What is the point?” 

“I don’t know hun but obviously after nine years of something getting in our way, I can’t help but think this is the universes sick way of telling us it doesn’t want us together.”

“so that’s it? After all that we have been through we’re just going to shrug our shoulders and walk away?” 

“I don’t know Alyse, our lives never align. You have your shit, and I have mine and somehow one or the other always gets in the way.” 

Alyse knew he was right. She couldn’t say it, she wasn’t ready to taste those words herself but she knew that he was right. She never understood why something always stopped them from being together. He has seen into the deepest parts of her soul, he understands her more than she even understands herself. How is he not the one the universe wants her with?

They continue to sit and stare out the window until a song came on the radio that caused both of their hearts to drop into their stomachs. It was the song he sent to her the very first time they tried to be together back in high school. It was his song to her. Alyse reaches over and turns the radio off. 

“Michael, I love you. I think I will always love you. But we need to break this cycle. I was hoping we would break it by being together but it seems that is just a dream I can no longer hold onto.”

“Alyse, what are you saying? I don’t want to lose you. we can always be friends.”

“Michael, I can’t be your friend. Thinking of living my life without you makes my heart ache but I know that watching you continue your life with someone else with not only ache but shatter my heart completely. I will always wish the best for you but I can’t be there to watch it.” 

Deep down Alyse knew this was going to happen. she delayed this conversation though because she wanted to hold onto what they had for as long as she could. However Something about the distance in his voice and that song playing gave her the courage she needed to have this conversation.

“I understand.” Michael says lighting a cigarette. 

“That’s it? That is all you have to say?”

“What do you want me to say Alyse?”

“Something more than that Michael are you kidding? Don’t shut me out, you always do that and it ends up making the situation harder every time.”

“I am about to lose the other half of my soul. The only girl that I’ve truly loved. I am damaged, I never viewed myself as anything more than that before you. Why can’t all of this just workout. Why does the world fear us being together”

“I don’t know sweet boy, I don’t know”

The car fills with silence. They both knew this was the right decision but that didn’t make it hurt any less. Their story was full of different emotions, drama, lies and heartache, but it was also full of love, understanding, laughs and sweet memories. Their story was coming to an end but they continued to stare into the sky admiring the stars hoping one would be a shooting star that they could wish upon. 

He was a damaged boy with a soul that painted her skies beautiful shades of violets and blues. She was a broken girl with a heart that helped him see love was warm and gentle not cold and harsh. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t enough to continue their story.