PREM  HAUNTED BY LOVE 

      He reached the hostel to prepare for the second-year MA Examination, which he could not write last year due to his unfortunate disease. While available in his home, he occasionally thought about Kamala and seriously preparing for his examination. After reaching the hostel and roaming around the University surroundings—Library, Hotels, and parks, Kamala's Memories started haunting him like a ghost-haunted abandoned bungalow! Though he tried his best to forget Kamala, for the time being, to prepare for his examination, he failed miserably.

   One of his friends, Palani, an English literature student, also stayed with him to write the MA English final year examination.

      One day, Palani told Prem that he got up the previous night and shouted like a ghost-frightened child, stating, “Don't forget Kamala, don't forget. I will join you after my treatment. Believe me.”

    “Tell me who is Kamala?”

    “Don't ask me today; I will tell you sometime later,” Prem said.

     Days moved on.

                                     *********

    One morning.

     Both Palani and Prem went to the mess for morning tea.

     Palani said, " The previous night, again you got up and shouted, “Please, Kamala, don't forget me. You are my life. Believe me. I will marry you after completing my examination and getting a decent job. Yes, I will get a Lecturer post in a college.”

       Prem turned a deaf ear. They drank tea and returned to the room. Started the morning routines. Palani went to the bathroom to take a bath.

     Suddenly, Kamala’s memories haunted Prem’s mind like tsunami waves and greatly disturbed him. He could not think of preparation for the examination. So, he curled on the bed, embracing the thoughts of Kamala.

   Returning after his bath, Palani saw Prem lying down on his bed.

     “ Prem, Prem, what happened?”

      “I'm sorry, Mr Palani. Today, I am deeply haunted by Kamala's thoughts. I could not forget the memorable incidents that happened to me during my second year.

       “Please let me know about Kamala, probably your girlfriend.”

     “100% correct, Mr Palani. Let me share my love with Kamala so that my burden can be off-loaded to some extent; otherwise, I will become mad because of the haunting memories of Kamala.”

    Prem started telling his fate-killed love story.

     “I and Kamala were classmates in the first year of MA in Tamil literature. There were twenty-five students, with five women students. Professor Ka Su Mani taught Sangam literature, regarded as the greatest among ancient Tamil literature. He taught love scenes from it excellently and delightfully. His explanations about the love affairs of a girl and boy would mesmerise one to fall in love. I was no exception. To me, Kamala was a striking beauty.

     I loved Kamala at first sight! I started dreaming about her day by day. “But how to express the feelings of my love,” I wondered. And I waited for a favourable opportunity to reveal it. It came as a cultural programme to be performed by both the first-year and second-year students. Only a handful of male and female students gathered to arrange it. You know, I am an outstanding singer, was one of the male students in the group, while Kamala was forced to join by her friend Poornima.

       Cultural programme arrangements occurred for a week before the cultural show date. I sang a perfect love song, which was well appreciated by all the students who attended the rehearsal. Somehow, I could not reveal my love to Kamala and felt despondent.

         As planned, the cultural programme was organised very impressively, and the highlight of the programme was the song sung by me, which the professors appreciated, students of the first year and second year, and all gathered in the auditorium. While delivering his presidential address, Professor Ka Su Mani greatly appreciated my song, and I was incredibly pleased to hear it. After the function, every first-year and second-year student gathered around me like honeybees in a newly blossomed flower and congratulated me for the melodious love song I sang. I was on cloud nine and thought this would impress Kamala to fall in love with me.

                                               *****

       It was the second year for the 1972-73 batch students I and Kamala were there.

            I didn't know there was an essay competition for first-year and second-year students during my first year. Later, I learned only when Kamala was awarded the first prize, and the title was ‘Flowers in Tamil Literature.’

           It was a shock for me since when the male students outnumbered the female students, how could we allow her to get the first prize? And knowledge of jealousy haunted my mind. Immediately that day, I decided to compete in the essay competition that year, determined to get first prize. So, I saw the notice board daily to find out the notice of the essay competition. As usual, I saw the notice board one day and was out of the world seeing the essay competition notification. Decided earnestly to participate with the title ‘Vandu in Tamil literature’ and to win the first prize.

         “ It is a challenge, okay?” I murmured happily with unshakable self-confidence. I started collecting information by referring from the Sangam age to modern age literature from the library books whenever I could find the time. I entirely devoted my leisure time to it. ‘This time, I should get it,’ I kept reiterating these words like seers saying hymns in their temple prayer.

       There are several names with a common name, vandu. Within a week, I found at least thirty-two names for Vandu. I identified new names and became so happy scientists had invented something new!

        While searching for new names for vandu, I collected excellent scenes of flowers and vandus. The relationship between the flowers, the vandus, the honeybees, and any insect sucking honey from flowers is inseparable.

       Slowly, the number of papers piled up with collected information from various books. I had to arrange and edit the collected information in two significant sub-titles. 1. The names of Vandu. 2. The scenes of vandus with flowers are narrated by the poets.

          It was a wonderful collection of names of vandu, with beautiful scenes of flowers. Knowing this information collection, my classmates  Nalangilli and Arunan nicknamed me ‘Vandu,’ which I proudly acknowledged! As Vandus collected honey from various flowers, I collected information about Vadus from various books, with an untiring effort wholeheartedly and happily. I spent many hours in the library on holidays, Saturdays, and Sundays, collecting various books to discover the new names of vandu and new scenes. Whenever I found a new name for the vandu, I felt like an astronomer found a new celestial object in the sky. Slowly, knowledge jealousy over Kamala changed to a thirst for knowledge, which gave me immeasurable joy every day. Also influenced my love for Kamala. When I read a vandu revolving around a newly blossomed flower, I felt like I were around Kamala.; when a butterfly was sucking honey from a flower, I felt I was sucking her lips. To me, leisure time means vandu, and vandu means leisure time. I used my single second of leisure time in the best way for my Vandu project! While reading more and more about vandu and flowers, I felt I was more and more with Kamala, and her thoughts haunted me.

         My essay on Vandu was completed excellently with my devotion and hard work. When I submitted it to the professor in charge of the competition, he glanced through the pages and closed; decidedly, he stated, “Excellent. You deserve to get  first prize.”

         “Thank you, sir, for giving such great appreciation, meritorious and deserving comments,” I said.

                                             ***

          One Sunday afternoon, I dressed best with my excellent pants and shirt. Since there was no mirror, I looked at myself several times by bending down my neck and felt okay. While walking on the road, my heart was filled with the smiling face of Kamala. I could not walk properly and walked like a drunken man. Yes, the thoughts of Kamala haunted me. My mind imagined so many things about her: the way she would come to the main gate of the ladies’ hostel, shyness in his face, rippling smile, mesmerising eyes…………. I was rehearsing his fictitious questions and planning to make them real when I asked her, determined not to tremble, should not hesitate to speak when she reached him near the hostel gate …… my thinking escalated manifold, and happiness overwhelmed me. Now I started speaking to myself; I became mad with my behaviour, but only I know and no one else!

       Reached the hostel. Informed the domestic worker to inform Kamala that Prem wanted to meet her. After about five minutes, she had come. As expected, she came alone. I could see the shyness on her face with glowing eyes.

     “Hello Kamala”

     “It is a surprise. What for you are here.”

     “I have come to ask some doubts in particular…...” I paused.

      “What doubts? In which Subject? ”

      Though I planned many things to talk to her, my lips dried up quickly, and my words stopped. ; legs trembled. I struggled to speak. Somehow, I managed to speak despite the situation. The scarcity of words.

       She, too, understood, but she did not show her inclination.

       “About poetry? ” she said.

       She realised as she too became nervous.

       As I became nervous, I decided to get back at the earliest. I could not speak further, so she asked, “whether you wanted anything regarding the essay competition, as I understood you are making the best efforts to get the first prize.”

     “Yes, yes,” lips spoke, but face reflected it was a lie.

     “What do you want? ”

      “You had already authored an essay on ‘Flowers in Tamil literature’ and got first prize. Since flowers and vandu are inseparable partners, I am writing about vandu. If you give me the notes you had taken for preparing ‘Flowers in Tamil Literature,’ I may get some useful information about vandu for my essay, if you wish. ”

      “With pleasure, why not? Right now. ”

      “No, no; not urgent. Even tomorrow, you can give it in the class.”

     “Because you may not trouble yourself to come to the hostel.”

    “That means you don’t like my coming here,” I said politely in a muffled voice.

     “No, not at all.”

    “That means, can I say you like my coming.”

    “No ………” she became blushed.

    “I am sorry.”

     “What for? ”

     “Made you feel shy, but you look pretty good when you feel shy,” I managed to say with an unexplainable happy mind.

    “Ok, let me go to bring the notes.”

    “I will come and collect some other day.”

    “Want to come again? ”

    “If you are unhappy about my coming, I will not come. ”

    “No”

    “Happy?”

    “Yes, but……….”

    “OK, goodbye. Have an enjoyable day.”

    “You too,” said she, slowly waving her hands after a few steps. She walked swiftly and disappeared but appeared on my thought screen. I was out of the world and awestruck!

                                                  ***

        After returning from the hostel, I narrated the whole incident to my close friend Siva, and he fanned my love feelings. I became once again nervous, thinking about my love.

       Pure love has no expectations-- no dowry, no caste, and no beauty, as beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Love is pure, where two hearts are united only due to love and want to marry to lead a happy life. Nothing more. But, sometimes, fate played a vital role in separating them. Unfortunate.

        In my love story also, fate played a vital role in separating us. Unfortunately, I was affected by pleurisy lung disease during the preparatory holidays for the MA final examination in April last year. As most of my friends were seriously preparing for the examination, none could accompany me to the hospitals or clinics, though I was continuously coughing and vomiting. It was a miserable situation, as my roommate could not accompany me to the hospital, as he had to prepare for his examinations, a crucial point in his life!

.     I went alone and consulted the doctor, who treated me for a cold and cough. He assured him that once the cough and cold subsided with the tablets he prescribed, the vomiting would be stopped at once. I returned with tablets to the hostel, hoping it would be all right and I could write the examination. Despite the suffering, I started reading, hoping to be relieved from the cough and vomiting. However, I struggled to read lessons as the cough and vomiting did not stop.

        As the examinations were approaching, I became impatient and consulted another doctor. I had shown the prescriptions, medicines, and diagnosis report. Though I was on medication for a week, as the cough and vomiting did not stop to date, he advised me to take an X-ray immediately to find out the reason, with suspicion of infected lungs. As suspected, the doctor said, “The X-ray revealed I was affected by pleurisy, where water accumulated in my lungs. Because of that, I could not breathe properly; the cough and vomiting continued. The remedy is to remove the water from the lungs immediately,” the doctor said. “Now, go back to the hostel and get a bus or train to go to your native place today and admit yourself in the Mahatma Gandhi Government General Hospital, Tiruchirappalli tomorrow for treatment of pleural effusions.”

           But I pleaded with the doctor, saying, “Sir, please give me tablets to stop coughing and vomiting temporarily. So that I could finish the examination and then be admitted to the hospital for further treatment, as otherwise, I would lose the whole next year for appearing in the MA second-year examination.”

      Knowing the seriousness of my disease, the doctor said kindly but bluntly, “If you do not admit yourself to the hospital in a day or two to remove the water accumulated in the lungs, you will die; such is your condition. If you forgo one year, you can write the examination next year; if you die, you will never write your examination. Tell me which will be a wise and reasonable decision in this situation?”

       “Former is appropriate, doctor. Thank you very much for your timely advice. I am leaving now,” I said and came out with mixed despair and hope!

      I Panicked and was shocked. Hence, immediately decided to go to my native place near Trichy, cursing my luck, for treatment at the Trichy General Hospital. Tears brimmed in my eyes, thinking about my parents, who would receive me reaching home with a severe disease instead of happily receiving me after second-year examinations. Since it was a preparatory holiday for the first-year and second-year students, none came forward to accompany me. However, I took a server, Kasinathan, from the hostel to accompany me and reached home at midnight.

       After learning everything from Kasinathan, the parents were heartbroken and shocked. Gloom descended on the house. But my father was planning what to do next. All had sleepless night. The next day, early morning, he arranged a taxi from Thottiyam town, took me to Mahatma Gandhi General Hospital, Trichy and admitted me.

      Now, my thoughts about Kamla haunted my heart. I could bear the sufferings of my disease but could not bear the haunting memories of Kamala. I can't forget her-- the style of her walk when she came to the hostel gate, nicely spoken words, the blushed cheeks while she shied about my comments. And her appreciation and encouragement during the participation in cultural show rehearsals while singing my song.

                                          *******

       After 20 days, I became all right after the treatment and was discharged.

     After a few days, remembering my bad days in the hostel before departing from there, I started weeping, realising my situation and thanked God, and the doctors saved me both in Chidambaram and Trichy. Somehow, I could not think about anything other than to study well for a few days for my second-year MA examination to be held next year in April or May.

But again, the love affair incidents of Kamala haunted me. As you know, I'm here to prepare for my Second-year MA examination.

     Palani pitied his haunting thoughts of Kamala, and he could not escape Kamala’s obsession.

                                           ***** ***

     One day, Palani took Prem to the nearby clinics as he suffered from a cold and fever. One of Palani’s friends asked what had happened to Prem. Then, Palani explained the problem of haunting thoughts of Kamala, his girlfriend.

     Because of her separation, he is suffering from the thoughts of Kamala. On several occasions at night, he got up and shouted about Kamala’s love affairs. He could not come out of the haunting thoughts of Kamala. Let me tell you the pathetic incidents that happened after reaching here:

       One afternoon, he went to the lakeside to read his lessons as usual. He was hallucinating about Kamala. He could have fallen into the lake, where water brimming up to the Tank Bund, had the students around not noticed him on time. One of the students asked him what happened. He replied that his girlfriend Kamala was calling him inside the lake.

       Realising his problem, the students took him out of the lake and put him to rest for some time on the Tank Bund. They could only see a dry coconut floating and the water where Prem was attempting to get in.

       In another incident, while he was going to the Ladies’ hostel, my friend asked him where he was going. He said he went to meet his classmate Kamala. Prem realised his haunting thoughts about Kamala lingering when he said she would have completed it last year and how he could meet her.

       “I pitied him. I only pray to God he should come out from the haunting thoughts of Kamala till he writes his examination,” Palani said in his melancholy tone.