Goodbye, Goodbye

Trigger Warning: Strong Language, Mental Health, Suicide

Day One:

No one ever did anything.

No one said a word.

Some people just don't care, I guess.

Day Two:

"Go, run for it."

"Bitch, break is about to end."

"Nothing for you then."

Day Three:

"You guys are never going to hit the ball if everyone is in the middle."

"Boo-hoo."

"Bitch, I said that to give your team a chance to win."

Day Four:

They knew so much.

They knew I was pansexual.

They knew I was genderfluid.

They knew.

Day Five:

"Why is she crying?"

Day Six:

"Are they okay?"

Day Seven:

"What happened to him?"

Day Eight:

"It's okay."

They never knew why I was crying, yet they had the nerve to tell me it was okay.

Day Nine:

In the end, we'll all go to Hell.

Humans are sinners.

Maybe some people have a chance at Heaven, but definitely not me.

I may have not done as many bad things as others, but I still haven't done enough good things to deserve anything above Hell.

Day Ten:

Redemption.

Maybe.

No, redemption is just a pipe dream.

It's something us pitiful humans made up to make ourselves feel better about death.

Day Eleven:

Do people really matter?

I mean, we're all sinners.

In practically every story you'll ever hear about sinners, they are bad people that go to Hell for all their evil deeds.

Since we are sinners, we are bad people.

We will go to Hell for all our evil deeds.

We will pay for what we have done.

Day Twelve:

If you think about it, other animals are the purest things out there.

Humans are animals too, but we are also monsters.

We destroy what gets in our way.

We ruin what we have and try to fix it as it slowly becomes too late.

Day Thirteen:

Death is actually quite beautiful if you think about it.

Death is beauty and beauty is death.

Day Fourteen:

I've been thinking since the eleventh day.

If we don't matter (as a collective of pathetic human beings), then a single being would matter even less.

Meaning that single being is me.

If we don't matter, then I don't matter.

Day Fifteen:

Ha.

This is really funny.

Day Sixteen:

Shit got shittier.

They said things.

I said things.

Words cannot be taken back.

Day Seventeen:

Damn.

So many people decided to leave me today.

Well, I just ruined my whole reputation.

Day Eighteen:

Okay.

I wouldn't want to hang out with myself either.

Day Nineteen:

I get it.

Everyone else is so lucky.

They can get away from me.

I'm stuck with me though.

I'm not lucky.

Day Twenty:

Oh no.

Not her.

Everyone but her.

She's the only one I ever actually cared about.

She gave me my life.

She gave me everything.

Now she's leaving me?

Day Twenty-one:

Why?

We were amazing together.

She and I had so much fun.

She would always be there for me.

She was my everything.

I was her everything.

Was.

Not anymore.

Day Twenty-three:

Why?

Why did she leave me?

Sure, I got in shit with them, but I thought she would understand.

I told her the truth.

I said what I needed to say.

I told her I loved her.

She loved me too.

I guess she doesn't now.

Day Twenty-three:

No.

Someone must have lied to her.

Right?

She must've been told the wrong thing.

Someone must have changed the story.

Maybe it was them.

Maybe.

Day Twenty-four:

It can't be.

She couldn't have left me on her own free will.

We were together for so long.

Day Twenty-five:

Fine.

I'll just have to live with this for the rest of my life.

Who knows how long that's going to last.

Day Twenty-six:

I guess.

She was kind of mean to me from time to time.

She didn't understand me when I needed her.

It was probably for the best.

Everyone had been telling me to end things anyway.

Day Twenty-seven:

Well then, fuck you.

I don't need him either.

He was my friend though.

We like the same things and everything.

Day Twenty-Eight:

Bitch.

They left too.

They never liked her though.

They did call me names.

Day Twenty-nine:

Fuck.

Now even my whole friend group has left me.

I was annoying, I know that.

I was always the one they had to take care of.

I get it.

Couldn't they have waited a few more days though?

Day Thirty:

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have wasted my time with those people.

They never like me.

I never liked them.

Why am I crying.

No, it's for the best.

I never should have even met everyone.

Day Thirty-one:

I really am sorry.

All that time.

So many years.

Wasted.

Day Thirty-two:

Please believe me.

If I knew this was going to happen then I would've stayed away.

I would've said no when they asked me if I wanted to leave.

I should've said no.

Those other horrible were better than this.

Day Thirty-three:

Why?

Life is so cruel.

I was just trying to make friends.

I was just trying to be a good person.

Well, I was never one to begin with.

Still, why do I only get one chance?

Everyone else seems to have other people to go to.

I'm always left alone.

I should've known.

Day Thirty-four:

So, this is it?

That's all there is to it?

Half a decade for nothing.

Completely and utterly nothing.

Everyone I thought I could trust turned their back on me.

They all left the moment things got bad.

I really should've known this would happen.

I'm cursed.

Not literally, but I feel like I am.

No matter where I go, no matter what I do, things always go wrong.

Something always happens.

Someone always says something.

I can never stop it.

Day Thirty-five:

Goodbye, Goodbye.

A noose was tightened.

A life was lost.

Day Forty:

There was a funeral for them a few days later.

Everyone that ever knew them came to the service.

They shared their favorite stories.

They shared their happy memories.

They prayed for them.

They cried for them.

Only to go home and laugh.

Only to go home with no regrets of what they did.

Only to go home and not care.

It was all an act.

After all, who would ever care about someone that never truly mattered?

Who would ever care about someone that only lived because they were alive?

Who would care?

No one.

No one did.

No one helped.

No one said anything.

Everyone kept quiet.

Everyone lied.

Everyone said they didn't know why they would ever end things.

No one ever cared for them.

Just one girl.

Yet that girl also turned her back on them.

All to stray away from becoming a target as well.

No Date Recorded:

I actually quite enjoyed my life.

It was fun.

All that suffering was fun.

It was.

It'll make an interesting story.

I liked what I did.

I did nothing to stop all the bad things in the world.

I'm glad I did nothing.

If I did something, then I would've never been able to be happy.

I was happy when I was sad.

I was happy.

I really was.

Was.