Cause I Pray Like That

I don’t know why I just remember about my young story is my parents always fighting. I don’t know why my memorie is like that even my mom told me my father never hit her. But in my memories he’s do it. What do you think? My memories is fault? Okay in my memories he’s didn’t hit my mother directly but always he’s throws things at my mom often. Because that commotion I always to pray they divoice even on my mom in pregnant. And I pray to in the mother womb is a woman because I don’t have friend to tell about all that. I have friends in my school but not close because I study hard so I often win in the class and teachers like me. Because we are from a poor family I study hard and have big dreams to my family. By the way I am very close and very pampered with my father because he pampers me so much. I remember even in middle school I still being carried. Not adult right? When I was young I love my father so much even when my friend ask who prefer u like? Mother or father? I answer is Father, because I like him so much, his my first love I think. Btw my father always work out of town because salary in my city is very small. When my mom pregnant my sister my father work abroad. But he’s still didn’t success. He’s come back and try work here but he’s fail so he try work out of town again. One time my mother have friend girl neighbors. That girl always invites my mother to go out and I don’t like that cause I think she brings bad influence. Than that’s make my parents fighting often. I don’t remember when my father ask me about my mom than I told yes cause that my father angry I think. When my father work out of town his having an affair, he’s divoice my mom and leave his childrens. I angry so much I broken hearts so much but I think that’s all my fault to because I say yes when he’s ask because I pray something like that. Honestly I regret to pray like that and so stupid to answer like that why I still child even in middle school. But I hate him so much because I trust him before I think he’s never leave me even he divoice my mom. He’s to say will not providr for us and send theri children to land. He’s like a devil right? But I think I’m little devil to.

and than when I adult and in college my mother invite me to find our father and ask for help with tuition fees, honestly I didn’t want cause I hate him so much now but I feel sorry for my mother so I do it. Finally we find him with he’s new wife new child and new he’s house, he’s have happy family so much right? Haha

and u know what? He admits to being single to his neighbors so funny. He’s say he never have my brother, me, and my sister. He’s just have he’s little son haha.

and u know what again? He’s give me 30$ for six years never meet. Fucking man.

even like that I still take that money because I need and my mother need to. Because I hate my father so much so I search boyfriend will not never cheat me. And I find him, his love me so much, he’s loyal, what I want he give. But sometimes he’s so protectif and time to time that weird. He doesn’t allow me to go out with my friends even just girls. He doesn’t allow me go out with my family to, that’s crazy right? But he love me so much and never cheating me not like my father. So I’m okay with that, I obey him do what he say and never go out with my friends again. Not boring? Offcourse I boring so much. Than one time I go out with my friends but didn’t tell him, and he know that. He’s angry so much even he’s snap me. He’s never do that to me before, why him change like that? Are u know? Because until now I didn’t know too why he change. I didn’t go out with my friends again after that, but I have coursework to musth do it with my group I try tell him but he doesn’t unders me. That’s make I stress so much, I love him but I hate his protective. I try breakheart with him, but he know how to make I back again with him. He know I didn’t have father so I didn’t have love to much, he give me love so much, he compare me, he treat me like a kid and I like that I feel miss him so much. But still he didn’t change di didn’t back to I first meet him, he’s protective and he’s rude. But in my memories I didn’t want have man like my father. I didn’t want man will cheating me like him, so I married with my boyfriend. But I couldn’t stand it because he always treated me harshly, slappef me, even punced me and used other violence. So I choice divoice to.

Maybe because I didn’t have father so he brave do something like that to me. And honestly until now I still think my father cheating my mother because me, my father divoice my mother because me, it’s all my fault. Because I can’t talk better, because I pray like that. I hope never kids do something like me, thingking it before say, don’t pray something bad even in bad situation so much, keep still pray something good. Until now this regret can’t lost in my mind, I still thinking that’s all my fault, maybe my mom must didn’t gave birth to me.