Mother’s Memories

So today is Mother's Day! Woo-Hoo, a day dedicated to just me. ME! ME! ME! ME! Me and my crazy maternal emotions that is! Mother's Day is a day to honor your Mom, but as a Mom myself, I found it to be a day to thank God for my own little blessings. As I end this Mother’s Day dropping tears in baskets of laundry, I will share my beautiful day with you.

My (now ex) husband had been out of town on business and sadly he was absent on this day that means so much more to me, more than any one man will ever know. Why will he never fully understand its significance? Because although he has been a great Dad, he is simply not a Mom. He has never felt those babies push their tiny feet against the belly from the inside nor against a full bladder while standing in public. He has never packed away a nursing bra and cried because that special bonding time is now gone. Despite my sadness of them growing so quickly, it is bittersweet, as my beautiful children gave me a fantastic day to remember.

I awoke this morning to a little voice gently calling; "Momma. Momma, I need you. Momma, I need Baw-Baw '' My Laney-bug's nickname for a sippy-cup of milk. As I stretched and opened my eyes that sweet little face framed with beautiful blonde curls became host to the most precious smile looking up to me. By the time I drug my tired body to the kitchen, Cassidy had woken up. She came bouncing in the kitchen in a t-shirt of Daddy’s, that she had slept in to help her feel closer to him while he was gone. "Mommy! Mommy! I can't wait any longer! I have to give you your gifts! Can I give you your gifts before Sunday School?" Before I could answer she continued, "Please say I can give them to you before Sunday School, I just can't wait until after!" Her pretty green eyes pierce my innermost soul, and makes it extremely difficult to tell her no. 

Since the husband had been out of town, Cassidy was very upset all week as to how she would manage to go shopping for me, without me. My stepdad, better known as Grampy, stepped in as the girls’ hero and rescued the day. He stopped by and picked the girls up a couple of days before to take them both shopping. He told me how Cassidy knew exactly what she wanted to get. She even had him read the back of the tags to verify size, no it wasn't clothes. Then they rushed back home with their special gifts for Momma and hid them in Cassi’s closet until today.

I was asked to go to the playroom, a room in the back of our house where my computer sat and of course mountains of toys; hence the title given to the playroom. Once my eyes were safely behind the closed-door; Cassidy and Laney pulled their treasures for me into the T.V. room. They carefully placed a light "fanket" as Laney calls it over the special tokens of their love. Then I heard the excited call; "Mommy! Momma! We're ready!" 

I was escorted into the T.V. room by two warm little hands and excited faces. Cassidy explained that I was to remove the blanket, but gently, to discover my gifts. As she was giving these instructions, Laney decided to assist me by unveiling the surprise herself. Once she did a magnificently, carefully placed array of gifts was sitting there. 

Cassidy knew I wanted some plants to shield our pool from the view of passersby’s, so she had picked out a lovely spruce. However, she was very careful to ensure that this new beautiful blind would not take over the yard. She had instructed Grampy to check the height of it first. "It's a small one!" She exclaimed proudly. She had picked out a dwarf spruce that only grows to five feet when fully matured. The thoughtfulness and carefully planned gift that my seven-year-old little girl brought home not only made me feel like a special Mom but a very proud one at that. In addition, she had also picked out a very pretty, flowering plant, again being careful to check the growth specifications. 

I was then presented with a bag of goodies. My girls also got me a bath set. Grampy said that this item too, had to be perfect, as she made him stand there, as she read the back of the packages to see what all they had in them before making her final selection. She was even so thoughtful as to pick out some new hair clasps for me; because the last one I had, broke when I dropped it the other day on the floor. I was also given some very nice perfume and body lotion from Clinique; compliments of Granny and Grampy. My Mother's Day was off to a great start!

The girls and I then dug through closets and baskets of clothes to pick out the perfect outfits for all three of us, ensuring they somewhat matched, and shoes to go along. We all got dressed and went to Sunday School. There I was presented with a pretty flower basket in honor of the youngest mother present in Sunday School. Yep! You read that right, the youngest mother - ha ha ha! After church we joined the extended family at Cracker Barrel for dinner. I was blessed to be able to dine with my own mother and stepdad, my brother and his kids, my grandmother and grandfather, aunt and uncle and their little grandson. We had a very pleasant dinner. Afterwards I gave my mother her gift and homemade cards from the girls, then headed back home with my babies.

Once we got home, I uploaded some photos from our day to my computer and then played school with the girls. I got to wear the Math Hat (the great, big, red and yellow striped hat from the circus) as I took my spelling test given to me by Miss. Cassi, my teacher. I got in trouble in class though because that kid that set beside me, Laney, well she kept climbing on me, trying to look at my paper. LOL.

After Miss Cassi dismissed class, we headed to the kitchen floor where we made our annual Mother's Day handprint collage. A little something that we have been doing since my very first Mother's Day. I use ink pads from my scrapbook supplies and make my handprint on a piece of cardstock, then in a different color, Cassidy makes a handprint on top of mine and then Laney does the same on top of Cassidy's. Of course, we also do one for each of the girls with just Mommy's handprint and their own individual. This is cool to look back on and not only see how they have grown, but I imagine one day when they are grown and gone; I will pull them out on Mother's Day and pretend to still be holding their tiny little hands.

After we cleaned off as much ink from our hands that we could we decided to do something special, just us girls. So, to the kitchen cabinet we went and out with a box of the very fudgiest brownie mix we could find. Together me and my girls all offered our part in baking the brownies, not leaving a speck of mix in the bowl. While the brownies baked the girls enjoyed a light dinner prepared by yours truly. Once the dinner plates were bare and chocolate in the air, we were ready to dig in! MMMMMM - they were so good!

As the evening drew close to bedtime I hugged and kissed each one of them and we all said our prayers together, I then tucked them into bed. Once they were snuggled down in the cool of the sheets, I decided it was time to tackle this pile of laundry. 

Sorting through these tiny little jammies with feet and bibs that are no longer needed to catch dripples from the chin. I found myself having trouble parting with them. Each little outfit I pulled out of the pile, pulled out a precious memory from my heart. Laney's Dedication Gown; how soft and tiny. I remember holding her in the pulpit of our little church promising to God to teach her of His ways and asking for His sweet protection over her. Triggering the memory of Cassidy's Dedication, to the Lord. I am so thankful to God for these two little lives, He has trusted in my care. 

A Winnie the Pooh Binky holder; this was Cassidy's. She had almost as many binky holders as she did binkies. Funny thing is she threw over half of the binkies to our Boxer, Lexie, never to be seen again. But I kept this binky holder to hand down to Laney, which is a little funny, as Maw-maw D. would say; because although Cassidy liked binkies, Laney quickly discovered her thumb and decided that tasted better.

I then pulled out a cute pair of pink, cotton panties that read Piglet across the back. Another sweet memory of how Cassidy and I were shopping together. I was pregnant with Laney at the time and she picked these out for her baby sister. As she walked through the store, she told everyone we passed, that she was going to be a Big Sister, with the greatest pride in the world! She even picked out a tiny teddy bear that rattled. 

The next item, bright pink water shoes; Laney's tiny water shoes. We bought these for her to wear on her first trip to Lake Sherwood with the family, she was four, four months, that is. Cassidy got a matching pair to wear. This was always a special trip to me as we had been going as a family since I was a baby. In fact, I have seen a picture of my mother and father at Lake Sherwood on a motorcycle before I was even thought of. I also have a picture of myself sitting on the beach in my maternity swimsuit, pregnant with Laney and Cassidy perched on my lap, the year before I bought these shoes. My mother said she too had a picture taken of her sitting on that same beach in her maternity swimsuit, while pregnant with me.  

I could go on forever, as I have storage tubs full of little memories tucked away. So how do I let each one go? As I scrunch the little pink snow suit that kept both my girls warm during different time periods, to my nose, I get a faint smell of the baby detergent that I so faithfully used on each of their clothes. I think back to a time when they had no choice but to let Mommy sit and hold them, snuggled up on my lap. Cassidy; seven and Laney now turning three, have already become a little more difficult to hang on to. I look back over the past few years and although my girls are still babies to me, I think to myself; 'They are growing so fast, and even though I have been blessed, in being able to be a stay at home Mom, and I have been here 24/7, I still somehow feel like I have missed some of it.' When people say; treasure every moment because they will soon be gone, I think yeah, I have. But have I? Every moment? Have I?

So, as this Mother's Day draws to a close, I sit and sort and cry. I let some things go but hold on to a few that are just too special to part with right now. I recently told another Mom that; I love my Mother, my family, but it was not until the moment they laid those babies in my arms for the first time in the delivery room, did I truly realize just how much I could love another human being. I love my kids so much it actually, hurts, and I am so thankful to God for being able to know that special sweetness of love.

Jumping forward, it is now 2020, more bittersweet than before. My Cassidy is now nineteen and my Laney is fourteen. I sit here and fold clothes as I always have. Cassi’s pile is growing smaller as she isn’t home as much anymore. Laney’s pile has also changed, from cute little PJ’s to torn jeans and crop tops. I fuss and refuse to purchase the grown-up undergarments they want versus the little pink Piglet panties, I used to tuck away in their drawers. I suppose life will always come full circle no matter how tight we try to hold on, one day even Momma must let go. It is a bittersweet love that I truly believe only the bond of a mother can understand. 

To all you sentimental Mothers out there - don't be embarrassed to cry and show that overwhelming love for your children whenever it hits you and more importantly; HOLD ON TO THEM WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT!!!!!!!