A Good Cup of Tea

Trigger Warning - Abortion

Lisa sat quietly on the edge of the couch in the living room. The room was immaculately clean. Lisa thought of her own apartment and how there wasn’t any spot in the whole place that was as clean as this one room. She hoped that this kindness would not carry an expectation of an invitation to her own place. As she waited for her host to bring the promised tea, Lisa surveyed the room. The wall across from her showed aged and yellowing pictures of her host's family members, long since dead. There were no pictures of children or young people. The wall was a testament to the last dying branch of some family tree that would soon be nothing more than compost under the roots of more robust, thriving trees. 

"Here we are," Ms. Ellis was saying as she came back to the room carrying a large silver serving tray with a tea set balanced upon it. "Have some tea, dear." She poured for them both. "It's been my experience that there is precious little that a good strong cup of tea can't help." She chuckled a little to herself as she sat in her easy chair with her tea. She had scooted a cup on a little saucer toward Lisa, and she picked it up, following what the older woman was doing. She had never been served tea before, much less in porcelain cups and saucers, from a silver tray.  She hoped she didn't drop the delicate cup. "At least it will give you warm feelings," Ms. Ellis chuckled more, and Lisa couldn't help but smile as she tasted the hot, strong liquid. 

"Thank you for this. I just didn't have anyone else to talk to," Lisa admitted through lowered eyes. It meant a lot to her that this woman was taking the time to show an interest. Ms. Ellis had even offered to take Lisa to the clinic when the time came next week. They were practically strangers, having known each other only a brief time, working in the small office, but so much had changed this day.

"I don’t condone what Elaine and the others were saying about you. But then, she’s always been a little judgmental. As if she doesn’t have skeletons of her own that would curl your toes if you knew.” She winked at Lisa and the older woman’s eyes glittered with secrets and hidden stories. Lisa couldn’t help smiling, but quickly looked back at the little cup that she held on her knees, the shame bubbling up again. Heedless, or maybe because she could see Lisa’s discomfort, Ms. Ellis continued. “People like to say that no one talked about these things back in my day. Act like things like this didn’t happen. Or if they did, it was because someone was low class. Less than. Sometimes even dirty.   Anyway, everyone pretended not to know. But everyone always knew. We just didn't twitter about it like people do today." Lisa and Ms. Ellis both laughed a little. Lisa was one of a very few people of her age who did not like social media at all, and barely had a Facebook and Twitter account. She despised social media and often felt like a walking anachronism.

She had never talked much to Ms. Ellis. The office was as bad as high school. The older women were a clique unto themselves and had never been especially welcoming to any new employees, especially anyone under thirty. Lisa thought that before today she could have counted on one hand the number of times that Ms. Ellis had spoken to her. She hadn’t been mean or cruel, it was just a thing. The older women only interacted with the new, younger women long enough to get them trained, then that was pretty much it. At best, they were cold. At worst, like it had been earlier today. She felt the sting of tears prick at her eyes again, and she took several sips of tea trying to force the memory and the attendant emotions back down inside her. She was still mad at herself for letting them see her cry. For crying at work. For having to ask for the afternoon off from a male supervisor who looked terrified that Lisa had so obviously been crying, and worse, that she might try to tell him why. 

Then, in the parking lot, when she kept dropping her keys trying to get her car unlocked through the sobs that had overtaken her, Ms. Ellis had appeared as if out of thin air. Lisa had bent down for the third time to retrieve the tangle of keys from the asphalt when a hand covered hers and another grabbed the keys. Lisa stood up to see the older woman at her side, patting her hand and telling her that everything would be alright. She walked Lisa to her own car and put her in the passenger seat. Ms. Ellis got in and explained to Lisa that she was having her over for afternoon tea. A lost art, afternoon tea, Ms. Ellis was explaining as she brought the car to life and roared out of the parking lot. 

And that was how Lisa had come to find herself having tea with a woman whom she had thought had been wholly indifferent to her. The tea was good. It was strong, but with enough sugar to soften the bitterness. It was just the right temperature too and sent a thrill of warmth spreading through Lisa's throat and stomach. It felt like a hug. It felt like the few memories she had of her grandmother’s house. She pulled her eyes up from her cup and saw Ms. Ellis gazing up at the wall by the door to the kitchen. She looked like she was somewhere else, and Lisa thought the woman was humming quietly. Lisa turned toward that wall and looked over the pictures that were hanging there. More portraits, a picture of a bride and groom, some people at a beach. 

“Are all these pictures your family?” Lisa asked quietly, not wanting to disturb Ms. Ellis, but also not wanting to continue to sit in silence with the woman. She had come to her defense earlier with the others and had come to her rescue in the parking lot. She didn’t want Ms. Ellis to think her ungrateful or uninterested. 

“Yes, my dear. Most are blood kin but several are chosen family. Isn’t that what you young folk call it these days? The friends that you make that you end up feeling closer to than anyone in your actual family.”

“Yes ma’am. Found family or chosen family. I had a few of those in college, but we’ve lost touch. I guess we weren’t as close as I thought we were.”

“Well, things change. Especially during those years.” She paused to pour herself a second cup of tea and filled Lisa’s cup as well. “I remember feeling that way about that ragtag group up there in that one picture.” She nodded toward the only group picture, the one on the beach, that was on that wall. There were seven people – four young women and three men. There was something about it that Lisa could see that made her think that was a warm memory of a fun day for Ms. Ellis. She glanced back at the old woman and saw a faint smile on her face in between sips of tea. 

“I’d like to know more if you’d like to tell me,” Lisa said.

“Oh, I intend to. It’s why I brought you here. We were all thicker than blood that summer. But, things happen, and changes come, welcome or not. Lisa, I want you to know that I know what you are going through. Do you see that young handsome man in the middle there? I loved him to the moon and back. And he felt the same for me. Jack was his name. We had grown up together and had always loved each other like brother and sister. But shortly before that day,” she nodded toward the picture, “we had discovered that how we thought about each other had changed. I had known for a while that I had a crush on him. But I never imagined that he would feel the same toward me.” She set her tea down, stood up, and walked over to the picture. She ran her fingers over the glass, then turned to Lisa. “He had been sent to a private boys’ school for high school. So for a couple of years we only saw each other when he was home on breaks.”

“When did you realize you liked him?”

“The day after he left the first time. It was like a part of me was gone. Like I had lost an appendage. And then, it occurred to me that someday I would marry him. That we had been like brother and sister because that’s all we could be when we were younger, but there was so much more to how I felt for him.”

“That’s romantic,” Lisa commented. “I wish things could be like that now, but people don’t want to make the effort. They want quick, meaningless encounters. Nobody wants to take their time or work for anything now.” She was feeling bitterness now, remembering her last few dates. “When did you two get married?”

“We didn’t,” Ms. Ellis said flatly.   

“I’m sorry, what?” Lisa stumbled for words.

“Everyone knew that we would end up married. We knew it just as sure as I know that you’re scared out of your wits right now. But it wasn’t meant to be. The very night that this picture was taken, he came to my room. We had been dating for almost a month, but it seemed like we had always been together. I knew it wouldn’t be too much longer before we had our first time together. And it happened that very night.” She pointed back at the picture. “Then after a couple of weeks, he went off to school and it wasn’t long after that when I found out I was with child.” 

“What happened?”

“Are you dense, child?” Ms. Ellis shot the words at her as the older woman moved back to her chair. “Lordy, lordy,” she seemed to be saying to herself, while shaking her head and arranging herself again with her tea. When she looked at Lisa again, her face had softened. Lisa knew her question was stupid. 

“I’m sorry, Ms. Ellis,” Lisa offered. “That’s why you spoke up today when Ms. Harris and the others were going on.”

“And why you’re here. No one in my life today knows what happened. But back then, it wasn’t safe, even if you had a doctor, a real doctor who would do it. When I had the procedure, I almost died. I was in the hospital for weeks recovering. And it left me unable to bear children.”

“I’m so sorry, Ms. Ellis. That’s horrible.”

“My parents told his parents, but they all decided not to tell him. They just forbid us from ever seeing each other again.  My family sold our house and moved us out here while he was away at school. I didn’t have his address, but they watched me like a hawk anyway. I wouldn’t have been able to send him a letter even if I had known how to get it to him.  I lost all my friends, the love of my life, and any chance of having an actual family of my own. I met Harold, the man I eventually married while I was working as a secretary in a law office downtown. My parents tried to dissuade him from pursuing me. While we were dating, my father took him aside and told him I had a genetic disorder that would keep me from being able to have children. My own parents thought that I was not worthy of being loved because of one mistake. They didn’t think I deserved happiness. And for a bit, I believed it too. That’s why I didn’t really try to find Jack. I felt like I didn’t deserve him. Then, Harold married me anyway. He told my father that he loved me regardless and that whether we didn’t have any children, or a hundred children. Whether I gave birth to them, or we adopted them, it didn’t matter to him. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.  I was fine marrying him, but I don’t think I loved him until that moment. And we were happy. He made me laugh. And he loved me enough to make up for him not being Jack.”

“What happened to Jack?” Lisa was on the edge of her seat. She thought this was the best story she had ever heard. 

“He was shipped off to Vietnam. Died three days after he got there.” Ms. Ellis paused for a moment; her head lowered. She wiped her face before continuing. “His sister found me, and we talked on the phone for several hours. He had been furious with his parents about moving and wouldn’t talk to them for months because he didn’t believe their flimsy story of wanting to be closer to him. He never knew that I had been pregnant, or what had happened.  She hadn’t even known. But she knew that I would want to know what had happened to Jack and had worked hard to find me. She was so gracious to me when I told her the truth and said she was sorry that she hadn’t gotten to be my sister or our baby’s aunt. When we ended the call, I cried for three days. This was right before I met Harold. And he was like a ray of sunshine that kept breaking through the clouds of my sorrow. Eventually, I let the light in. You see, I decided to forgive myself. I had not carried a baby to term, but I had been left with guilt and depression and feeling like I was damaged and unworthy, and those things I carried with me all the time. I didn’t even realize it. I was just made to feel that way about myself and my life. And all of that was wrong. It was wrong how my parents treated me and made me feel. And I won’t let anyone make you feel those things.  Not your parents, not Elaine, not anyone.” She stared at Lisa with earnestness. Tears were flowing down her cheeks and Lisa was crying as well.

“Thank you, Ms. Ellis, thank you. I don’t have anyone in my life that is supportive of my decision. I can’t tell you what this means to me.”

“You don’t have to tell me, child, I know. I know what it means to you because I know what it would have meant to me.” She got up, moved the tea set to the floor and sat down on the ottoman in front of Lisa, taking her hands in her own. “So, you’re going to tell that rotten landlord that you’re breaking your lease. You are moving in here with me, and I’m going to take care of you until you are ready to be on your own again and can afford a decent place.”

“How…?”

“Because you’re young and you’re just starting out and you’re alone. Anyone in your position has a horrible little apartment and a horrible landlord.”

“Am I a cliché?” Lisa asked, half laughing. Ms. Ellis laughed back.

“No, but when you get to my age you recognize things. You’ll see.”

“I can’t thank you enough. I don’t even have the words. Ms. Ellis, no one has ever been this kind to me.”

“Well, it’s about time someone was then. We’ll get through this, then find you a decent partner. But be warned, it takes a lot to impress this old woman, and they’d better impress me before you think of doing anything serious with them.” She laughed and reached up, putting her hand against Lisa’s cheek to wipe away the tears. 

“Thank you, Ms. Ellis,” Lisa said. 

“You’re welcome, child. But one thing we have to get straight.”

“What’s that?” Here came the catch, Lisa thought.

“You must call me Helen from now on. Friends use first names.”