You Know

You Know

By EJ Cross

“We need to do something, you know.” She said again. It was starting to become monotonous, to be honest. Like a trite remark to an overused statement. It’s almost lost meaning as I focus on her dark red lips instead.She always had the prettiest smile, I thought.

“Yes, you said. And I agree. I know, you know, the neighbors know. Hell, the dog probably knows. But what, Jan? What do you propose?” I say, already regretting the tone of my voice as I see her crestfallen, weary eyes harden in annoyance.It’s better than despair, at least.

“I don’t know, Dan, but we need to do something. My neck aches, my back hurts, I keep wanting to…you know...” She says,grey eyes rolling up to the ceiling, bloodshot sclera pinkish in the soft overhead lights.

I panic and grab her shoulder thinking she might faint again.I breathe a sigh of relief when she brushes my hand off and stalks towards the couch on the other side of the room. The buzzer for the door triggered, breaking the awkward silence. I was glad for the distraction as I sauntered over to see who it was.

The door slid open to Wren standing in the corridor, brown mop of hair a crazed halo around his head. He was wringing his hands, a worried expression on his face as usual.

“Hey Dan.” He said, the harsh overhead door light making dark shadows under his tired looking eyes.

“HEY WREN!” Jan yells from the couch in the background.

“Hey Wren. I’d invite you in, but you know…”

“It’s alright, Dan, thanks. Just wanted to swing by, see how you doin, you know, all things considered. You and Jan figure things out yet? The missus buzzed me at work, was wantin to know, you know. And, since you’re basically on my way. I wanted to check in. See how, you know, things are…you know” He said, obviously uncomfortable but trudging forward with a grim determination that I’d always admired. His eyes strained, bulging with the effort it must be taking him not to look.

“YOU TELL THAT OLD BAT TO MIND HER OWN, WREN!” Jan yelled from the kitchen. At some point she had gotten up and gone over to the fridge, probably to pack some cookies for Wren.

“JAN! Sorey bout that, Wren.” I said, face warming in embarrassment . “Things have been…tense, as you can imagine. Thanks for checking on us. We’re ok, all things considered with…you know.No, we still don’t know what to do about, you know…”

I smelled Jan’s lavender perfume and felt her presence before she suddenly leaned around me, reaching out and patting Wren’s clasped hands.She was a foot shorter than me and much more athletic, but that still didn’t explain how she could move so quietly when she wanted to. I used to joke with her that she must have been an assassin in a previous life. It stopped being funny when she looked at me deadpan once and said “What do you mean previous life, sugar?” She’d winked playfully and laughed, after, but I’d always wondered what her life was before we boarded colony ship 1. It had been over 4 years since we’d awoken from cryostasis and been matched genetically as well as socially compatible. Now I wonder if I really want to know. Most of us signed on to leave old lives behind.

She shoved the cookies into Wren’s trembling hands. She gave him a pert smile, patted his hands over the cookies again and went back to the couch. She sat down with a loud sigh, already lost in her tab, probably looking up old datalogs or netshows to distract herself. I couldn’t blame her, there wasn’t much else to do until we figured things out.

“Thanks for stopping by, Wren, we appreciate it, especially given the circumstances. And do give our regards to the missus. Ok?”

“Ok, Dan. Let us know if you need anything, you know with, well, with anything. THANKS FOR THE COOKIES, JAN!” He said, hollering the last bit sheepishly past my shoulder as he knuckled his forehead and quickly walked away. I sidestepped into the corridor, watching his awkward gait as he walked counterclock towards his quarters. It was mostly empty at this shiphour, but there’s always some folks hanging around.

The smooth corridor walls displayed night time images to either side, as if there were windows out to the night sky back on Earth. I never could get used to looking at the front of my quarters and seeing a window to a grassy field that changed depending on time of day (shipday, of course). I remember once there was a beautiful wild stallion frolicking across the field. I think there’d been a contest one of the younger denizens of the ship had won that allowed them to choose one view change of their choice that month. They didn’t do too bad, all things considered, but the debate on the compute power it cost to generate the random factors made it a onetime occurrence.

I turned around, staring carefully at the floor as I made my way to the couch in our quarters living space. It was sparse but we tried to make it homey. The front door automatically slid shut in a quiet swoosh, a current of air stirring the hair on the back of my neck. I sat down next to Jan and took her small, delicate olive skinned hands in mine.

“We’ll figure out what to do with, you know...” I said, nodding back behind us.

“I know, Dan, we’ll figure it out. But we need to do something…” She said, eyes trembling.

A tiny yipping creature came tumbling out of our one bedroom, pausing for a second and wagging her shaggy little tail. Dashing forward, she bound into the space between me and Jan. She burrowed and wiggled, rolling around until her head finally ended up in Jan’s lap, big puppy eyes staring up at us and small pink tongue darting out.

For one crazy second, I look into the black abyss of her dark puppy eyes and imagine she’s thinking “Have you figured out what to do yet about, you know…” before I rake my hand through my sparse hair, sniff a wry chuckle and rub her belly. I shake my head at Jan’s ruefully curious look.

“Just trying to figure out what to do about, you know...”