Dogecoin

I am in my basement, in my bedroom. Curtains closed. Door closed. It is 3 AM. Tuesday morning. I feel that my life is over. I see no light at the end of the tunnel. Why am I still alive? Why was I brought into this world?

I have known Ricky since he was a three and half and I was five. We spent a great time of our childhood together. Especially the summers once school was done for the year. Ricky’s dad knew well my dad from their hometown in London, England. Now we live in Toronto, Canada. I think from my first ever memories ever, Ricky was my first ever friend. For many years, we were still friends. Till the time we reached university.

It is said, that sometimes, your worst enemy was once, your best friend. I did not want to believe that. Sometimes my parents would tell me to not spend too much time with Ricky and doing him favors here and there. I always had a good heart, and always saw the good in people.

My first experience with Ricky about having doubts on our friendship was when he needed to go to a furniture store to check out on a few items. He calls me up and asked me if I would be interested to come along with him. I agreed but before I hang up the phone, he mentioned that I should come over to his place and pick him up. I said I would. This was when we were both in school, in university. It was summer. He was not working, but I was. In a restaurant at a minimum wage pretty much. He did have a driver’s license like in my case and he did own a car, as well as did I. Now, I tried to not overthink of what just happened. He needs to go check out a few furniture at a store but he wants me to pick him up in my car. At first, I was thinking maybe because he is not working currently and did not want to use his car for that reason. To not waste on gas. I did not say anything. I did let it go. I was always the one giving more in a friendship.

Another time, he calls me up. All happy and announces to me that he might have found jobs for both of us. The starting salary was at least four bucks extra an hour. He tells me again, to pick him up, then we can go to that company and apply together. I know he was the one that found the job posting but he is asking me again to pick him up and drive us to that place to apply.

A few of these episodes kept happening time to time for a few years. I would not get angry at him or tell him how I was feeling. I think my problem is that I still saw Ricky as a little kid when I met him the first time. That innocent little boy that was always giggling, smiling and fooling around. I think I was living in the past…

During our years at York University, with a minimum wage job, driving a car, and studying full time…the budget was always tight. One day, Ricky, tells me that he had found a way of making a few hundred dollars a day. How? By placing bets with a bookie that his cousin knew. Honestly, I was skeptical at first. I never saw, or spoken to that bookie of his cousin’s. After a few weeks, I was up. By several hundred dollars. Maybe close to a grand. Ricky told me that the bookie ran off and we don’t know where he is.

A few years later, once we were both on the job market. Both of us working a full-time job. Ricky comes up again with the fact that his cousin found another bookie. Again, we were both playing. My bets would go through Ricky. I would never see this so-called bookie. Again, I was up a few grand. I never got the money and one day Ricky told me that the bookie was gone. Disappeared. I am a too good of a person. I still believed his stories to be true. I still trusted Ricky though.  

Another few years go by. I got a job but not the best job. I was not too lucky and I did not find work in my field of study. My job was miserable. I was close to 30. I was still single and living with my parents. My parents were from India but lived a few years in England. Same as the parents of Ricky. My parents were asking me every few months if I had a girlfriend. I would say no. That was the truth. Well…I was in love with this one beautiful girl. She was too…but it did not last too long. The major obstacle was religion. She was a Muslim and I was a Hindu. We departed each other and I can only remember the good days with her. I honestly saw her as my future wife, as the mother of my children. However, my parents would never had accepted this union, nor her parents. Why do we need all these religions? Humans are good at dividing themselves. 

Due to please my parents and to be this exemplary obedient son, I agreed to go through a fixed marriage and to travel to India to find a wife. Before my trip to India, Ricky was married, and seemed happy. He proposed me again, to join him, in his betting with a new bookie. I agreed again. Why? I was too trustful. I was naïve. I was blind. Again, I was not talking directly to the bookie. Ricky was taking my bets. This time. Things did not go that well. I started losing. My hockey knowledge was more than good. People should know that when you lose via a bookie, the loss is very costly. It started well. I was up by a few grand. Then after a few weeks, I was down by $5,000. I did not have the money to pay the bookie. Well, Ricky…because I would always go through him. I told him I did not have that kind of money. With my student loan to pay, giving a rent to my parents, and now planning to travel to India soon…I needed more cash. He told me he was up by a lot. Not sure how much. He would not tell me. Now that I am in a deficit, he is asking to pay me. I gave him $500 for now. This kept on going for weeks. Ricky knew I did not have the money but he would let me play. Perhaps to see if I can break even. At a certain point, I was down by 25k. He told me that I needed to pay. At least to get a big chunk if not the full amount. I could not sleep for nights. I felt ashamed. I felt naked. I felt little. I felt lonely. The day felt like nights. The nights felt darker. I did not want to talk about this to anyone. My best friend at this point in my life was Ricky and this is where he took me. To a dark place with no exit. I kept asking my self what if the bookie was Ricky. When I was winning, I never got a penny. He got me scared. He would tell me that the bookie will need to call me if I don’t pay up. That he would have to give my phone number to him.

I was too kind, too scared, too lost, too lonely…that I applied for a loan from my bank. I got approved for 10k. I gave that amount in full in hundred-dollar bills. That lasted a few months. My finances were not going well at all.

Now, I had to get ready for India and get married to a stranger chosen by my parents. That was another concept that was extremely difficult to grasp for me as I grew up in Canada. My parents believed a man should be married by the age of 30. I was 31.

I had taken a six-week vacation from work. I was surprised that that my employer granted that many weeks. My job was waiting for me once I was back from my trip. It felt great to leave Toronto for the first time during the winter season. To escape the cold season felt great but this trip was not a pleasure trip…

My parents introduced me a few women. To be honest, I did it only to please my parents. If it was for me, I would have not married in this fashion. Two weeks after landing in India, I was married, to pretty much a stranger.

I got to worry about money and now this marriage with a stranger. The past twelve months have been stressful to the point I feel like doing nothing. I wish I did not exist.

While I was back home in Toronto, Ricky kept pressuring to pay me the balance of my debts. I kept telling him I can afford another loan. Simple as that. I told him I just can’t. I wish I had extra cash laying around. But I did not. When I was winning, I never got paid up. When I started losing, and losing big, now I am stuck to pay. I started getting calls from the bookie. Ricky gave my number to him. I would get calls almost every day. The bookie threatened me and Ricky told me that he will have to give my address to the bookie if I don’t cough up the money.

On the other hand, my wife, still in India, was ignoring me. I would barely get calls and text messages from her. The first months, after I got home, things were going well. Now we are distant, physically and emotionally. She came back from the interview to the High Commissions of Canada in New Delhi. She failed the test. Apparently, our answers did not match. It was bound to happen. We barely knew each other. I was going to need more money for an immigration lawyer.

Tonight, I am in my bedroom. Alone. In the dark. I am having suicidal thoughts. My financial life is destroyed and I am married to a stranger that is a thousand of miles away. And…I still live with my parents. I feel I have failed. I feel I have lost in this race of life. I see no light.

Many weeks have passed by. I feel I don’t have a choice. I will kill myself. I can’t live like this anymore. I ask my sisters to help me. Each of them gave me 5k. I paid off Ricky. I wanted to pay the bookie directly but he told me no need to. I will never know if there was a bookie or not. I know I lost on those hockey bets but I kept asking myself one question. If I were Ricky and him in my shoes, would I have let him play till he was completely drowned in debts? I still ask that question myself…

Even after paying off this amount to Ricky, he told me I still owed him close to 16k. I had to tell this to my parents and I did. They were furious and they immediately called Ricky’s parents. After that…nothing happened. Ricky never got the rest of the money from me and I never spoke, nor I saw him again. I wish I had spoken about this to my parents much earlier but I was too ashamed. To commit such a huge error in my life at this age was humiliating.

As for my wife. My mom, herself, told me, that it would be okay if we annulled this marriage. When my mom said those words, the biggest pressure on my chest was relieved. I will not lie. I felt that a huge burden was removed from life. However, I was going to need to pay a lawyer to make it official this divorce. So that is another few grands in expenses.

Now, no more gambling via a bookie and no more fixed marriages. Also, I will be stuck at home for the next several years to regain financial freedom.

It took lot of time. Patience is key to overcome extreme life challenges and difficulties. When in December 2013, a meme coin about a Shiba came out, as a cryptocurrency, I decided to research about it and bough for a few hundred dollars of it.

After staying with my parents till I was almost forty, I learned that in life, nothing goes the way you want, most of the time. You will be thrown curve balls and even be hit on the head. You have to get up, be ready to take more hits, and keep rising. I was at one point about thinking of ending my life. I am so happy I did not go through that.

Today, when Elon Musk will be the host on Saturday Night Live, and perhaps mention the Dogecoin, the next few days, might be the days not only I might cash out on my coins, but move out from my parents, and buy a house…on my own! Without a mortgage! Now, I see a blue sky at the end of the tunnel. Not just light. Time and patience, both can be great allies when going through extreme challenging events.

I will say also pay off my sisters with interest and my best friend also, who did lend me $1,300. Not Ricky of course. Another friend I made during my high school years. He never questioned on when I was going to reimburse him. After over ten years, I will return him double that amount. He was and still is, my only best friend today.