Let It Go

She pulled the sofa cushion back, reaching down in between the space tracing continuously along the edges until she concluded, what she was looking for wasn’t there.

Where could they be? She thought to herself. 

She retraced every step. Completely perplexed, she looked at Griff. 

“Did you take them?” She asked Griff. He just stared at her with eyes full of information. She just knew he knocked them off the counter and batted them around before curling up for his afternoon nap. She recalled the times when he stole peppermints from her purse, along with pens and paintbrushes. He was an interesting cat.

“Show me where they are boy,” she said hoping he would lead the way to find what she was looking for. She laughed at her imagination and gave up for the afternoon. She knew they were close. She could feel it.

Later that evening she was talking to her friend, Dan. They had been friends for a long time. She called him her friend but there are usually strings attached in a male/female relationship. At least that had been her experience.

“Are they in your car?” Dan asked. 

“No, I just said I looked everywhere,” she replied. “I have no idea where they could be. It makes no sense because I always put them by the computer when I go work out because Griff normally won’t jump up there.” She sighed. “I am sure they will turn up at some point. I just need to let it go,”

Dan agreed. He went on to tell her a story of a time his heart was broken by the love of his life. 

As he was talking, she became distracted with her inner thoughts. 

What is the lesson in this? Does there have to be a lesson or can I just get what I want back? 

She could turn anything into something spectacular. It was a gift she had but at times it felt like a burden. She could see so much in every moment and it was beautiful. It was hard for many to relate so it remained unshared. This was the hard part. To feel so much. To know so much. And to crawl into bed alone every night. It was her choice to remain single, yet she longed for something pure. Something genuine. She had been seeing someone new recently. She was not sure how it would pan out. 

“Are you there?” Dan asked sounding a bit annoyed due to her lack of acknowledgement. 

“Yes, I am here. I’m sorry, I got distracted with my own thoughts,” she said. 

“Of course, you did,” he said with a chuckle in his voice. “I was saying that when I let it go, that’s when the healing came.”

Whew. He wasn’t offended by her lack of attention, she thought to herself. 

Their conversations always went deep which they both thoroughly enjoyed. His words gave her hope that she would find it. She knew she would, when the time was right, when the lesson was learned, what she lost would be returned.

She finished the conversation with Dan on speaker phone, rolling her eyes several times throughout the conversation. Primarily because he was on speaker phone. There was a lack of connection. She wanted him to be close. This desire was not specific to him but rather anyone she engaged with. She needed connection. There was too much space in between them for her to feel that.

The next day, she reached out to her son to see if he still had his. Maybe she could borrow it since he was not using it. He agreed. She almost went over to get it but resisted. She could be impulsive at times. She told herself to let it go and she did. 

The night went on and unfolded to be exhilarating. Her new admirer called her, requesting to share the evening with her. He had asked several times throughout the week despite her declining every invitation. His timing was perfect. She said yes and told him how much she appreciated his consistency. 

“I always go after what I want. And I want you,” he said boldly.

Her heart melted. Well, it’s about time, she said to herself. Finally, a man who knows what he wants. 

They ate. They danced. They laughed. He watched her sing and be silly. She completely let it all go and just enjoyed their time together. He held her while she cried. He told her she was beautiful and wanted to continue to pursue her. Still guarded, she agreed, knowing that this was the one her heart longed for. She sensed something different with him. The space between them was full of peace. She wasn’t striving and simply could be herself. She needed that. He left just after sunset and her heart was full when she crawled into bed. 

She woke up in the morning feeling drained. What now? she thought. She just wanted everything to go well. She could feel the anxiety rise and wanted desperately to let it go. The “what if,” scenarios cued up in her mind. She had started losing her hair that month and just made peace with it. She knew she was beautiful despite of how she looked. Her heart was beautiful. Feeling stressed of the possibility of being sick, she reaches out to her sweetheart. 

“I really need you right now,” she said softly. Before she could finish her request, it was fulfilled. He held her close and reassured her it was going to be okay. The hair loss was just temporary. The sickness was only for a moment. The pain wouldn’t last forever. As she laid there with her lover, all was well. 

Later that afternoon, she went into the guest bathroom searching for a hair pin. She opened the drawer and she smiled. She didn’t find the hair pin, but she did find what she was looking for earlier in the week. It was the case for her air pods. 

“And there you are, just like that.” She said smiling, seeing the lesson.

She immediately grabbed the case and put the buds in to charge. 

As she waited, she saw Griff batting a hair pin across the kitchen floor. She laughed out loud because he was always stealing hair pins too! She scooped him up and said, “I could tell you knew something the other day, you big ole tiger.” She kissed him on the forehead and released him back to floor. She loved calling him a tiger though he was an average sized gray cat with a bluish tint. He was so handsome especially with his red collar on. 

What she had been looking for had been there all along. She knew that it was close. She was wrong in thinking she looked everywhere. She never looked in the most obvious place; the place where she lost it. As she moved into the rest of her day, the melodies she had been craving to hear without any disconnection flowed beautifully through her mind. Like anything she had lost before, she found it, when she had the courage to let it go.