Conflagration

Here, I’ll give you one for free: chocolate ganache tastes better if you add a dash of Papa Pepper’s hot sauce. That’s it; that’s the whole secret. You don’t believe me? Well not many people do but I had hoped you’d be different. But I guess that’s the way it is with us humans, right? We all just sit around complaining about what we have and what we don’t have while waiting for the next thing to come along and be inadequate. Maybe one day you’ll learn to trust me. Anyways, since you didn’t ask here’s some more on that chocolate ganache. The key is to add in the hot sauce when the chocolate is still melting so when you put it in the fridge it retains all of the flavors. And yes, it has to be Papa Pepper’s, or else you might as well be using ketchup. Another one for you: Papa Pepper’s is actually owned by a woman. Ah! So sorry. I know I told you I wouldn’t give you anymore but you know how it goes, it’s incredibly difficult to shake off old habits. 

I fear you’ll think I’m rambling but it’s not my fault, not really. It’s a hereditary thing I think or at least that’s what Grandma Betsy told me. My father says it’s just called being annoying. We never did get along. Maybe you think this is sad but don’t worry he was glad to see me go. I tried to hold onto this but here: I feel uneasy when the wind blows Southeast. It’s an instinct I suppose, one I get from out very old ancestors. When the wind blows against you the predators can pick up your scent. When it blows away it carries their scent towards you. Pretty helpful, right? Most people don’t find me so interesting, thank you for that. Forgive me for asking but where did you get that necklace? It was your mother’s? Oh, my mother could never afford such a luxury. It’s been passed down for generations? That’s an interesting concept isn’t it? Reminds me of a secret: my great-great-grandfather tried passing down a tortoise through the generations but it got lost somewhere down the line. Did you know that an Aldabra giant tortoise can live up to 150 years? Yeah, crazy. The idea was that it would be passed on to the next family member when they turned 18. It’s funny how people pretend to be so focused on the future but really they’re stuck in the past. 

One thing I never understood was the fixation people seem to have on things with bright colors. It’s always the Monarch butterflies and the Northern Cardinals that get all the attention but what about the moths? What about the Northern-rough winged swallows? There is so much more to life than flashy outer appearances. How’d you like this: when I was little I always wanted to be an Ornithologist. How did I know? Well, birds have always fascinated me. I grew up with a wooded area behind my house and I used to spend hours searching for new birds. One day I came home with a tick on my leg and my mother wasn’t so keen on my hobby anymore. I never really got that future. No, I guess I don’t really regret my decisions in life but it sure would be nice to spend just one more day in those woods. It’s getting harder to keep my secrets in, I apologize for what I say: when my mother first heard the news, I was told that she buried my binoculars in the backyard. I haven’t heard anything of my father since I left but I assume he saw it coming. He always seemed to see right through me. 

What is my legacy? Don’t we all wish to know that? It may seem odd but I don’t fear what people will think of me in the future. Let them analyze my choices and ponder what could’ve been done. Let them think that I am just crazy. I think my legacy like the European Starling. It starts right here I guess. I give you one, two, three secrets and you spread those as you will. Those secrets will multiply as people try to make sense of my words, I guarantee it. You will come out of here knowing far more than you had even wished for. Speaking of which: when I was in first grade I cut the pigtail off a girl in my class while she was looking the other way. When she found out I blamed it on the quiet kid and he just went with it. I’ll always be grateful to you, Jordan. Others won’t be so lucky. 

It is getting so difficult to contain: I once shoplifted a keychain from the Dollar Store and pretended it fell in my shoe. I know it sounds dumb now but I was young. Don’t we all do stupid stuff when we’re young? What’s life without regrets? By the way, how am I doing on time? I’m running out? I better talk quickly. You know, it’s funny that they send you in here looking for the truth when I was never really trying to keep any secrets in the first place. At what point is something no longer a secret? Is it after the first time it is told or when it becomes common knowledge? Who knows. What I do know is this: when everyone thought it was me who wrote ‘hot potato’ on the mirror in the girls’ bathroom, it was actually Katrina. That was when people first began to get suspicious really. I had been skipping classes and hiding out in people’s lockers and that isn’t normal. At least not to you people anyways. The truth is I was scared. I was scared someone would find out what I had done. 

This is getting impossible so here it is. All of it: I never meant to hurt anyone. In fact, I meant the opposite. Another: I wasn’t the only one involved in this. And no, I will not say who the other was. Ok, fine: it was Jordan. Yes, the same Jordan from twenty years ago in my first-grade class. As a matter of fact: it was Jordan’s idea. Do what you will with this: orange is my favorite color. Always has been. Perhaps it explains why I couldn’t help but smile as the flames transformed into a fiery conflagration. The air was so smoky it honestly reminded me of the hot sauce I told you about before. You don’t remember the name? Papa Pepper’s. I’m sure you’re taking note of that though I’m not sure why. Why is it that no one realizes: it was Spring migration. I can’t even imagine the number of warblers in the woods that day. My favorite has always been the Blackburnian Warbler. Just look at its face, what does that remind you of? No, I can’t tell you why we did it. I can tell you this: I made sure there were no people inside before we struck the first match. 

Oh, and one more secret: you can’t trust a word I’ve said.