Lower Frequency

It must have been middle of june last year (i have not been able to check my entries) that i first saw her in that office sitting on the left side of that tax office talking to who i know not animatedly non stop in that office that seven staffs sitting inside that big hall demarcated by tables were all females and their boss same sex. Female. They call her Chi Chi which may be Chioma or Chinyere in my language whichever. When I look at her, I know that she is that type known as a "sealed bag" around here. 

15th July 2024.

I had gone to the tax sub office nearest to my base to enquire of the percentage the state government came out with this year for us to start calculation. Once you are an insurance firm, bus driver, any other kind of driver for that matter, or landed property owner, even cafe operators, you don't escape the hammer of these staff. They operate by the Igbo adage which states that it's where you work that you feed from. You might think that the adage is straight forward which to any clean mind, it is. But poverty has a way of making a genius out of nobodies as far as corruption is concerned. That is our way of passing days and weeks and months here in third world Africa. We twist and tweak every straight wisdom and make it crooked to fit and suit our conscience to do what we need to do. Some people see such adage and pronouns as having the right to tamper with government property or orders to enrich oneself and it's perfectly normal. You should this right?- only the underhand deals are favored the most. 

I called the lady that used to attend to my needs and I was surprised to hear that her set had been transferred out of the sub office and brought fresh faces but their boss remained the same man. "how can we help you?" I was asked by a fresh face I know not in my third year of dealing with that office. After little talks and familiarizing to get acquainted for you know not when you will stop seeing that particular face, i told her my problem and she went to work of adding and minusing as they do to arrive at the real and imagined figures as they like to do in government offices in this country. You just need to sit and watch them do their pen and paper dance and your part is to lend your ears to what they have to say after the final calculations. I was observing that face while she was at work doing that math. She will eye me occasionally when she feels I am too focused in her calculation, or maybe observing my face to know if I am following well or a novice. Whatever, those her glances were signs to me that the government part had been taken care of and the remaining is their part. After what seemed like eternity, she popped her head up like an old tortoise to tell me the amount. "It will be 75k," she said, eyeing me for my reactions. "I am not even sure it will end in this amount because our boss has yet to say something." I smirked because I have dealt with that boss for three years and I know his saying something will be additional 15 or 20k on top. "So it is 75k right?" I asked. Imagine something like that. The tax workers and police men are the same in this country. They believe that other citizens are put in this country for them or something.

As i got up to go, she eyed me surprised a bit and them asked "Are you not ready to pay now?"  "No" i just want to know first the amount government came out with as percentage this year. "So, when are you coming to pay then?" You could not believe that what is going into their purses equals or surpasses the amount the government set aside as tax and in most cases, it surpasses it by far. I left promising to come the next day or next week.

Out of earshot of that office, I had decided to enquire from one assessment officer of that internal revenue. The exact percentage government came out with that particular year for me to do the calculation myself. "Ha, forget about the percentage, just forward 100k to me let me know how i will penetrate the bosses at the capital because, this year percentage is something else" the amount alone that dropped out of her mouth hit my eardrum in a way i was forced to move the phone an inch away from my ears. "What?"  I screamed. "Why are you shouting, you think the amount I mentioned is enough?- It's almost 50% he came out with this year. "I tried to dismiss the woman because I noticed from the noise that she was on a bus. "Okay, i might call you back next week" 

On my way home, I contemplated going home and let the payment of the landed property tarry for more than three or four months and see whether their madness will subside. It's always that way with us here in this country. Once there is rush, fixed items uproot themselves from the legal forcefully and from their fixed points and fly forwards with speed you will not believe possible to the illegal.

I decided to go to the local government to see what they have to say from their angle with the aim of going to the state capital to hear them too. Variation they say is the spice of life. Always good to find out . information as some say is free even though i don't entirely believe that assertion. Talking can be but information?

For sure I am sure it sounds ridiculous to your ears about tax laws in this country. It has nothing to do with race or continent, it's the Nigerian way. In Ghana here, if tax for anything is fixed, that is what you pay. If they photocopied anything, you pay for the photocopy and that has continental fixed price but in Nigeria, it's funny how a man that came to pay tax will be begging them to take money he came with. They will add theirs as if it's open market food items bargaining you are pricing and not government fixed tax. 

Not always good if you from this keep end of society have experienced life somewhere outside your borders for it's always hard to comprehend what is happening around you once back here. Everything is done backwards and like Greene said, I have found out that it truly doesn't make sense being sane among the insane. They will drive you crazy. You will go mental trying to fight this monstrous multitude. 

Well i decided to give that fifteenth my whole day just figuring out and then know which of the three offices and entity i will be meeting whenever i have the amount they are calling. I landed at the local government Secretariat because I had been there before on three occasions and I was surprised by the emptiness of the office and noisy women that place is known for. I saw only one lady. I was wondering where I had seen the lone face I saw sitting on the table. I was expecting one  cantankerous slime woman to be. She is always there writing one invoice or the other. Any time I enter that office, she will be there writing and writing or talking and talking on the phone to one client or another. She wasn't there and the face I saw there, I was sweating to recall where I have seen that face before. 

Chi Chi is the name. After a little introduction, I recall that she is the same woman that used to act as the former boss secretary while sourcing for clients too. She too is somehow cantankerous in my estimation. She talks so much. Whether they shifted the other ladies to the office before the one I am in for noise coming out of that office is chattering. All women voice. Excess chattering is going on inside there, penetrating walls and getting to where we were in loud form. 

"I used to sit there during that period and I have attended to you once."  She quipped. It's true. She seems to have eagle eyes for clients. The former boss had asked her to draft something for me last year or two years earlier. Her new table I take as upgradment or something. 

After lengthy talk of how much percentage the government came out with this year, it entered a personal emolument and as usual, it's on the high side more than the amount the government asked you to pay. It still sounds crazy to me. Legal bribe if you will call it that higher than what the government asked you to pay by far and all has legal names and receipt they will issue you will never bear those money. What you see in the receipt is the amount the government asked you to pay only. 

   "Are you sure it will be ready in three days?" I asked, pretending not to be the one with a better bargain judging from other places I had been before coming to them. They are still crazy in my calculations but lesser than the other two. I assumed that we were alone in the office and I was raising my voice a notch upward. "Lower your voice please"  she asked with that smirk on her face still while requesting. I recall that we are doing something not entirely legal here from her end. If I can hear the chattering band in the other office, they can equally hear me.  They like playing a collective office game and share the proceeds collectively and if she can do the work silently without other staff being aware, she will pocket all the gains alone and that was her move that day. 

How is their sharing formula my business? I am interested in my receipt whether a secret or game they play inside there is cornering the client and giving them your phone numbers and bank details to do the transfer and you process their receipt and send it through whatsapp and pocket. All the game is your beat inside there, it's your game. I lowered my voice and we seemed to understand each other better at that low frequency.

16th July.

The day she asked me to come for the receipt, she had in her experience asked that i call before coming if i am not emotionally settled with what she will send through WhatsApp, i did not call, i went there straight and she started a story when i was expecting my receipt to be ready. Excuse being that the contact at the state capital processing it was out of office for two days or something in that line. Doubt set in as usual and I forgot our lowered frequency mode and was raising my voice a bit when she reminded me to tune down with the explanation that it will be ready in two more days and it was afterwards on that day.

Two days later I was scrolling through social media in my house when the message alarm beeped and on checking my Whatsapp, the receipt was there for me to print out.