Finally Free-The Story About How I Found My Happy

I have always been told that I must work for someone else to be successful; to be able to pay my bills; to be able to live a happy life. This was told to me by my parents, pastors, friends' parents, really anyone who was older than me. 

So, I tried that. I tried working for other people so many times. I have held all different sorts of jobs, from being a caretaker of dogs and cats to working for the state government to doing data entry and internet research for private companies. 

But, I was not was happy. I won awards at a few of the companies I worked for, but I truly could not find a workplace that valued me as a person or for my many talents.

When I was in my 20s, I was in a car accident. I was in the passenger seat of my friend's car when all of a sudden, we were T-boned on my side by an older Chevrolet Suburban. That driver ran a stop sign and plowed into us. We were hit so hard that my friend's car was spun around four times and we came to a stop pointing in the opposite direction than in the one we were traveling. That car accident gave me such severe whiplash that the doctors at the emergency room said it would eventually come back to haunt me.

Fifteen years later, their warning came true, and I was diagnosed with Vestibular Migraines. VMs, as they are called by the people who suffer from them, cause sudden dizziness, motion sickness, brain fog, heart palpitations, anxiety, and listing walking-as though you are on a ship in a storm. For me, this happens when I drive for long periods of time and during changing weather when the barometric pressure changes. I was able to do some physical therapy specifically for VMs, but it was not a cure.

I eventually had to quit my job because the simple task of driving to and from work, and concentrating on my work became a mountain I could not climb on my own any more. I had to find some other way to make money. 

So, I started working at home as a transcriptionist. I was really good at it and I was making a decent living doing it. But, after two years of doing working there, the company I was working for changed the way they paid us and my decent living went down to not enough money to pay my rent, much less anything else I needed.

I have always had the "eye" for beautiful scenery that no one else sees until I point it out. In July, my birthday came along and I asked for a Nikon Coolpix B600 camera. I didn't expect to get one, but my family came through for me. I sat down and learned everything there was to know about my new camera. I have had various different types of cameras throughout my life, from camera-equipped cell phones to manual focus cameras, to instant cameras, and I have always felt a strong sense of calm come over me whenever I raise the camera. Everything and everyone seems to fall away and I am alone, just me and my camera and the subject of my shoot. That subject can be anything from really interesting cloud formations to storm clouds to birds in leaves to sunsets and sunrises. I have found that I do not like photographing people, mainly because I am terrible at getting candid shots, there are a lot of opinions and emotions involved with photographing people, and the lighting never seems just right.

Nature, on the other hand, is something else entirely special. It doesn't complain, it doesn't have its own ideas about how the picture should be caught, and its poses are nearly always perfect. Nature photography is where I find peace. It is where the only emotions are the ones I feel when I'm capturing it. 

My life is topsy-turvy on pretty much a daily basis. I am a single mom to an 18 year old who is itching to fly the nest and begin her life, which of course, has me in a tizzy after raising her on my own after her father disappeared from her life when she was five years old. I am also caring for my aging father whose memory is starting to wane. I am also in the process of writing a children's book series based on the bedtime stories I used to make up for my daughter when she was very young. That is a whole other ball of yarn that I am trying to untangle while keeping my sanity. On top of all of that, I have Celiac disease and IBS, which means I am gluten-free and mostly dairy-free, and finding the foods I can safely eat is a challenge even in the best times. 

Nature photography has been a mainstay in my life since I was a child sitting on my dad's knee on the covered back porch as we watched distant storms roll by. He is the one person I credit for my love of weather and photography. By coming back to it, even on a part time basis, I have found my happy. On good days, I hop in my car, find a quiet spot, and sit and just be still. On the not-so-good days, I sit outside my house, camera in hand, quiet my mind and body, and wait for my eye to catch something beautiful and capture the moment.

When I feel proud of a particular photo or series of photos, I will share them on my social media. My friends, family, and strangers who have seen my photography say I should sell it. At first, I couldn't bring myself to think about selling it, it was just my solace, my calm. But, after a while, I thought about it some more and decided to take a chance. 

I found a relatively inexpensive photo-printing app and started printing my photography on canvas and on paper and framing them. I also started a website via a photo-sharing company (https://dancingarrowart.picfair.com), spent $100 for the privilege of creating my own web page and selling my beautiful photography. I decided to name my photography company Dancing Arrow Art, because my last name is not the easiest to pronounce. 

With the printed photos, I have sold a few during neighborhood art shows. I also enter photography contests on occasion. One of my favorite post-storm sunsets was chosen as an honorable mention on The Motif Collection's Sunrises and Sunsets contest a few years ago. I have also had a few photos published in a magazine.

My only free escape is nature photography. When I pick up my camera, take off that lens cap, and go outside, people leave me alone. Outside, it is just me and the birds, the trees, the sky, and the landscape. I am still. I know that if I move and make a lot of noise, I run the risk of scaring off the forest animals. I become one with the birds, the wild bunnies, and the squirrels. When I am still, my heart calms down, the vestibular migraines quiet a little, and I am calm. I never get too close, I don't have to... I have great zoom capabilities on my Nikon. I quietly hide beneath the trees to get shots of the birds and squirrels. Sometimes, I sit on the ground for hours, waiting for the birds to get comfortable with me being there. When the birds are comfortable with me being outside with them, they feel comfortable being close to me. It is an amazing feeling.